A well-endowed adult film actor best known for having sex with women in the back of moving vehicles, was arrested and charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty this week. I say it’s about time, he’d been beating up the pussy for years! (*tap dances off stage, slips in puddle of semen*)
Police were called to the scene at 37th Avenue and 7th in Miami Monday, after witnesses said they heard the sound of a child crying coming from inside a van parked there (the sound you expect to hear coming from a parked van, basically). Instead, inside the van, which belonged to Raul Armenteros, 46, aka Ramon from BangBus, who has a dong the size of my forearm not that I would know, police say they found “8 roosters, 4 guinea hens, 4 pigeons, 4 goats and 1 duck.” Which can mean only one thing: somewhere in Miami, there’s a man with two turtle doves in his ass.
Police found four goats “tied up inside plastic bags” with one of the goats dead. About 45 minutes later, Armenteros and James Arroyo, 44, arrived on the scene and both said they owned the animals.
Police charged Armenteros and Arroyo with 22 counts of animal cruelty. The two men [are being] held in Miami-Dade County Jail on $110,000 bond each.
Animal control responded and recovered the animals. [CBSMiami]
“But I’m not a baaaad man,” the goat killer assured the police. (I’m sorry for that). Anyway, I say we let these guys go if they just tell us what they were planning to do with all those animals, and provide the phone number of the open-minded lady they were planning to do it with. Then we cook up the goat and have a party. I mean, I get the feeling Ramon’s no stranger to a spit roast, ifyaknowwhatamsayinandIthinkyado. (*cough*) TALK ABOUT A HEAVY PETTING ZOO! (*cough, cough*) Fine, fine, I was already leaving.
I sure hope this porn star GETS OFF! (*caught in butterfly net*) (*dragged away kicking and shouting by men in black suits*) It’s always nice to see someone BLEATING THE SYSTEM! (*gag stuffed in mouth*) mmmmff! mmmmfff! mrrrphhh! (*thrown in back of van, van speeds away*)
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He looks a bit like President Obama, if Obama had a smaller dick and went public with his goat-bagging.
“I say we let these guys go if they just tell us what they were planning to do with all those animals”
I’m thinking it was something along these lines:
[kumarez.com]
gotta keep that thing fed
How do you think http://www.goatbus.com keeps running? On goodwill and f*cking fairy tales? You naive f*ck.
He was attempting the long-rumored mobile goat goatse.
Eeeeeeewwww.
Did you know?
Ancient Arabs invented the first condom in the Arabian peninsula over 3,000 years ago using sheep intestines. Granted, they failed to remove the intestines from the sheep, but you get the idea. It protected against all kinds of STDs, other than syphilis, unfortunately.
Needs Busey in the petting zoo pic for context.
slips in puddle of semen
silly vince, you can´t slip in semen, it´s too sticky.
He wasn’t gonna bang the goat, but he was going to let it eat his can.
Hey, it’s Florida. It’s perfectly okay to have a dead kid in a plastic bag in your car.
Chino just won CotW forever.
This sounds fake, I’m calling shenanigoats!
“Why you make-a you mama cluck?” – Guinea Hen, flapping wildly
Police say they found 8 roosters, 4 guinea hens, 4 pigeons, 4 goats and 1 duck . . .
*pulls off shoes, does some quick math*
Twenty-one animals, but twenty-two counts of animal cruelty? Sounds like someone is getting screwed.
It’s pretty safe to say they probably Eiffel Tower’d the duck (known better as “Canard a la rotissérie”), which counts as two counts of cruelty
I think Ramon was just trying to save us all from another season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Menagerie-a-trois?
Which smells better, a van full of used farm animals or the normal BangBus odor? Discuss.
You’re kidding, a cheesy story, clearly thought up on the hoof and a distraction from the mountain of more important issues affecting kids in Florida.
Its just another example of the nanny state
Ramon, ewe will be sadly missed.
I’m here all week try the veal (you really don’t want the goat).
I really hope someone gets punished for all this fowl behavior . . . I’ll see myself out.
I can just hear the conversation at the precinct.
“Hey Smith, what’s up? How was your night?”
“Oh, found a missing child in a parked van. How about you?”
“Shit, you’re lucky. I found 8 roosters, 4 guinea hens, 4 pigeons, 4 goats and 1 duck. In a parked van. With two porn stars.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of paperwork.”
“No kidding. I’m thinking of going into porn. Except for killing the animals, it’s a lot less work.”
I can only hope this doesn’t tarnish the reputation of one of the world’s leading gonzo-porn-in-the-back-of-a-van websites.
So, they finally caught up with the Bestiality Bus.
Menage-a-foie
Don’t even bother, China just locked down CotW.
Chino* Wow, I’ve been watching way too much muscle lady porn.
‘ “8 roosters, 4 guinea hens, 4 pigeons, 4 goats and 1 duck.” Which can mean only one thing: somewhere in Miami, there’s a man with two turtle doves in his ass.’
FIIIIIVVEE SWOLLEN RIIIINGS!!!
Mandingo what happend to you? (yes I know the guy)