Showdown in Little Tokyo is not a good movie. It is poorly acted, poorly written, offensive, over the top in every way, and it features gratuitous amounts of nudity and violence. Showdown in Little Tokyo is an AMAZING movie. (Note: The above video is super-NSFW. SHHH! Don't tell Youtube.)
The movie is centered around two mismatched cops, played by Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee, trying to take down a Japanese crime organization that is flooding the streets with high-quality methamphetamine. Now, at this point of these Scene Breakdowns, I usually try to give you some quick background info about the movie. Instead, I'd like to direct your attention to this passage from the film's Wikipedia page, which is so wondrously written that it makes me question what I'm even doing here:
Los Angeles cop Chris Kenner (Dolph Lundgren) is an American who was raised in Japan. He is given a new partner, Johnny Murata (Brandon Lee), an American of partial Japanese descent.
Kenner does not appreciate American culture, while Johnny does not much like Japanese culture. One thing they both enjoy are the martial arts, of which they are both experts.
Yup, that about sums it up. Anyway, the scene I'm breaking down has it all: evil criminal bosses, implausible feats of strength, decapitation, neck-snapping, shameful Hollywood stereotypes, machine guns, attempted seppuku, nudity, and explosions. It is a true American treasure. Fun fact: This is the second straight movie I've selected to breakdown where the main character, without the aid of a ramp or trampoline, avoids being hit by an oncoming car by leaping straight up over it like that's something people do.
I guess you could say I have a niche.
As always, we begin with a look at some of the scene's key players. Here we have the film's antagonist, crime boss Funekei Yoshida, bringing a gift to one of the performers at his night club, played by Tia Carrere. The crime boss is played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, who you may recognize from everything on TV or film since like 1989. Despite this long career playing the vital Hollywood role of "Asian Guy," to me Tagawa will always be the zany grandpa from the Disney Channel movie Johnny Tsunami (a movie whose entire premise is based around two junior high students sneaking onto a military plane and flying from Vermont to Hawaii, naturally). So it's a little weird for me to see him in one of the most preposterously evil roles committed to film.
I know that's a mighty bold claim, but I assure you, it is not hyperbole. For example, immediately after bringing Tia's character flowers and telling her how pretty she is...
... he proceeds to kidnap her, bring her to his mansion, and rape her while showing her a video of him cutting off her best friend's head with a sword. This is what one might conservatively call a bad evening for Tia's character.
But let's examine things a little closer, shall we? Specifically the part where Tia Carrere's character has changed both her dress and her hairstyle since the conversation in the club. The way the scene is cut, it seems to imply that very little time elapsed between that conversation and what happens in the mansion. This means, as far as I can tell, that Yoshida brought her flowers, then made her get all gussied up in order to get kidnapped and raped. That's cold.
Also, as he throws her around the bedroom, he says the line "I will own you and you will appreciate it," which is an EXTREMELY evil thing to say. Unless you're adopting a puppy from the animal shelter and planning to love it forever and buy it neat puppy toys and sometimes sneak it table scraps when your wife isn't looking. Then it's just nice. But I'm pretty sure that's not what's happening here, unless the puppy is out of frame.
Cut to the next day. Yoshida is awake and in a great mood as he gets ready to leave the house. He looks around and says, "So, this is America. I think I'm going to like it here." To recap the things he's done in the movie to this point:
- Killed a henchman in front of dozens of people by putting him in a car and crushing it in one of those junkyard car-smusher thingies.
- Gave a girl a lethal amount of meth, had sex with her, and chopped her head off with a samurai sword as he climaxed.
- Kidnapped Tia Carrere and raped her while showing her the videotape of him giving her best friend a lethal amount of meth, having sex with her, and chopping her head off with a samurai sword as he climaxed.
Ah, America.
Little does Yoshida know that he's being staked out. As mentioned earlier, our two heroes are played by Dolph Lundgren (Ivan Drago from Rocky IV) and Brandon Lee (son of Bruce Lee, and star of The Crow).
You can Google these guys if you want to. I've got bad dialogue, plot holes, and brutal death GIFs to discuss.
