Ugh, I hope I get to go back to making fun of Jerry Bruckheimer soon. Death news sucks. Much more so when it’s someone likable. Anyway, more details about the car accident that killed Jackass star Ryan Dunn:
The Porsche shot through about 40 yards of trees before it hit the last one and exploded into flames, according to police. The police press release (.PDF) reads, “Preliminary investigation revealed that speed may have been a contributing factor to the accident.” [NBCPhiladelphia]
So speed may have been a factor in the car flying through 40 yards of forest before exploding into a fiery supernova, but let’s not jump to any conclusions before all the facts are in.
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IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU GUY FIERI!
According to John McCain, the car was lit on fire by illegal immigrants.
Wow, losing control, flying 40 yards through a forest, and bursting into flames?
I guess his last words were “The Aristocrats!”
You know who we should really feel bad for? Bam Margera.
Now the poor guy has no one to dance like a monkey whenever he gets bored.
Seriously, are we describing douchebag-overlord Bam Margera’s main lackey as “likable?” Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean you need to pretend to like the guy.
110 MPH exploding fiery death through 40 yards of trees? Good luck topping that one, Steve-O! Your overdose had better include fireworks, a mechanical t-rex and a beej from Jessica Biel
Does this mean they’re going to edit Old Man Ryan Dunn out of the end of the first jackass movie?
John Graziano thinks Ryan is a total noob. Wait, John thinks, “neeeeeeraaaaahhhhgg.” Nick Hogan thinks he’s a total noob.
This is the point in the day where a lesser commentator would decry this message board for its insensitivity and vow to never come back, or backtrace your connection and send the cops after you or whatever meme is hip to the biz these days.
That said, I love this blog and would hardly forsake it. While Vince managed to deal with the situation with a gravitas and a decorum belying the douchiness of his haircut, the hackeneyed commentary speaks volumes about, well, fucking something.
The fact that some generally humorous regulars are just as home riffing (ineffectually) on the death of a fellow human as they would be on, say, the Khloe Kardashian nip-slip speaks volumes as to the inhumanity of man-against-something something dick joke.
But for real. Your Google-a-second puns aren’t funny, especially against the backdrop of someone ceasing to exist. More than likely it was the result of a bad decision or two on his part. Guilty, certainly. But that doesn’t mean this individual deserves to be reduced to fodder for ineffectual Mad-Libbery. It’s insulting, mostly because none of you are particularly funny to begin with.
That said, I hope your thirty-to-fifty entries in the “A Mildly Beloved Pseudo-Celebrity Died Wordplay Challenge” yields one of you useless fucks a commemorative FilmDrunk t-shirt, so you can have a physical reminder of just how awesome you are.
First Savage. Now Dunn.
N. Night was trying to warn us!
What the fuck, man, my gay clown hair is “douchey” now too?
There’s only one reason a person drives through the woods that fast; they’re trying to wedge a car up a giant replica of their own ass.
I feel like there’s a slight possibility, now matter how unlikely, that NathanBedlam just might have been directing that comment towards me.
I don’t use Google silly, I use Bing. Because I am a fucking idiot.
Sorry Nathan, I did not mean to make light of a tragedy. My motivation to post jokes has gone crashing down in flames like the twin towers. I feel like I struck an iceberg, my sense of self-worth drowned like a Post-Katrina New Orleans. Your honest and sensible words caught me off guard like a Hawaiian naval base in 1941. You exposed the inhumanity of our jokes with the accuracy of Lee Harvey Oswald. Indeed, you are the Hitler of tasteless humor, taking our insensitive remarks to the Auschwitz gas chambers. May I never make light of a tragedy again, lest I be struck by a tornado in the midwest.
*Calls mom*
Mom, I think that guy I told you about finally noticed me!
*Remembers mom is dead*
*Shrugs, looks at porn*
You’re an insensitive prick, Jack!, but I still smile every time I see your avatar’s “cupcake stare”.
Ax, your words grow in my in my heart like a cancer.
Bedlam makes a pretty strong point. You gotta do something about that hair, Vince.
Oh, also, the sincere stuff, too
Fuck you Bedlam. Guess what? Ryan Dunn died in a car wreck last night. Guess how many people died in a car wreck since he did? People die horrible deaths daily. People live horrible lives full of pain and suffering. The simple fact that you, or any of us, have internet access and the time to fuck around on FilmDrunk means we show a lack of gravitas and decorum against the backdrop of someone ceasing to exist. Or while some child gets raped. Or while your mom chokes on a hobo’s slimy dick. It’s far more disrespectful to pretend that his death was unique or remarkable. People die horribly every single day. You are the douche-bag for trying to imply that his death somehow matters more because he was “A Mildly Beloved Pseudo-Celebrity”. What’s more, he was Ryan Dunn of Jackass. He wasn’t Jonathan Brandis. He wasn’t Heath Ledger. He wasn’t Edward Norton (trust me on that one). He was a guy who found fame by hurting himself and risking death for laughs. Get off your high horse, and by that, I mean ram it’s giant cock into you ass until it fills you with horse cum. Just like the horse cum Ryan Dunn put in Johnny Knoxville’s sunblock. Which Knoxville freely admits he used for weeks while wondering why it got so stringy. That’s the type of guy Dunn was; the type to appreciate a few good puns about his burning to death in a car wreck.
