My, my, a SECOND rape van post? What God did I please, you must be thinking. That’s right, loyal FilmDrunkard Matthew saw this morning’s post on the World’s Most Legit Rape Van and promptly sent over a picture of the Star Wars rape van you see above, which he spotted a few weeks ago in Seattle. And as we all know, Rape Vans come in threes, like celebrity deaths, or a bukkake quorum, so WHO KNOWS WHAT MAJESTY THIS AFTERNOON WILL BRING???
If forced to compare this rape van to this morning’s rape van, I don’t think there’s any question that a rainbow-queefing unicorn being ridden into space by an AK-47-toting Viking with a ZZ Top beard beats a pretty standard rendering of the iconic Star Wars characters. However, I will say that being covered in rust and parked in front of what appears to be an abandoned factory, this one may have the edge in actual rapiness. “Now if you’ll just move the insulation and old rebar aside, I’ll show you where I keep the candy.”
I wonder if this is Jaimie Alexander‘s van.
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“Force” isn’t written on the side of that as a Star Wars reference alone.
Those characters look defermated to me.
I think we’ve found our new Transformers characters.
I´ve seen pictures of Mark Hamil as Luke before the car accident and after the car accident, but never during the car accident.
Is that Osama Bin Kenobi in the middle?
It looks like something you’d see spray painted on the side of one of those spinning UFO-shaped carnival rides in the late 80′s. The “gravitron,” I think?
Bukkake Quorum is the name of my Rush cover band.
The only thing that van is missing is a “Prepare Your Anus” caption on the bottom
So we got Beavis, a Wizard, and a Raccoon. Would have still made for a better prequel.
Jaimie Alexander luring unsuspecting children into her geeky rape van? What a panderast.
WHO KNOWS WHAT MAJESTY THIS AFTERNOON WILL BRING???
Where’s Extremo when you need him?
Funny, jedman, Rainbow-Queefing Unicorn is the name of my Rebecca Black cover band.
Are kids aware of Star Wars? It seems to me Sponge Bob and the Wiggles make more sense as bait, or have I been doing it wrong?
Someone has a thing for boys age 22-27
My favourite roofies are Nyquil and Ambien, and I totally have a Star Wars van. I’m basically rape squared.
Plus I can do this awesome impression of a rape victim: “AIEEEEEEEEEE, MY ASSH*LE!”
He did it all for the wookiee.
Too bad he didn’t get a picture of the IF THIS VAN IS EWOKIN’ DON’T BOTHER KNOCKIN’ bumper sticker.
Luke on the outside, Leia inside.
I’d actually put another bumper sticker on there: THIS IS NOT THE FORD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR
I call my Star Wars rape van the “Tatooine Parlor”.
This time there’s no garbage chute, kids.
Uses Force > “Use the Force”
Woops! Hello there, boPan! There seems to be something of yours stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
IT’S A TRAP
That’s hardly a Star Wars rape van. Clearly looks like a SpaceBalls rape van.
How weird is it that this is EXACTLY the rape van I was looking for?
Dammit inkyP, I f’n missed your dick reading through the comments and proceeded to traipse all over that mofo!
This brings up an interesting question. At vanning events, do rape vans travel in single file to conceal their numbers?
This piece of shit doesn’t hold a candle to the Star Wars armored car I once saw. Fucker was a Jar-Jar Brinks.
My preacher told me I had to get into the rape van.
He said it was the only way I could avoid the twin Jamaican drug lord brothers or the inner-city dirty cops trying to cover a web of crime and corruption
That whole picture’s a real creep scenario. Even the droids know what’s up. One’s gonna film it and the other one’s peeping in unnoticed.
THIS is how you bulls-eye a womp rat, kid…..
**unzip**
Someone needs to make rape van paint that works like a mood ring. So for instance, with this one when the raping starts going down the Star Wars character’s faces change into a thousand yard stare.
Kid: Gee mister, these woods are dark and scary……
Molester: You’re scared kid? I’m the one that has to walk back to my poorly rendered Star Wars theme mural rape van my myself. Sheesh.
Sounds like someone still pissed about Jaime…gotta let it go man….