After the jump, you can watch the interview with the screenwriter behind this weekend’s blockbuster, nay, PaulWalkbuster, Fast Five (5 Fast 5 Furious).
[On coming up with his script] “I wanted the cars to drive fast, and some of them to explode.”
[On the return of Jordana Brewster] “She’s a girl, and she likes to kiss, so she doesn’t play with the cars, but sometimes she does, but mostly just the boys.”
The kid is obviously great, but I also enjoy the tooly Morning Show interviewer.
“How many sequels are you planning?”
“Six hundred.”
“Ha! Well I know where I’ll be every summer!”
There’s not much left to say here other than bravo, The Onion, bravo. This almost makes up for the time you invited some hipster with a tuba baritone down to record a cover of a Danzig song.
[via TheOnion]
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No way, bro! I can’t believe you’re seeing this! Oh, and I need I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell back, dude.
Are you going to peel out of the driveway, haul ass to the theater really super fast while shooting out the back window, and then power-slide neatly into a parking space? Because that’s what I would do.
Dude, skip the fuckin’ theatre. Dawson’s cousin’s faggity-ass stepbrother copped a pirated version from China or some shit. We’re throwing that motherfucker up on the plasma.
Bring that half-bottle of Mad Dog I left in your kitchen. ORANGE JUBILEE, SAY WHAT!?
I call shenanigans. That kid is at least six.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who hated that Danzig cover. They should pay Glenn in bricks until he feels they have earned their apology.
Anyone remember where they were when they saw the first one? I do. It was my last date with my High School girlfriend. $1 theater. Broke up that night after 4 years together. She wanted to be free when we went to college that next week. I felt like the world was changing. Next day? September 11th, 2001.
Make sure you bring an abacus with one bead to the theater so you can count Paul Walker’s facial expressions.
You can tell who the love interest is because she’s always getting her pigtails pulled.
I hope you’ve seen the previous 4 films, Vince. Otherwise, I won’t be able to take your review seriously.
@Erswi: he’ll be 6 by the time we get a new post.
They waited until he was 5 because the studio has a thing about screenwriters who crap their pants. It’s why they can’t hire Michael Bay anymore.
Tits up.
I’d like to request a Lindy reviews the plot for 5F5F.
The Onion and The AV Club aren’t the same thing, dummy.
Um, yes? (Or rather, one is part of the other. But so is the Onion News Network.)
Good hatin’ though.
I disabled my ad-blocking add-on to watch this video, and holy shit the ads on Uproxx are absolutely horrendous. Thank Jeebus for Adblock Plus.