It didn’t seem to bode well for the movie, when in the first trailer for Your Highness, the centerpiece joke was a guy falling down. The red-band trailer was a huge improvement, but even in that, Natalie Portman’s butt sort of stole the show. You can hardly blame them, she’s an Oscar winner. If I made a movie with Meryl Streep’s bush in it, it wouldn’t matter what it was about, Meryl Streep’s bush would be the selling point. Maybe even the name of my first born. In any case, early word is that Your Highness does indeed have stuff besides Natalie Portman’s butt in it, and 85% of that stuff is cow boners. As Danny McBride recently told Opie and Anthony:
“We have a minotaur hard-on in the film. …And it’s full hard. There is a rape scene with a minotaur and a man. You see the minotaur… get his sh*t going. You apparently can’t show a male hard-on, but since this was a minotaur, we said it was the bull which was getting turned on. Because the bull is the bottom half. You can get away with that if it’s creature hard-ons.”
I’ve admitted this before, but one of my ultimate guilty pleasure movies is Freddy Got Fingered, which probably has a lot to do with seeing it when I was really high. And of course the signature scene in that film is Tom Green holding up an erect horse penis shouting, “Daddy, I’m a farmer!” I guess what I’m trying to say is that if your film has big erect farm animal penises, my only question is where to buy popcorn. Wow, you can practically hear my graduate school professors beaming with pride right now.
[thanks to Robopanda for the tip]
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Not one Donkey Show joke? I am disappoint.
I think we all know what this means: the MPAA are a bunch of furries.
When they re-release this in Russia, the scene is altered so it actually ends up being Oleg Taktarov raping the minotaur.
…
Because in Soviet Russia, minotaur gets raped by you?
Wait, wait. Aren’t minotaurs the head of a bull and the body of a man? So wouldn’t it still be a man’s junk?
I don’t get it.
Sweet! So this means we have a shot of seeing Sarah Jessica Parker’s cooze.
@Patty: Born of Queen Pasiphae’s god-inflicted infatuation with a bull, Terror of the Labyrinth, head of a bull, body of a man, junk of a bull. Duh!
When this movie flops they will blame it on everyone in the target demographic flocking to the PG-13 The King’s Speech.
…
Regarding minotaur anatomy, it can really go either way for “waist down” on a minotaur. The Mighty Feklahr has seen them depicted as both.
You want bull cock? The Texas A&M freshmen orientation video has all the bull cock you can and, eventually, will handle.
This MPAA loophole needs to be exploited.
Splash sequel.
Mermaid poon.
I was going to ask how you know that, but I don’t want to know.
When Nat Port hits that water the black swan is comin’ out.
[thanks to Robopanda for the tip]
That’s what … never mind.
Glad to know about that loophole. I guess every road movie from now on is going to have Jonah Hill getting ass raped by Cerberus.
Rumor is they used a double for the penis shot cause the minotaur didn’t want to ruin his reputation in the biz.
” You see the minotaur… get his sh*t going.” is the greatest sentence in the history of the English language. Fuck Shakespeare. Fuck Chaucer. Fuck Dan Brown.
Big fuckin’ deal. My tuesday nights have cow dicks and minotaur rape scenes. Try doing a “brown octopus” with real octopae. Live. They’re already moist but on the downside they can put up a surprisingly unarousing struggle.
I saw a guy in a movie once that had the body of a man, but the sex organ of a bull. I think his name was Mark Wahlberg. It was frightening.
What movie is Meryl Streep’s bush in? The Devil Wears Nada?
Hey-oh.