Ok, I'm going to cheat here. I'm only including this picture of Brandon Lee to point out a truly amazing piece of dialogue from later in the film. First of all, SPOILER ALERT: they're totally going to save Tia Carrere and get away. I know, you're shocked. And like 20 minutes after they save her, she - her body double, technically - gets naked in a tiny hot tub with Dolph Lundgren and has sex with him that night. (Which is perfectly normal behavior for a woman who was just sexually assaulted while being forced to watch video of her best friend being decapitated.)
ANYWAY, I guess Brandon Lee's character saw Dolph's character getting into the hot tub, so he delivers this line as the bad guys surround the house (around the 3:58 mark):
"Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted you to know... you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." EXCLAMATION POINT. What. The. Hell. That. Line. I've been thinking about it for the better part of a week, and the only explanation I can come up with is that Dolph Lundgren's agent negotiated it in there. Like, "Fine, we'll take $10,000 less, but SOMEONE better say he's got a big dick or I'm walking RIGHT OUT THAT DOOR!" Also, please note Dolph's reaction. Acting at it's finest.
Ok, back to the scene. But seriously you guys... exclamation point.
Dolph spots Tia's character through the binoculars, and explains to Brandon Lee that she is preparing to commit seppuku (ritualized Japanese suicide) because she has been dishonored. Ok. But I think this would be a good time to point out that Tia Carrere - whose Japanese character sings Japanese lounge songs in a Japanese night club in Little Tokyo, and is preparing to commit Japanese suicide while wearing traditional Japanese clothing - is like 0% Japanese. According to the five minutes of Googling I just did, she is Chinese, Filipino, and Spanish, and was raised in Hawaii. The last time I checked, and I check this pretty frequently, none of those places are in Japan. Hollywood does this kind of crap all the time. It's disgusting.
Producer #1: Hey, we need a Japanese girl for this movie.
Producer #2: Let's get that chick from Wayne's World.
Producer #1: I think she's Chinese.
Producer #2: Whatever. Tell her to bring her nunchucks.
On the other hand, Dolph Lundgren spends the last fifteen minutes of the movie laying waste to Little Tokyo with a machine gun while dressed like this, which is EXPONENTIALLY more offensive I would imagine. So, you know, maybe pick your battles.
After seeing Tia's character preparing to kill herself, Dolph sneaks down the mountain and onto the compound to stop her. He does a lot of sneaking around in the movie, which delights me. Because if there's one thing musclebound, 6'5" Aryan Adonises are known for, it's an ability to blend in with their Asian surroundings.
What's important here is this: henchman are about to start gettin' got.
Immediately after sneaking onto the balcony, Dolph tiptoes up behind one guy and chokes him out. Then he starts marching around with a gun shooting people in the chest. This screencap is taken from part of the rampage where he is shooting while rolling across the floor and flat out looking ridiculous. Like that's what you do.
While I love this movie in many, many ways, it is missing one critical element: the stereotypically gruff captain. It was set up so perfectly for it, too! Dolph charged a compound with no warrant and killed like nine guys. I'm dumbfounded that the director didn't squeeze in three minutes of him being taken off the case with lines like "YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON, KENNER!" or "THE MAYOR'S GONNA HAVE MY ASS FOR THIS!" or, my favorite, "I hate to do this, Kenner. You're a good cop... but I'm gonna need your badge and gun. Ah-ah-ah, the OTHER gun too, Kenner."
Quite frankly, I'm offended.
After shooting a bunch of guys, Dolph starts walking down the hallway and he senses that one of... You know what? Words and a screencap can't do this one justice. Here's a GIF.
In my breakdown of Cobra, I mentioned that getting shot in the back by a madman and falling into a Christmas tree was definitely not how I wanted to die. Please add "getting ripped through a door by Dolph Lundgren and having my neck snapped" to the list. Thank you.
Dolph finally gets to Tia's character (who apparently was taking her sweet ass time killing herself), picks her up, and backs out of the room through a window.
