WE HAVE DISCOVERED AN ANCIENT CACHE OF SEVENTIES SOFTCORE PORN PHOTOS TAKEN BY A VAN DRIVER. TODAY IS A GREAT DAY.
For today's Friday Free for All, our regularly-scheduled, non-movie-related digression, an effusive thanks goes out to UptownAlmanac for their recent, incredible investigative work on one of our favorite topics, Rape Vans. They recently discovered in San Francisco the above van, which fits our definition of "Rape Van" on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin (windowless, covered in rust, parked on the street...). But here's where it gets A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER. This Rape Van driver has a website. And this Rape Van driver looks like this:
I. Want. To be married in that vest. I want to be BURIED in that vest. Or stuffed in it and paraded before future generations as a symbol of pride. But I don't even have TIME to discuss how awesome Larry Jamison's outfit is, because this story too quickly gets EVEN BETTER. Did I mention Larry Jamison's website is dedicated to his photography? Did I mention that Larry Jamison's website has a section called "Boudoir"? Is there ANY word in the English language more rapey-sounding than BOUDOIR? But I'm getting ahead of myself. These pictures... they simply must be seen. (*crosses self, says 10 Hail Maries, thanks Gods for whatever I did to deserve this*)
KARATE!
THINE ONLY TRUE ENEMY IS THINE SELF! THINE GREATEST WEAPON IS THINE RIGHTEOUS MULLET! TIE THINE GI! SHAVE OFF THINE SIDEBURNS! REMOVE THINE EARRING! NOW IT'S KATA TIME, KEE YAI!
Oh, what was that I said about a boudoir? I'm glad you asked.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod
The Boudoir Packages [THE BOUDOIR PACKAGES!!!]
- The Starlet [EEEE!!!] – Two hours, 30 poses, changes of clothing, 30 4 x 5 in classic black proof album, one 11 x 14, picture CD of all pictures, $300
- The Movie Star [!!!!!] – Two to three hours, changes of clothing, 100 4 x 5 prints in classic black proof album, one 16 x 20 mounted print, Picture CD of entire session, $500
- The Pampered Goddess – Three hours, 100 poses, changes of clothing, 100 4 x 5 prints in classic black proof album, twelve 8 x 10 in deluxe album with inscription and one 20 x 24, custom framed, $900.
- The Enchanted Day – I’m your photographer for an entire day! Unlimited changes of clothing, indoor and outdoor location sessions. Live out your photo fantasies! 440 proofs in 3 albums, 36 8 x 10 prints in deluxe album, one 20 x 24 Mtd, custom framed, one 16 x 20 Mtd., custom framed, picture CD of entire session, $1800
(*breathes into paper bag*)
Boudoir Itinerary
- All boudoir portraits begin with a consultation prior to the photo sessions to plan the creation of your glamour images. Locations for the session can be discussed. They can be indoors at your home or with select props at my home. Clothing and background coordination will be covered. One half of the package price chosen will be due at this time with the balance paid at the beginning of the photo session.
Boudoir. Itinerary. I hope he only didn't mention it only because it goes without mentioning, that your Boudoir Itinerary consultation could take place inside Larry Jamison's sweet van. I am in Heaven. Heavan.
I think we finally know who was writing those Burt Reynolds fan letters.
I hope the subjects of these pictures aren't embarrassed, because SEVENTIES PHOTOGRAPHY IS AMAZING. I WOULD PROUDLY HANG ANY OF THESE IN MY BOUDOIR.
HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED A MUSTACHE RIDE ON PURE SATIN? IT IS MAGIC.
MY GOD, IS THAT A FAMILY OF RUSSIAN NESTING DOLLS??? LARRY JAMISON IS A WIZARD! They seem to like plaid as much as I do. I think this is my secret family.
Oh hello there. I didn't hear you come in.
Can I have a thicker parasol? It's very bright in here.
This one isn't that funny, but I included it because I want those puppies inside me. Hey, fellas, let me smell your fur NOM NOM NOM NOM.
Naw, baby, no one's ever been on this couch before you, I swear.
Dear Sexy Lingerie Lady: I've stared at your picture so many times that I think I have all your ruffles named.
Why yes, I DO run track and field, why do you ask?
A glass of white wine, your favorite jukebox -- just a relaxation train to pleasure town.
What? Well of course I'm sure this dress is appropriate. You look great, baby, there's no reason to be shy.
MOM?
TWINSIES! (But seriously, aren't they adorable?)
