Just to save you some time, the best quote in this story is “Cruise has always been interested in the Reacher series.”  Well sure, long as there aren’t any gays in there.  Anyway, the story is that Tom Cruise is in negotiations to play “former military policeman-turned drifter” Jack Reacher in One Shot, from writer-director Chris McQuarrie, based on the book series by Lee Child.  This may prove difficult, one because Tom Cruise isn’t a very good actor (exceptions: Magnolia, Collateral), and two because he’s only three apples tall in high heels.

Fans of the Reacher book will have to absorb this development, because Cruise is very different physically from the bruising tough guy who has created mayhem over 15 bestselling novels that have sold 40 million copies. In the books, Reacher is 6’5,” about 250 pounds, and when you are on the business end of his clenched fists, you are most likely going to be spitting out teeth and getting fitted for a cast or two.

Wait, do fists have a non business end?  Oh, Mike Fleming, don’t ever change.

So what if he’s not as tall and beefy as Reacher? I’m told that the author himself is excited about Cruise playing the role, that Cruise personifies the qualities Reacher displays in the books. “Reacher’s size in the books is a metaphor for an unstoppable force, which Cruise portrays in his own way,” Child said when he threw his support behind the move.

Headline it, NY Post: “Child behind Cruise as beefy jack reacher.”  See also: “Child’s beefy jack reacher gets cruisey in new movie.”

Child’s prose is very spare and blunt and Reacher is a no-frills guy. He drifts around the country, carrying nothing more than a toothbrush, the clothes on his back, his passport and access to his military pension.

Ah yes, it’s always more fun if the protagonist is inexplicably wealthy.  Conversely, it’s why real life usually isn’t fun.

He finds his way into all kinds of misadventures but usually winds up using his brawn and his brains from years of military experience to solve conspiracies for underdogs. In One Shot, Reacher investigates a case in which a lone sniper murders five victims before being captured. Reacher discovers it’s more than a simple open-and-shut case. [Deadline]

Yep, sounds like a book you could buy at the supermarket all right.  I didn’t want to say this, but since Usual Suspects and Way of the Gun, Chris McQuarrie has worked on Valkyrie, The Tourist, and now this. I know everyone thinks he’s a big star, but hanging out with Tom Cruise may not be the best thing for your career.  Though if you took out the “under” in that last blockquote this would be the best thing ever.  WHO TOOK YOUR BONE? YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW! THIS THING GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!

(Team Spaz)