BONUS SECRET HOLLYWOOD RACISM: Tia's character apparently didn't hear the tenfinity gunshots, broken glass, or cries of the dying that filled the house for the last 90+ seconds. This is because Japanese people enter some sort of zombie-like trance when they are preparing to commit suicide, apparently. "Oo-OO-oo. The honorable ways of the East are mystical and confusing to your Western culture. Or so our ancestors have foretold!" (*sprinkles magic dust around room, kneels on rug*)
Dolph and Tia make their escape from the house, as henchman with machine guys fire a zillion bullets willy nilly in their general direction. So in order help them get away safely, because OF COURSE HE DOES, Dolph walks right over, crouches down, and flips a flipping muscle car up onto its side to serve as a shield. By himself.
The lessons we learn here are as follows: 1) Squats are very important to police work. 2) I imagine Dolph Lundgren has at least eight hernias.
As our hero and our Asian-of-indeterminate-origin damsel-in-distress escape, Dolph (while driving forward at a high rate of speed down a narrow driveway), reaches back over the driver's seat and fires one last bullet towards the gas tank of the overturned car. This can only mean one thing. That's right, people. It's time for another round of America's favorite game show... (*crowd shouts along in unison*) GUESS HOW BIG THE EXPLOSION WILL BE!
(*jogs onto stage holding skinny microphone while theme music plays*)
So, what do you think? One bullet shot towards a gas tank, that may not even be full. I mean, provided he even hit the gas tank square (no guarantee, given the high degree of difficulty), it still wouldn't blow up THAT much, right? Right?
Survey SAYS...
KABLOOEY!
So, in conclusion, explosions, machine guns, boobs, decapitations, neck-snapping GIFS, Dolph Lundgren's humongous penis, sexual assault, AMERICA, indefensible showbiz racism, attempted seppuku, potent methamphetamine, sneaky giant Aryans, preposterously evil crime bosses, implausible shows of human force, and violence against doors and windows. All that, and I didn't even GET TO the awesome greasy sax man music playing in the background throughout the film, or the fact that half the gunshots have that awful "PEW ZING PEW" ricochet sound effect like it's a western from the 1950s.
Showdown in Little Tokyo rules.
Author's Note: If you've got an idea for a scene I should breakdown, drop me a line on my Twitter or something (@DangerGuerrero). All I ask is that you send me a link to the video you're talking about. I'm incredibly lazy.
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I have that biggest dick line written into all my employment contracts.
The cashiers at the piggy wiggy have to say it at least once a day.
Would you mind breaking down the motor oil fight scene from the Transporter? Could you break it down really slow at first and the fast fast fast and then slow again? Okai Thnx
You had me at “high-quality methamphetamine”.
So Dolph is an otaku on steroids, basically?
@ Burnsy – Yeah, Vince wanted something that would appeal to the Florida demo.
How is it a big deal if a chinese person plays a japanese person in a movie? Don’t see you throwing a fit every time Ewan McGregor plays an American.
on an unrelated note, I appreciated the uncensored boobs in this post. You should do more of that.
How can you neglect the fact that second-in-command yakuza guy is also Shredder’s second-in-command from TMNT?
Based on this Breakdown (as I have never seen this movie) I assume they hired Brandon Lee to say that one Dick-glorifying line and then walk off into the non-phallus shaped sunset.
I was shooting a rifle one time and it went off a rock and that “Pew Zing Pew!” noise. I didn’t like it because I think it was close to ricocheting back in my face.
Also I so rarely post relevant comments.
Strange, that’s the music that plays in my head when I strut through WalMart.
@ Farthammer – (*chops off pinky finger at second knuckle out of shame*)
The best indicator of how evil this man is- He successfully pulls off the “Having sex by pulling your dick through your fly” move. With all the other racism in this movie, I’m surprised his dick could reach far enough out.
You also didn’t mention the bad guy is Shang Tsung/Kabai Sengh, depending on which so-bad-it’s-good movie you want to reference
I must own this movie.
Though I call shenanigans on the Tia Carrere body double–she’s not even Asian! (How do I know? Easy: her pussy isn’t sideways)
TMI: I dated an Indonesian (ethnically Chinese) girl way back when, and she told me that one of the myths white men had about Asian women was that their twats were sideways. I told her this was preposterous, and no white guy would actually believe something like that, because it would mean every time an Asian woman went down a slide at a playground, you’d hear this “wubble wubble wubble” sound (do that thing where you hum while flipping your lips around with your finger).
Believe it or not, that joke got me laid. She thought it was charming how I didn’t subscribe to the stereotype/myth.
