HELP ME, DAMMIT! I'M HARRY CONNICK JR, THE FAMOUS MARINE BIOLOGIST!

HELP ME, DAMMIT! I'M HARRY CONNICK JR, THE FAMOUS MARINE BIOLOGIST!

I’ve been following Dolphin’s Tale, the heartwarming tale of a robo-dolphin from the director of Air Bud, since I first heard about it, and if ComingSoon‘s latest set pictures prove anything, it’s that it’s happening!  It’s really happening!  Here’s the plot, to refresh your memory:

“Dolphin” is inspired by the true story of a dolphin named Winter who was rescued off the Florida coast and taken in by the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. The movie version centers on an introverted, 11-year-old boy who befriends an injured dolphin who lost her tail in a crab trap. Through their bond and friendship, the boy motivates everyone around him to help save the dolphin by creating a prosthetic appendage. The mammal’s strong survival instincts become an inspiration to people with special needs. [Reuters]

I want to make sweet butt sex to that synopsis.  SHE’S A SPECIAL-NEEDS DOLPHIN… WITH A SPECIAL NEED… TO WARM YOUR RETARDED HEART!

Wait, did I mention the dolphin’s robot tail was built by none other than MORGAN FREEMAN, THE KINDLY OLD BLACK MAN WHO DESIGNED THE BATMOBILE??? BECAUSE F*CK YEAH IT WAS.

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Oh, and it’s got Ashley Judd too.

“I didn’t know it was true story when I was reading it,” says Judd. “When I was done I thought, ‘This writer needs to be taken out and shot! This is just so emotionally manipulative, and how dare they have the audacity to incorporate every touching storyline imaginable?’ Little boy abandoned by his father who idolizes his hero cousin who’s a great athlete and a soldier too. That’s criminal. Then I saw SeeWinter.com and it dawned on me it’s a true story and thought it would be a wonderful thing to be a part of.”

WOUNDED SOLDIERS! INSPIRING WOUNDED DOLPHINS! AND VICE VERSA!  HELP, MY HEART! IT’S TOO WARM!

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Mother of God, this movie is just too awesome.  Get a load of Ashley Judd here.  She looks ever so proud. You would be too if your son helped Dr. Morgan Freeman and Marine Biologist Harry Connick Jr. design a special tail for a crab-maimed dolphin.

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If they don’t make a sequel in which the Iraq-war hero and his bionic dolphin go to Japan to kick the sh*t out of those assholes from The Cove, I’m going to be pissed.