One of my all-time favorite guilty pleasure movies is 1993′s Demolition Man, in which cryogenically frozen Sly Stallone wakes up in a squeaky clean future where all the restaurants are Taco Bell and Sandra Bullock cleans poop off her butt with three sea shells. Stallone (as John Spartan)’s adversary in the film is fellow unfrozen psychopath Simon Phoenix (IT TAKES A MANIAC TO CATCH A MANIAC, OOH RAH!). Phoenix, portrayed by Wesley Snipes as a character based on Dennis Rodman, wakes up in the future with no friends or sidekicks, which presented a bit of a problem for screenwriters Daniel Waters, Robert Reneau, and Peter Lenkov. How would the audience know what Simon Phoenix was thinking? To whom would he address thoughts that clearly needed spelling out, such as “Edgar Friendly, prepare for Simon Phoenix?” Would Wesley Snipes simply communicate with his face and not talk for ninety percent of the film? No, instead they opted for a simpler solution: having Simon Phoenix talk to himself. A lot. As you can see in this supercut, edited by a dude named Jake, Phoenix not only talks to himself and no one in particular, but also to computers, ATMs, guns, mannequins, manhole covers, cars, night sticks, bushes, and the spirit of Denis Leary. Though I bet if 1993 Wesley Snipes had it to do over again, he’d probably say, “Hey, self, it’s me, Wesley. Pay your taxes, bro. Trust me.”
Haha, I love you, expository dialog.