GQ is publishing a 7,000-word oral history of Michael Bay on Monday, and one of the just-released tidbits is this account from Rosie Huntington-Whitley (Megan Fox’s replacement in Tranformers 3) of her first day working with Bay.  Isn’t that why Megan Fox got fired, by the way?  Because she was a lax oral historian?  Whackety-Schmackety DOO! (*tapdances offstage, pantomiming blow job*)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: “I first met Michael back in 2009; it was on the set of the Christmas commercial for Victoria’s Secret [watch that below]. I remember the first thing Michael said to me— before he even introduced himself or asked me my name—was  “Can you walk?” And I looked at him like, “What is this man talking about? Yeah, of course I can walk.” And then he proceeded to tell them to get me in the car, and then I was driven—I mean, honestly, I want to say it was about half a mile out in the desert. I kept thinking, “This is a joke, right?” And the car dumped me in the middle of the desert. All I was wearing was a bra and underwear and a big, billowing, black, floor-length cape and high heels. And he says, “OK, when we shout action, you’re going to walk!” and I assumed I would be doing this in several stages. They yelled action, and the car sped off back to set, and I just was like, “Well, what am I supposed to do?” So I walked all the way back to where the camera was standing, which took me—I would say a good 10, 12 minutes, and it was a proper runway stomp—on salt flats; it was like 100 degrees, felt like fire. I remember walking back and being not impressed by the whole thing. I was pretty pissed off afterwards; I just looked at Michael, and he goes, “I guess you can walk, then.” [GQ]

Here I was, all set to make fun of Michael Bay for being a human teen boner, but then I was like, “Wait, he made you walk half a mile?  THAT’S your story?”  No jello wrestling his snow leopards? No polishing his Ferrari? No wingsuiting off the Sears Tower?   Just 10 minutes of walking?  Oh you poor lamb.  I think we’ve got a solid worker’s comp case, at the least.  There there, you just relax and let me make car horn sounds with your titties I mean comfort you.