(*White Snake song fades in*)
(*Color Me Badd song fades in*)
BRASS BLAZER BUTTONS, SON WHAT!
"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"
My boudoir photography has always been a range of looks or styles of photography variously described as romantic soft, sensual, glamorous, suggestive, semi-nude and nude. Boudoir, French for bedroom, refers to images that have themes of romance, sensuality, and flirtation. It is not necessary to be nude or revealing in boudoir photography. It has more to do with an attitude or state of mind than the state of dress or undress. Your boudoir portraits can be done as a very unique gift to a loved one, conveying love, affection and giving or you can just “indulge yourself in a boudoir fantasy” and do it just for you. It’s your choice.
My boudoir portraiture is done with film with either large format Mamiya RB-67 camera or a classic Nikon F-2. I can utilize Norman Studio lights with the main light coming from the “Starfish” which produces a soft light similar to a cloud passing in front of the sun or I can photograph you anywhere outdoors. Softness in the image can be created with glass matte filters of my own design. I no longer have a full studio but do have the fainting couch seen in these samples and some other props. I can meet clients interested in my work here at my home in the Felton Manor or we can have a chat and discuss prices at a coffee shop like our local Starbucks.
Praise God for you, Larry Jamison. Though I'm afraid I'm going to need something stronger than coffee. I will be toasting every cocktail I drink to you for the next six months. I want to jump on Oprah's couch and scream my love of Larry Jamison before an indifferent nation. This is the best time I've had in years.
More amazing photography, including NSFW shots, at LarryJamison.com
Thanks to Rob for the tip. You are a king among men.
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I call shenanigans. That guy looks nothing like how Fek describes himself. Where’s the Punisher shirt? Where’s the red Chucks?
Wow. He must drown his camera in vaseline (or semen) before he takes the pictures. Also Vince, is the couch in picture #12 a potential new jack-off couch?
Larry Jamison is all the justification the world will ever need for why internet access is a RIGHT!
It’s no sweater vest, but hey…
don’t forget his research into the kennedy assassination! [larryjamison.com]
6 of 22, at the Welshley Arms:
“We should mention that although the waters above appear calm, below the surface there is a frenzy of activity.
Hands groping, fingers fluttering, thighs twitching in the anticipation of love-making that will take place in this ha-tub in less than 12 minutes.”
It’s no koi-skin vest…
also, is that chick feeding that dude a two-inch slice of cheese in the hot tub pic?
After he takes their pictures, do you think he lets them go?
Russian nesting dolls?!?! That made me pee.
Aaaaand, thank you Google Maps. Looks like a fantastic apartment!
[goo.gl]
I can confirm that this van and driver are VERY real. The rape van in question is usually parked in front of my shop on Valencia. I once ignored a line of customers when I saw the van pull up and park so I could get a peek at the driver, then later walked by the Pedo Bear van. What a great day…
From 19:
Larry: “Hey girl, I feel like this shot is one step away from really making it to the big time, dig?”
Girl: “Well I have a tiny tattoo on my upper thigh, I could hike up my shirt and show it.”
Larry: “Damn girl, you’re like sex on velvet.”
I’m in the wrong line of business. THIS is what I should have been doing with my life.
Yes, lets retire to the study to discuss our business over brandy. This is the way business is conducted at The Felton Manor.
#6 “My lovahhhh Virginia and I were eating Moussaka….”
Vince you’ll be happy to know that Filmdrunk is now my preferred source for rape van related news. Don’t let me down.
Many chokeholds were mastered in the back of that van.
I’m pretty sure the girl in #12 is who Baby Goose has directed every single one of his “Hey Girl”‘s towards.
Larry Jamison stops for chicks into van hailin’.
Cause I know what it meeeeaans /
To walk along /
The lonely street of dreams!
Cause HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OOOOWWWNN! /
Go-in’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter /
I was born to walk alone.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, /
I ain’t wasting no more time.
/ air guitar solo
// wipes away tears of joy, shame
A fifth of Jameson’ or fifth of Jamison, m’lady?
Amirite? Smooth guy is smooth.
Larry is something of a rapiste.
That’s a pretentious rapist.
[Backs
rape vantalentmobile up torape shedstudio, tosses "rolled up carpet" into it.]$550 so some creepy troll can snap pictures of you bent over in your undies?
Totes legit.
Also, I think I may have wasted a good portion my life.
That last picture reminds me of a young Tucker Carlson.
And by last, I meant next to last.
I feel like you have made America a safer and better place today, Vince.
