This Week in Posters

Do I have to keep introducing this segment?  You guys get it now, right?  This is where I post the movie posters from last week, all in one handy place.
Everything Must Go.  Will Ferrell goes back to the sort-of drama form he displayed in Stranger Than Fiction in an indie dramedy (a thousand apologies for using that word) from first-time director Dan Rush.  They filmed it in Arizona, hence the sweat stain.  But it’s a dry heat, which is why the rest of him is mostly dry.  It’s not the most interesting poster, but it’s very climate-accurate.
[source = Cinematical]

The first of five new posters for The Immortals, from the producers of The 300 (remember when comparing things to 300 was, like, the THING?) and director Tarsem Singh.  Tarsem Singh directed The Fall, which was great, and The Cell, which was also a movie.

These posters look pretty great, but I never understand the whole “Gods fighting each other” storyline.  What happens when you kill a God?  He has to take the sh*tty office?  What exactly are the terms here?

Oh I get it, that red stuff is like an Earth, Air, Fire, Water theme (no word on “Heart”, the gay fifth element from Captain Planet.  Oh, Captain Planet, ever progressive.).  Also, who taught this assh*le how to use a trident?  Pointy-side out, stupid.

Earth, Fire, Water… whips?  Is this the goddess of whips?

What if you had a Trojan helmet MADE TOTALLY OUT OF SWORDS!! OOH WHA-AH AH-AH, HORSE HAIR IS FOR PUSSIES!

The Green Lantern power flows through Ryan Reynolds’ veins, you see. Between this and the latest trailer, they’re really trying to make the Green Lantern oath happen, aren’t they.  It’s okay, I guess.  I mean, it’s no “word to your moms, I came to drop bombs,” that’s for sure.  That’s the first line of the Uproxx oath, right before the stuff about corgi worship and virulent xenophobia.
[source = DailyBlam]

The Hangover 2, and yes, we’ve already seen this one.  But that’s okay.  Anyway, it’s hard not to be impressed with the marketing for this picture so far.  I mean, I realize it’s not Merchant-Ivory, but they got all the stars in there plus communicated the plot AND threw in a monkey wearing pants without it looking like a photoshopped mess.  That has to count as a win. And they left out Justin Bartha again, thank God.  If I see him in one piece of Hangover marketing material… well, I don’t know what I’d do.

Hesher.  “Sometimes life gives you the finger, and sometimes it gives you… Hesher?”
It’s not the catchiest of taglines.  And I liked this poster better.  But I saw this at Sundance last year and loved it, and then they recut it and showed it again at SXSW, and from what I hear, it’s even better.  In any case, I like this still better than any poster:

Because he’s in his underwear on a dirty couch, you see.  I guess I just identified with it.
[via BoxOfficeBuz]

The King’s Speech was re-cut and re-released as a PG-13 film, so now it’s a family film, as you can tell by this poster showing the one scene with kids in it (and not filmed on a gay porn set).  The recut version failed to break the top 10, incidentally.  It’s strange, I could’ve sworn teens everywhere would be dying to see an evocative British period drama.
[source = IMPA]

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has mermaids, y’all.  Not sexy ones though, these ones barely show their shoulders and are photoshopped within an inch of their lives.  I wonder if this will be enough to please Allan Bard, the guy who left this comment on my last Pirates post:

allanbard says: Believe it or not, this will probably be the 1st movie with “real” mermaids! I mean aren’t you fed up with all those movies where you can see the legs of a girl/young woman under the mask of a fish tail? [I TOTALLY AM! -Ed] Long live the new special effects, watching the trailer I almost felt like I’m in a story of mine! The mermaids are perfect! It’s probably weird to be so fascinated about these mythical creatures, but I guess everyone would agree that they are the most gracious creatures, leave alone sexiest too… [What about swans?  I’d stick it to a swan.  Or an alpaca.  They’re soft AND have feminine eyelashes. -Ed] When I was a kid I fell in love with a mermaid which realy helped me write some books of mine. That’s why when I see a mermaid I feel in love again, all the adventures I had as a kid come really vivid again, and I feel in a company of good friends… Best wishes to all the crew of the movie! Let the wonderful noise of the sea always sounds in your ears! (a greeting of the water dragons’ hunters – my 1st Tale Of The Rock Pieces).

He’s not lying about writing books, by the way.  Here’s the cover art for that, and Allan, I can say with 100% certainty that I much prefer your original artwork to Pirates‘ bland, photoshopped garbage any day:

El Español poster por El Source Code, starring Yake Yillenhaal. The title is way cooler in Spanish.  Meanwhile, source codes are the texture of the exterior of Epcot Center, apparently.
[IMPA]
We saw the first trailer for The Debt last July, but apparently it isn’t opening until August, which usually isn’t a good sign.  Hey, remember in the trailer when that redhead beat up a Nazi during her own gynecological exam?  That was awesome.  Hey, remember when Sam Worthington was the next big thing?

Jeez, first a chocolate Norseman and now an Asian one?  You’re really trying to piss off the klan, aren’t you.  So who’s Hogun?

Hogun is a member of a trio of Asgardian adventurers consisting of Fandral the Dashing, Hogun the Grim, and Volstagg the Valiant and referred as the Warriors Three (but not in the comics themselves). They were members of the supporting cast in Marvel’s Thor comics and usually provided comic relief and side-adventures.
The only thing known about his past is that he’s not an Aesir like most of the Asgardians. Also, his unnamed homeland was conquered long ago by Mogul of the Mystic Mountain, who slew Hogun’s forebears and laid waste to the land.

Sure, whatever.  All I know is that I can’t look at this poster without reading it as “HOOOOOOGUUUUUUNNNN!”

Here’s a crazy whacky poster for Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life, starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn.  We don’t know what it’s about, but you can bet your sweet ass it will be both visually stunning and life affirming.

[IMPA]

Visually.  Stunning.  Life.  Affirming.

Courtesy of iTunes, here’s the new retro poster for True Legend, from legendary fight choreographer Yuen Woo Ping.  “This movie has Asian stuff,” the poster seems to be saying.  Sidenote: Yuen Woo Ping was a stunt choreographer on Endhiran, the Indian movie about a giant cobra made of robot men that slithers around eating cars.  This movie could use more of that.  Pretty much every movie could.

Until next week.  And if you spot movie ads near you, feel free to send those suckers to me so I can include it in the round up.

×