Or bad puns.
As for our not being funny, have you seen your screen name?
Dear NathanBedlam,
There’s nothing funny about a Khloe Kardashian nip-slip.
Kisses, Jacktion!
Jacktion,I promise to pretend I like you when you are dead. Right now, you are an asshole.
Hey, I came up with more jokes
- Two men walked into a bar. They both later died because they were Ryan Dunn and his passenger.
-Knock knock? Who’s there? Ryan Dunn burned to death in a fire. Ryan Dunn burned to death in a fire who? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- What happens when you cross a duck with a washing machine? I dunno, but a square mile of upper PA smells like Barbeque right now.
Being shocked by the death of a jackass star is like being surprised when there’s a nascar crash.
“The Porsche shot through about 40 yards of trees before it hit the last one and exploded into flames…”
So I guess you could call him Ryan Well Dunn…
They should recreate this stunt for Jackass 4D
The headline should read “Ryan Dunn’s career of Jackassery goes down in flames”.
Boom, roasted. Literally.
I’m pretty sure NathanBedlam just stopped following me on twitter.
moar like NathanBedWetterLam, amirite gais?
“This is the point in the day where a lesser commentator would decry this message board for its insensitivity and vow to never come back”
There is no lesser commentator than the one who ducks in under a newly-created account, tells us all we are dicks, and never comments again.
Nathan: either don’t read the comments, or if you decide to venture down here and scold us, then at least try to have a coherent point instead of drifting off into etc. etc. whatever hipsters say blow me.
40 Odd Yard of Screams
It’s “Movie news you can make fun of,” NathanBedlam. The big man on the jack off couch never would’ve posted it if we weren’t supposed to decide whether or not to opt for humor. Go back to IMDb if you want a sincere, intellectual discussion.
NathanBedlam is right. We shouldn’t be making fun of a man as holy and pure as Ryan Dunn.
He should be made the patron saint of killing passengers in your car while drunk driving.
Mr. Bedlam, you’d save a fortune in monocle repair if you’d stop bein’ such a self-important, tight-assed goon on the internets. This is AMURCA, damnit! Free speech, yada yada, shut-down, deuce coupe, dismissive wank… I’m tired.
You know, seeing as it was a Porsche 911, you’d think he would have driven it into a building.
That’s a twofor!
Yes Moose, IMDB is a great place for sincere intellectual discussion.
Likely thread title at the top of the message board concerning Ryan Dunn’s death”
“How much sex is in this?”
Goodness gracious. Speaking on behalf of NathanBedlam, an all-purpose account which may or may not have been formulated in a shameless effort to annoy the supporters of one Tila Tequila (for which I can only blame the economy/lag time for microwaveable waffles), I will say if nothing else I am flattered by the outpouring of support (read:hatred). To start from the top:
Vince> Goddamnit. I’d have accused your hair of homoclownishness had I recalled the reference more quickly. My bad.
Ax> Beautiful riff. Thank you. You’re like the Dennis Miller to my…uhh…attentive audience of people who like Dennis Millers.
Jack/Mort> You’re two of the more easily recognizable names that keep me coming back to the dregs of the comment section, in that you’re worth the cost of admission alone. It’s like paying to get into EuroDisney and then getting blindly nut-tapped by Le Mickey. Wildly entertaining, a bit nauseating, and something I’d hope someone got a picture of. Sure, I felt bad for a second, but I’m going to show my friends later.
Jess> You won me over.
In conclusion, maybe I was upset because we both had red beards. Or because we both had toy cars up our butts. But if I can change, and you can change, then maybe tonight all of us can go to a bar, order a shot of bourbon on top of a shot of gin, have a toast to the Random Hero, and then perhaps not pilot our cars toward something wildly inflammatory.
And then we can pay someone else to drive us home.
(This post sponsored by Aristocrat Rum and Coke Zero. Doesn’t taste great, but it’s fairly innocuous and you work in a beer store anyway, so your opinion hardly matters. 21+ )
Sure he was speeding but I don’t know if they’ve addressed yet whether he was drunk or not.
I wish there had been a black box in the car.*
*(Ideally Oprah’s.)
Jeez, I didnt know that I had to type with my fucking pinky in the air! MOre dick jokes, please.
Eibs, do what you want. As for me, I like typing with my fucking dick in the air.
@Ax, its actually a square mile of lower PA that smells like barbeque now. Upper PA smells like hillbilly rape. And its a hell of lot more than just a square mile.
Ryan Done.
Is this gonna be in Jackass 3.5?
Here we have (or had) a guy who probably would’ve been homeless had he not hurt and degraded himself on film for other people’s amusement. In other words, behold a true American hero!
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Now that was a great movie.