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I kick myself every day for being late to the party on King of Kong, something I’ve tried to atone for by dedicating my life to someday getting close enough to smell Billy Mitchell’s beautiful hair (I bet it’s a mix of cotton candy and diesel fuel, the smell of America).  Making matters more complicated is the fact that there’s a new Donkey Kong world champion in town, New York plastic surgeon Hank Chien, the subject of the upcoming documentary Doctor Kong: Cutting Up the Competition, from director Alexis Neophytides.   To be fair, “Kong” always did sound like an Asian name.Billy-Mitchell-Tattoo

Hank Chien burst onto the scene and stole the title from Billy Mitchell, who’d held it for the previous three years. Mitchell then took the title back, only to be bested by Steve Wiebe in September. And Wiebe, in turn, found himself unseated by Chien this past January. [/Film]

Chien may not be as likable as Wiebe or have Billy Mitchell’s henchmen, lustrous hair, trophy wife, hot sauce recipe, or Stars and Stripes tie, but I must admit that he does have a knack for being a creepily self-satisfied dork:

“I was handling one of the people at Twin Galaxies, and when he found out I was a plastic surgeon, he was like, ‘shouldn’t you be out getting laid?’  And I was like, ‘I’m playing Donkey Kong so I can get laid!’”

“Someone said, ‘Now that you have the world record, you have to stop playing.’ And I’m like, ‘Do you tell Mozart to stop composing music?’”

Someone fetch my jacket, there seems to be a douche chill in here.  Alternate title for this movie: “Haha, Cool Story, Bro.” Billy Mitchell’s goons really need to capture this guy with a butterfly net, take him to a basement somewhere, and rub Rickey’s World Famous Louisiana Hot Sauce in his eyes.

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[via GeorgeRoush]