There’s a new trailer out for Rise of the Planet of the Apes (of the of the…). In it, the WORLD’S MOST HANDSOME SCIENTIST James Franco teaches an ape to learn. An ape who would later go on to ride rollercoasters and go to Friday’s with Paul Blart. Just kidding, of course, he shares his drugs with the other apes and they break free and go beat up a police horse. GET HIM, APE! HORSES ARE ASSHOLES!
After the kajillions of dollars WETA spent on state-of-the-art animation, it seems they’ve succeeded mainly in creating a CGI ape that looks like… a CGI ape.
The film is not based on any specific plotline from the original series, but instead takes elements from the earlier movies to create an original origin story.
Director Rupert Wyatt on the reboot: “This is part of the mythology and it should be seen as that. It’s not a continuation of the other films; it’s an original story. It does satisfy the people who enjoy those films. The point of this film is to achieve that and to bring that fan base into this film exactly like Batman [Begins].” [Wikipedia]
Looks possibly not-terrible. Still, I would like to have seen a scene where one of the apes tries to throw poop, but Franco dicknoses him. I’m a simple man.
Not impressed.
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That Franco .gif is mesmerizing. More so if you sync up a record scratch with it.
Off-camera scientist-guy: “Put those apes down.”
[cut to Franco juggling 3 chimps]
FIN.
Hollywood pitch:
Guy: “It’s like Jumanji meets Terminator!”
Exec: “Wait. Which Terminator?
Guy: “Uh… the third one?”
Exec: “Here’s a blank check. Write in no less than seven zeroes but no more than nine.”
“Rise of the Plant of the Apes”
oh man, these origin stories are getting weider and weirder, now they`re saying apes come from plants? what`s next, a crane brings them from paris in a diaper?
Good thing they spent all that money on a CGI ape, since no one has ever successfully trained a chimp to act in movies.
I’m shocked and saddened. When I saw:
[i]in which WORLD’S MOST HANDSOME SCIENTIST James Franco teaches an ape to learn[/i]…
I was expecting the next few words would be [i]…how to love[/i].
And then someone would say, “You’re changin’ that aype’s lahfe.”
And Sandra Bullock would reply, “No, he’s changin’ mahne.”
Then *record scratch* the ape would swing on a vine through the frame, steal Bullock’s cell phone, and donkey punch her. Then the ape, in his best Poochy voice, would say “To the extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme!” and play air guitar.
That would be Academy Award-riffic!
I’m shocked and saddened. When I saw:
in which WORLD’S MOST HANDSOME SCIENTIST James Franco teaches an ape to learn…
I was expecting the next few words would be …how to love.
And then someone would say, “You’re changin’ that aype’s lahfe.”
And Sandra Bullock would reply, “No, he’s changin’ mahne.”
Then *record scratch* the ape would swing on a vine through the frame, steal Bullock’s cell phone, and donkey punch her. Then the ape, in his best Poochy voice, would say “To the extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme!” and play air guitar.
That would be Academy Award-riffic!*
*Especially if the ape was really Vin Diesel in costume. Of course, then the ape would be really radical, and would have to do some “shredding” on his “sk8board.” But if he got too radical, Milhouse would get angry, because he always says “radical,” and that’s the thing that he always says! Back to Vin Diesel, they’d have to find some way to make the ape look less gay. Maybe have him deep-throat a banana?
AND GODAMMIT DOUBLE POST BECAUSE I FORGOT THIS BOARD USES HTML CODE AND NOT BBS!
Semi-serious/nit-pick question: How does one teach something to learn? In order to learn how to learn you’ve got to be able to learn but then you already know how to learn and oh my god I’ve gone crosseyed.
I’m sure that the chimp watching the couple sleep practices abstinence and sparkles in the daylight.
Filmdrunk’s on fire today.
“Yesterday at school in biology class we were talking about monkeys. My friend Mark raised his hand and told the teacher that we should be respectful and call them chimps. I’ve always had a secret crush on Mark and he does look alot like James Franco” ~MLIROTPOTA~
My Life is Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Is it wrong that I think this movie needs it’s soundtrack replaced by The Great Escape’s soundtrack?
Also, I think PETA’s gonna sue somebody.
I’m just going to go ahead and pretend this movie completes the MVP: Most Valuable Primate trilogy
They invented the super monkey but forgot this is america and we have like a billion guns to shoot them with.
yeah, but what does his super bug friend think of all this?
James Franco monkey is good at EVERYTHING but still appreciates a good thrown poop.