Today I’m proud to present the first, official, SFW trailer for Dreamzone Entertainment‘s The Facts of Life: A P0rn Parody XXX. What can I say, the moment I saw a group of scantily clad p0rnstars doing something vaguely pop-culture-related, I knew this was perfect for us.
“The Facts Of Life: A Porn Parody XXX” trailer introduces each of the sex-craved girls of Yeastland Academy Junior College [Didn't your mom go there? -Ed.]. Blonde and beautiful Blair (Kodi Gamble) justifies her loneliness with her rich-bitch attitude. Sexy tomboy Jo introduces a new way to make tuition funds. The cute booty Tootie (Coffee Brown) and nerdy Natalie (Kristina Rose) kick Blair and Jo out so they can have some girl-on-girl time. Meanwhile, Mrs. Garrett (Raylene) the house-mother shows her concern for Tootie’s “very special episode”.
“Despite the sarcasm and vulgarity, which of course most of the adult industry doesn’t mind, FilmDrunk.com is a respectable source for information on all things movie related,” states Lee Roy Myers. “They have a very loyal following and I am anxious to debut the trailer to their fan base.”
Why yes, that is a FilmDrunk mention on an official p0rn press release. At this rate, we’ll be sponsoring a stop on the World Bukkake Tour. Ha, and to think, everyone who’s ever met me said I wouldn’t amount to anything. Hope you like the way YOUR WORDS taste, bro. (*straightens hair with pocket comb, rides away on customized rascal scooter*)
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Respectable Schimshmectable!
I thought the Fact of Life were all about Poo.
Poo-oo-oo-oo-ooooo
(add the ‘s’ in your head)
“Debut the Trailer” would make a hell of a porn movie title.
you take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have a threesome. a threesome.
Vince, I’ll be more impressed when you get Jesse Jane to read a press release for us.
Michelle, get the ‘s’ out of my head
Blair’s eating disorder was cured with one sweet trip down to Edna’s Edibles.
After the Bradley Cooper post today, I guess this is only fair.
Whereas the original Facts of Life was a spin-off of Diff’rent Strokes, this one will be the inspiration for many different strokes.
Is it a good or bad thing that Mr. Myers didn’t mention Filmdrunk.com as the leader in rape van coverage?
Filmdrunk = RELEVANCE!
My words taste, as always, of sadness and musty schadenfreude. Which, coincidentally, is what a porn star’s assh*le tastes like.
I’m guessing.
*wipes tears
I am so proud to be a FilmDrunkard.
Vince, You’ve made it, no more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boy!
Haha. He said it like he was defending you too. Like someone said “Ew, FilmDrunk? Why would you send our porn trailer to them?”
Fair? Cooper speaks fluent French while a few of these gals struggle mightily with English.
(which plays better in Thailand for some reason)
The best of the trailer for me was the complete lack of Evan Stone, or of any male stars at all.
They should branch out into more TV shows.
Project Cumway
Screwbie Poo
The Brady Donkey Punch
Ice Road Fuckers
What, it’s right there ===>
The Chicago Chode
The Fresh Piece of Derriere
You know there’s a chubby chaser out there who’s going to be absolutely heartbroken that they recast Natalie as a skinny chick.
The Young and the Pantless
Vince’s dream is to someday, turn his jerk-off couch into a casting couch.
If my TV history trivia is correct, ‘St. Elsewhere’ was the first to show the naked male rear in primetime TV (Ed Flanders mooned Ronny Cox in one episode). And ‘The Facts of Life’ was the first first to show Tootie.
Skee
Break out the Scotch, your star is rising.
I hate to poop on your parade but I don’t think any of those chicks are exclusive.
M*A*S*H Dem Guts
And shouldn’t the O in Dream Zone be…how you say…puckered? There’s some free graphic design for you fancy porn sirs.
What exactly are they going to do to make it easier to have a wank to this version than it is to the origional. I mean that Geri girl…
Filmdrunk – on the Porn map for good.
Law and Order Special Victims Unit: porn parody
too soon?
Tits or GTF . . . Oh, fine then Dreamzone. You can stay.
I was working on something for about 5 hours and then I come in here and you not only have new Chet Haze, Tree-Fetishist James Cameron, and the awesome Boardwalk Emprie guy, but you’ve also been referenced by a porn distributor? It’s like I suddenly realized it was Christmas at 3pm on 12/25! All the presents are open, man!
I don’t need a porn version of this. I’ve genocided billions of fist babies to the original series. But i would love to see a cerebral palsy comic get DP’ed by Lexington Steele and Peter North anytime.
I don’t understand why they went with Porn actors instead of the original cast. Like Blair and Jo were busy?
How weird is it that I would rather f*ck Mrs. Garret before any of the nubile young schoolgirls in this? Applies to the porn movie as well.
They’re releasing it in Germany as “The Scats of Life”
When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams, suddenly you’re finding out the The Facts of Life porn parody is waiting for you. Yoo-oo-oo-oo-ou.
New XP!
* sadly this does not imply that Microsoft is abandoning Windows Se7en :(
Holy Jesus! Who was in charge of casting this?
“well, the only semi-attractive starlet we could convince to do this is Kristina Rose”
“Perfect! lets make her the nerdy one.”
“Brilliant! And ask her mom if she’ll play Jo”
I’m not really into chicks. Do they parkour too? Parkour is so hot right now.
Who plays the retard from the show? More importantly who bangs the retard?
BPumper made Tootie the woman she is today.
This might be a little late, but the video was directed by Gram Ponanie. Gram. Ponanie. That sounds less like a name and more like its own special sector of porn.
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I hope there’s a Starbucks scene:
“Tootie! Tootie, NO!”
“Now Tootie, you know I’m not allowed to hug you.”
Thanks for the much-vaunted nipple-free exposure, Film Drunks! As the writer and director of this masterwork, I would be happy to answer each and every one of the valid or less-than-valid concerns above in some forum that displays more than five lines at a time. But let me reassure you that it broke my heart to not be able to afford a Breaking-the-Geri-Jewellbox scene.
Gram
[gramponante.com]