
New revelations have come to light, forcing Arnold Schwarzenegger to admit having gone all Sally Hemmings (or possibly Rielle Hunter) up in “a member of his household staff,” implanting his bastard seed in the lining of her home-wrecking uterus. The LA Times first broke the story, reporting that the unidentified woman had worked for the Schwarzeneggers for 20 years, gave birth to the child about 10 years ago, and worked for the couple up until this January.
Shriver moved out of the family’s Brentwood mansion earlier this year, after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the paternity.
“After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago,” Schwarzenegger said Monday night in a statement issued to The Times in response to questions. “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”
To protect their privacy, The Times is not publishing the former staffer’s name nor that of her child. In an interview Monday before Schwarzenegger issued his statement, the former staffer said another man — her then-husband — was the child’s father.
She said she voluntarily left her position with the couple earlier this year after reaching a longstanding goal of working for them for two decades. “I wanted to achieve my 20 years, then I asked to retire,” she said, adding she received a severance payment and “left on good terms with them.” [LATimes]
It’s interesting to me that a guy who got famous greasing up his muscles and posing in his underwear for other dudes still managed to spawn the least-gay Republican politician scandal of the last 10 years.




The beefcake is a lie!
“Severance payment” means she didn’t get the offer of being his sex slave in his golden years.
Dis pregnancy should have been… terminated.
Why didn’t he just tell her it was a TUMAH and to have it removed?
I assume this kid’s name (along with all of Schwarzenegger’s kids’ names) is either Jamie (pronounced “CHAY-MEE!!!!”) or Dana (pronounced “DAAY-NAHH!!!!”)
*Overheard during an ultrasound in 2001*
The fetus looks remarkable, Adonis-like even! But I have no idea what it’s saying…
The paternity test occurred when the coat hanger came out mangled into a pretzel shape.
This kid makes sure that every school day has a scene shoehorned in where he can be smoking a big cigar
I’ll be bareback!
He wouldn’t be having these problems ten years later had he told her to GET TO THE DOCTAH!
Cut him a break, you guys, he just wanted to hear the lamentation of their women.
This you can thrust.
*points to crotch*
In his defense, she shouldn’t have yelled, “Cum in me if you want to live!”
So THAT’S where he’s been getting his mullato ass fix.
Upon beholding the child, he yelled, “Who is your daddy, and what does he do?”
The real question is how this will affect his bid to become the new head of the IMF.
I’m a little worried about this kid guys. I mean if he* is 10 years old now that makes him a prime target for one of Arnie’s ex-bodybuilding buddies turned mercenaries to kidnap him in a quest for world domination through controlling the stock prices of Met-Rx and GNC, wouldn’t it?
*Assuming a male child b/c Arnie can’t possible be weak sauce.
damn, why couldnt the maid be black? then the bastard child would be nicknamed schwarzeniggar
Thank god you put the A in there, I wouldn’t want people to think that last comment was racist.
Every time I hear about his divorce I feel compelled to shout the Reineer Wolfcastle line, “Maria, my mighty heart is breaking!”
It was nice of them to protect the mother’s identity but the kid having three tits kinda narrows down the possibilities.
I cant be racist, I’m 1/4 black so that gives me the greenlight to say pretty much whatever I want…Ok, what about Schwarzenigga?
Cohaagen, give these people an heir!
If it bleeds, I can bone it.
I hope you leave enough room for my dick because I’m going to ram it into your pussy, and break you’re goddamn spine!!
If Arnold had told her to get an abortion, he could’ve said “It’s just been erased”.
When it comes to having children out of wedlock, it seems it was Arnold that was given…the wrong advices.
When Arnold got her in his bedroom the day it happened he told her “Your clothes. Give them to me, now!!”
Hey Maria, remember when you asked me if I cheated? I lied.
When the housemaid told Arnie she was pregnant, he told her “This is tactically dangerous”.
Oh and lastly, we all know what the headlines are gonna say the day everything is final. “Consider that a divorce.”
They realized that no paternity test was needed when the baby tore the umbilical cord with his bare hands and then slapped the nurse on the ass.
It’s interesting to me that a guy who got famous greasing up his muscles and posing in his underwear for other dudes still managed to spawn the least-gay Republican politician scandal of the last 10 years.
*golf clap* well done sir