Cartoon Network announced today that they’ll be teaming up with Angry Film Works to produce a live-action feature film version of Captain Planet. Considering there are people out there trying to turn a View-Master toy and Bazooka Joe into feature films, it’s not really all that surprising. My only question is who’s going to play “heart.” Fire, Water, Wind, Air, and… Heart. Poor Heart. If he was an X-Man, his mutation would be making sandwiches.

In an effort to inform younger viewers about serious environmental issues, legendary cable entrepreneur Ted Turner partnered with DIC Enterprises in 1990 to create the world’s first animated environmental series, Captain Planet and the Planeteers. The series was about a group of young people who combine their special powers (The Planeteers) to summon Captain Planet, an environmental superhero, to battle the world’s worst eco-villains. [From the press release, via ComingSoon]

The Planeteers consisted of Kwame (Earth), from Africa, Wheeler (Fire), from Brooklyn, Linka (Wind), from Russia, Gi (Water), from Asia, and Ma-Ti (Heart), a Brazilian raised by a shaman. Yes, this was the most politically-correct kids show of all time (except for CP’s legit mullet, which influenced a generation of Floridians). Here’s just a short bit from Wikipedia:

“Gi is a self-proclaimed marine biologist and fights against the evils of saline incursion into island chains such as the Maldives. Her compassion for sea life contributes to the overall effort of the Planeteers’ protection of animals, becoming extremely emotional when pollution affects them, especially dolphins.”

“Ma-Ti uses the power of Heart to instill caring, passion, and sympathy into the people of the world to care for the planet. He can also use this power to communicate with animals telepathically.”

Meanwhile, the only American one is a hothead, and “is shown to be the least knowledgeable about earth preservation.” Jesus, man, there’s going to be enough material here to fuel six more Sarah Palin documentaries. Not to mention the inevitable right-wing funded response cartoon, Skipper, about the talking horse who helps Ronald Reagan defeat Communism and prove global warming is caused by Mexicans. Frankly, I’d rather watch Ted Turner and Rupert Murdoch try to gum each other to death, Thunderdome-style.