There’s a new clip from Transformers: Dark of the Moon out (opening July 1st), and it seems as if Michael Bay is finally giving the fans what we’ve long been clamoring for: MORE JOSH DUHAMEL. It’s like someone found a way to bottle pure charisma, and gave it a spiky haircut.  In the clip, Mr. Fergie addresses his troops on the eve of Earth’s destruction, giving the kind of pump-up speech I can only describe as if Bill Pullman in Independence Day had sex with a genetic hybrid of Gene Hackman in Hoosiers and George C. Scott’s Patton, and gave birth to a child that was weaned on milk from Michael Bay’s leopards and only allowed to watch Armageddon.

“Alright, LISTEN UP.  You wanna hit back? We’re gonna have wingsuit in.  It’s the only way to get close.”

We already tried Parkour, BASE jumping, sky surfing, rappelling, kite surfing, boogie boarding, street luging, snowmobiling, snowboarding, wakeboarding, four-wheeling, and mini-bikes, and TRUST ME, THESE GOVERNMENT-ISSUE NEOPRENE FLYING SQUIRREL SUITS ARE THE ONLY WAY!  NOW DROP YOUR C*CKS AND GRAB YOUR SOCKS, MARINES, TONIGHT’S GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT, OOH RAH-AH AH-AH!

DUHAMEL: “I can’t promise anyone a ride home, but if you’re with me… the world needs ya now.”

TOUGH BLACK SOLDIER: “I’ll find my own ride, sir!”

DUHAMEL: “WHO ELSE?”

EVERYONE: “OVER HERE, SIR!”

DUHAMEL: “THEN HERE WE GO!”

EVERYONE GRAB A RED BULL! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! WE’LL SHOW THESE GODDAMNED GENERAL MOTORS ROBOTS WHAT XTREME MARINES CAN DO, MAZEL TOV!

I always “wingsuit in” to the bedroom.