“I have published the conclusions of my research in a 42 page book I have chosen to call “A JFK Assassination Disclosure Document.” It is spiral bound, has original diagrams and two color pages including two reproductions of frame 313 of the Zapruder film. This research is likely the reason I get some aerial harassment, such as helicopter over flights on the anniversary of the assassination on 2001, 2002 and 2003.
To purchase a copy of this book for $25.00, you can mail a check or money order to me at 648 Felton Way, Apt. B-10, San Luis Obispo, 93405-1172; you may also call me at 543-3116 and I will arrange to give you a copy personally at our local Starbucks Coffee shop. You may also contact me by e-mail at Larry762@tcsn.net and I will set up arrangements to meet you during the day. ”
That was from his research section, he also goes into AIDS being a man made virus…MAN MADE PARTYING.
For a good laugh check out the family portrait section of his site. Fuck the 70′s/80′s fucking suuuuuucked.
Only $1800 to live out my photo fantasies (photantasies?)? Mr. Jamison, how do you afford to gas up and maintain that beautiful van when everyone is ROBBING YOU BLIND with these LOW LOW PRICES?!?!?
Also, if he’s my photographer for an entire day, am I responsible for keeping him fed? Or do I just supply the water for the dehydrated food powders he exclusively survives off of?
This fucker lives in SLOtown?! I’m gonna be knocking about the cent coast the 4th weekend, we have gotta go get a family portrait done by this man. MUST!
Why hello 5 of 22. What-say we head back to my place for a glass of Paul Masson? I may even throw in my Betamax of Smokey and the Bandit…
7/22-Mrs. Renee will never forget meeting “Molesting Sofa-Beddy” at Pee-Wee’s Playhouse…never…forget.
The only logical thing to do with this information is a set of Frotcast boudoir photos.
I read “Rape Van Driver Discovered to be Master of Incredible 70s Photography” and I though an entirely different thing, and then I read the post and I confirmed that thing.
I call my fainting couch the GHB couch
Once again you buried the lead, Vince. His Kennedy Assassination research deserved equal attention along side all of the feathered hair, 1980s, skintastic shots.
San Louis Obisbo is a college town and Larry is that weird old guy that lives next door in a shithole apartment and just watches. Go research how many white girls go missing every few years there, it’s crazy. It would be interesting to find out how the local law views and treats him. I’m sure Larry blames that on his groundbreaking research, beautifully presented on 42 two color pages, spiral bound(Thanks for taking his castoff boudoir pictures as trade Kinko’s!)and not on his hobby of van sport raping.
I just keep picturing Larry in yellowed tighty whities carefully attaching colored thumb tacks to a 1970′s wall size U.S. map. Methodically keeping track of “local Starbuck’s coffee shops”. Larry must be ready to hit the interstate system in his van when your call comes through for his literary masterpiece. I know I only purchase books on the Kennedy assassination from the author, in person, in a local starbucks. Where do you people buy books? Amazon? C’mon you haven’t lived till you have exchanged cash with a possible van rapist, for a coffee table worthy spiral bound beauty.
You guys have to set up a meeting at Starbucks with this guy. Buy the book and just take some time to get to know Larry. I am sure this is just the tip of the crazy iceberg. Maybe you could splurge for the $1800 full day and set up a boudoir photo section on the site. I wan’t to see a recreation of the hot tub shot with you and Lindy, cheese and all. God’s speed.
“Is there ANY word in the English language more rapey-sounding than BOUDOIR?”
No. Because it’s not English. It’s French.
“Is there ANY word in the English language more rapey-sounding than ?”
No. No there isn’t.
I *really* want
•The Pampered Goddess,
but all I can afford now is
•The Movie Star….
I wonder how much the “Anally Raped and Left for Dead” package goes for?
orvi- I’m sure he comps the “anally raped and left for dead” package.
The research on the JFK assassination is what did it for me … No means yes. No means yes.
Apparently I have watched L&A; SUV at LEAST once too many times:
•Anally Raped and Left for Dead – I’m your photographer until we get to the irrigation ditch outside of town! Unlimited removal of clothing, in van and outdoor location sessions, get the money back you have invested in life insurance! Chloroform in a hanky, two rolls of duct tape, one ski mask, custom framed boyfriend, one gallon of bleach, two pair of gloves, one shower curtain, $FREE (except the cash in your wallet, it may have to look like a robbery).
And if you believe in that type of thing, going to hell.
I’d hate to see the picture with Dexy’s Midnight Runner playing in the background…