As HL Mencken once wrote, no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of something or other and blah blah blah. Unless Mencken was the guy who invented Nos and whistle tips, who really cares? Fast Five (5 Fast 5 Furious) ran away with $83 million this weekend, more than doubling 2011’s previous biggest opening, Rio, with $39.2 million. And unlike the movies, they did it without a preposterously elaborate scheme relying on Vin Diesel being really good at driving straight. I don’t really get Fast and Furious, but I don’t really get pro wrestling either, and Fast/Furious is basically pro wrestling with cars. Something ridiculous happens, cheese moment, cheese moment, cheese moment, the big men yell at each other looking like they might kiss, something else ridiculous happens, repeat. I knew there was no way it’d do less than $50-60 million, but $83 million? Jesus. Just as Pete Hammond the studio’s marketing department promised, “it leaves everything else in its dust!”
| Film | Weekend | Per | Total | |
| 1 | Fast Five | $83,630,000 | $22,950 | $83,630,000 |
| 2 | Rio | $14,400,000 (-45.3%) | $3,883 | $103,627,000 |
| 3 | Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family | $10,050,000 (-59.9%) | $4,392 | $41,080,000 |
| 4 | Water for Elephants | $9,125,000 (-45.8%) | $3,236 | $32,263,000 |
| 5 | Prom | $5,000,000 | $1,832 | $5,000,000 |
| 6 | Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil | $4,140,000 | $1,653 | $4,140,000 |
| 7 | Soul Surfer | $3,300,000 (-39.3%) | $1,642 | $33,775,000 |
| 8 | Insidious | $2,687,000 (-48.4%) | $1,696 | $48,307,000 |
| 9 | Hop | $2,557,000 (-79.0%) | $805 | $105,276,000 |
| 10 | Source Code | $2,532,000 (-50.3%) | $1,539 | $48,909,000 |
The interesting thing is that pretty much every other release this weekend tanked. Madea’s Big Happy Family fell nearly 60%, the kind of drop you normally only see with horror movies, and Prom and Hoodwinked Too! (which, let’s be honest, hardly anyone even heard about) barely managed $4 and $5 million openings. Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, even worsted Mars Needs Moms for the worst-ever opening for a broadly-released 3D movie. If someone wants to look up Hoodwinked and tell us what the hell it is, feel free. Meanwhile, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night didn’t even manage $1 million on 885 screens. Poor Brandon Routh. After starring in Dylan Dog, Scott Pilgrim, and Zack and Miri Make a Porno, it seems pretty clear that the man is box office poison. That’s what he gets for being so handsome.
[Fast Five] was also the third highest-grossing opening weekend outside of the summer and holiday seasons, behind Alice in Wonderland (2010)’s $116.1 million and The Passion of the Christ‘s $83.8 million. If one counted Fast Five as the summer’s early start, as its marketing insisted, its gross would have ranked seventh among past summer kick-offs (Spider-Man 3 holds that record with $151.1 million).
With Fast Five, distributor Universal Pictures celebrated its biggest-grossing opening weekend ever, surpassing The Lost World: Jurassic Park‘s $72.1 million. However, adjusted for ticket price inflation, The Lost World is still Universal’s champ at nearly $126 million, and Fast Five rates closer to The Bourne Ultimatum. Included in Fast Five‘s run were 243 IMAX venues, which contributed an estimated $8.3 million or around ten percent of the gross. Universal’s research showed that 56 percent of Fast Five‘s audience was male (about the same as Fast Four), 52 percent was under 25 years old (skewing older than Fast Four), 35 percent white (compared to Fast Four’s 28 percent) and 33 percent Hispanic (down from Fast Four’s 46 percent). [BoxOfficeMojo]
33 percent Hispanic? Why, it’s almost as if the Hispanic community enjoys over-the-top action and cars. In any case, this all but ensures that the Fast/Furious franchise will carry on until one of Will Smith’s kids is the star. I can’t wait.