New Year’s Eve is New Line/Warner Bros’ latest attempt to capitalize on the throw-10-trite-premises-at-the-wall-and-call-it-a-day formula of Valentine’s Day, which itself was basically Love Actually with more vignettes and famouser actors. Directed by the hollowed-out husk of Garry Marshall, it stars a who’s who of bland white jagoffs who make me want to kill myself, including Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Jon Bon Jovi, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, that chick from Glee, and a billion other people including a cameo by Ryan Seacrest, in what appears to be an earnest attempt to create cinematic ipecac. A vom-com, say. My God, if I could kick a movie in the stomach… You can watch the just-released trailer below, if you dare. The horror, the horror…
There’s an earnest, clean-shaven idealist who believes in true love! A bearded cynic who hates holidays! A career woman looking for love! A single gal who’s made a life checklist with an arbitrary deadline! HOW DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?? Wait a second, where’s the precocious child who doles out insightful relationship advice? TOMMY, GET IN HERE!
It is my fervent wish that everyone involved with this project have their face ripped off by chimps. Does this film look interesting to you? Congratulations, you are an awful boring yuppie woman and we should NEVER HANG OUT EVER, NOT EVEN AT WINE PARTIES. It must be stopped.
[via MSN who are terrorists]
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I got through 40 seconds of that preview then exited out of the window in disgust. This is the whitest white person movie ever made.
I bet that fur collar is made of some adorable, endangered animal.
Someone, who must remain nameless, told me that Zac Efron has a milk line. Is this true? Can anyone here confirm this?
/no homo
That was surreal. I saw the headline, groaned “holy shit”, then scrolled down and hey it’s Holy Shit Cat.
Somebody destroy Columbus Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Flag Day, and Arbor Day before more white people assemble to destroy those too. “I used to think Arbor Day was for hippies. But you showed me how to grow!”
I don’t have any desire to see this, but I have a strange desire to see that badly-named movie with Anna Faris and Chris Evans, even though in the trailer they don’t even pretend the ending isn’t the two of them hooking up.
These ah dihty, dihty peohple!
Is his name “Holy Shit Cat?” Fuck, I’ve been calling him Clockwork Orange Kitty.
WHAT THE FUCK GARY?! Where is the smart beyond her years 5th grader who doles out sage advice about love and living a meaningful life? YOU Sir, are a daft nobbing HACK!
Whatever that kitty’s name is, he doesn’t deserve this torture.
That was nice of Katherine. Jon Bon Jovi hasn’t had a hit in a long time.
Fuckin’ De Niro. I suppose Pacino was too busy finger-banging Adam Sandler’s sister. You two were in The Godfather, Part II AND Heat and that’s limiting myself to movies you were both in. Get your god-damned priorities in order and learn to say ‘No’ to a paycheck you geriatric wop motherfuckers.
I’m writing a script on spec that is along these lines filled with allegories of my life called Herpes, No Regrets.
This gives love a bad name.
This was one of the most on-point and hilarious posts I’ve seen from Vinny in a while, but god damnit, all I can think about is how good looking Zac Efron is.
I think this is more along the lines of an Al Qaeda Incitement Video.
Hey, Morton, don’t forget about Righteous Kill.
Morton Salt, don’t forget Righteous Kill!
Chewy beat me by seconds!
I used to beat my girlfriend, too.
Remember the eighties when yuppies would hook up and it would end with an abortion or cancer? Or divorce rape? [Sips Tab, snaps friendship bracelet]
co_Jo and DerC, I was listing good movies.
This is definitely a recruiting video, but not in the way that you think. Rather than making them hate Americans more, I think it’s a strategy to corral large groups of stupid and impressionable people and then brainwash them into becoming sleeper agents. Who would suspect that cat lady of being the next Jackal?
I haven’t watched the trailer yet (because if I get fired for watching something at work it sure as hell shouldn’t be that), but what’s the count on precocious children?
At least Hugo Stiglitz is in this abortion..which can only mean that half the cast isn’t making to the sequel. “Say goodbye to your nazi ball drop”
Ludacris is in this? Wow, and I though Ice Cube was white . . .
This is not like bad medicine. Its just bad.
This looks more like a Norwegian Christian extremist recruitment video
Also, wise beyond their years, precocious children supercut? Just puttin’ it out there.
These people are obviously trying for a Guinness record of “least amount of men going to see a movie ever.”
some one needs to stop this.
Men, if you go to this movie, the Times Square ball will drop and your own balls will un-drop. You’ve been warned.
i thought it was named Downs Syndrome cat.
Sure, when Katherine Heigl plans to slap Bon Jovi for years, it’s cute, but when I do it, I get a restraining order. Operation Slappery When Wet was a complete failure.
Does anyone else think that chick from Glee looks like a slightly more bangable Rebecca Black?
orale, I wouldn’t mind putting the verga in Sofia Vergara! jew know homes?
If everyone in this movie was wanted Dead or Alive, does anyone beside the Columbian treasure survive?! And no, we don’t want to see JBJ riding his steel SJP through Times Square!
/pero, it’s Odelay, nice try though joo diablo blanco!
Lea Michelle, Bart Simpson, The guy from Boys Don’t Cry, and Sarah Jessica Secretariat? How will I keep from fwaping during the film, I ask you?
tyBoo, only one comment in a Heigl thread? WTF gives?