If you heard that clip of Samuel L. Jackson reading faux-children’s book Go the F*ck to Sleep and thought, “this is great, the only thing that could make this better is if it was Werner Herzog,” you’re in luck. Herzog recorded a special version of the audiobook for the New York Public Library (slash Hobo Whack-Off Dungeon), and now it’s online.  It’s about as intense and profound and bleak as a German director could make a comedic children’s book.  Still, I can’t help but wish he’d re-written it to make it, you know, Herzoggier…

Now cheeldren, ist time to go to schleep.  Schleep eest but za preview for za eternal schlumber zat befall us all.  Death.  Blackness. Za Greem Reapah — eet bind every leeveeng sing, from za schmallest plankton to za shreemp oont frogs oont zalamanders oont grizzly bears oont vhales oont ein fockeenk sloths to za man, za only aneemal blessed viss za abeelity to conseedah ein own mortaleety.  Eez poetry.  Eez zeess zat geeve us za ceevilization, so much more so zan za MacDonaldz, za iPod, za fockeenk aerobic eenstruktor vees her Starbucks fockeenk vaneela latte een za lunch break.  Zo schleep now, child.  You shall rest only ven you oonterstand ein own magneefeecent eenseegneeficance. Eez beautiful.

[via Movieline]


(here’s the Samuel L. Jackson version, via WWTDD):