Oh, and secondly, it looks like Dolph’s rocking the .50 cal Desert Eagle there… that thing holds nine shots. Good thing he reloaded it after 15.
Oh, and thirdly… YOU’VE never had an Asian guy compliment you for your penis size? What planet do you live on?
And finally, I’m entertained even more by the fact that Dolph has the “largest dick [Brandon's character has] ever seen on a man.” That tells me he’s seen a bigger dick on some women.
Which leads me to wonder–isn’t he playing a half-Japanese character, not half-Thai?
I believe you meant, “Let’s get that (asian) chick from Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.”
Also, the line “That time I could hear you coming” is clearly a double-entendre reference back her not having heard him entering the house to rescue her. The reason for which is still not explained: was it a hermetically sealed room specifically built for ritual suicide? was she in a mystical asian zombie trance, part of one’s preparation for seppuku? or is a side effect of being “irredeemably dishonored” that you can’t hear shit?
All we know for sure is that her hearing works fine now that she’s been pounded by a giant white dick.
@Lothar: I don’t know if the sideways vagina thing is a myth or not, but when my band toured Japan, the harmonica player got all the girls.
@Walkabeast
It’s a big deal for Asians considering how much bad blood there is between the Chinese and Japanese (or more like Japan vs all of Asia) thanks to things like World War II and the samarai era.
And Asians are just complimenting the whiteys on their dick size as it’ll setup the eventual hostile takeover. Don’t any of you guys watch South Park?
This movie is on Netflix instant, I know what I’m doing tonight!
@AV
Right but considering that woman of Chinese descent decided to go and take a role where she would be a japanese character voluntary…I still fail to see the issue. This sound like one of those where the white guy freaks out because someone said “black” instead of “african-american” when the party that should of been offended doesn’t give a fuck at all.
I like to think that my comment on the last Weekend Movie Guide brought this post about.
I also like to think the Earth is the center of the Universe and that Jesus is my co-pilot.
@Walkabeast
You may be right about the ‘white guy freak out’, but I don’t really see it in Danger’s description. I think his point was more along the lines that Hollywood often mish mashes Asians while ignoring that Japan and Chinese cultures are actually quite different. It’s like if you got an Italian guy to play a Irishman or something. That’s the best analogy I could do for white people, sorry if its not very good.
And yeah, sometimes the party that should be offended actually is. Not trying to get all PC or anything, but just saying as an Asian person, I agree with Danger.
But yeah, I don’t want to get too stuper sterious, so……………….boobs.
@AV
Yeah but my point is they do have British (Ewan McGregor), French (too lazy to look up a french actor but I’m sure there is one) or Australians (mel gibson) playing Americans or vice versa quite often, so this seems like a kind of race double standard where Hollywood can swipe out white actors for any role as long as they can pull off a mostly believable accent, but if they use a chinese person to play a japanese person all of a sudden it’s racist?
But then again back to the ‘white guy freak out’ point, I guess since I’m white it’s not my place to say if it’s ok or not to swap out asian ethnicity’s on film. Seeing as how you are asian and take offense to such things, I guess I’m just missing something that my crackerness prevents me from understanding.
Good game.
Wait, DG, did you not notice that the first guy Dolph kills (3:25 mark) reanimates and puts his arm back on Dolph’s arm after his neck is snapped as he’s being casually lowered to the ground?
Why is there a serious discussion about Hollywood stereotypes and double standards going on here. And why is no one taking into account Dolph’s Swedish ass playing an American? It offends me that that fucking communist was cast as a
capitalistreal manAryamerican.AMERICA!
Are you kidding me?! The evil Asian sidekick guy from Ninja Turtles AND Shang Tsung?? I just got a very small boner (pixelated of course, out of respect to the Asian culture).
Though I watched this movie lots of times as a kid (especially the hot tub scene) I’d forgotten Dolph’s awesome decision to stop shooting in a gunfight to overturn a car to provide cover to make his escape. Genius!
‘Revenge of the Ninja’ is dying for a breakdown. Any part of the movie would be applicable but if I had to choose… The playground fight scene might need special attention. I can’t provide video links because I, too, am lazy. (And I don’t use the Twitter.)