FilmDrunk’s 2010 Lifetime Achievement Award winner Christopher Mintz-Plasse and some guy named Scott Porter are the latest actors to hop on board the upcoming indie comedy The Hand Job, which is starting to look like a “Who’s Who” of people you would expect to see attached to an indie comedy. Variety reports that in addition to Vince’s best friend Chris and that Scott dude who probably doesn’t even read FilmDrunk, the Maggie Carey-directed film also stars:
Aubrey Plaza
Alia Shawkat
Mae Whitman
Connie Britton
Dominic Dierkes
D.C. Pierson
Donald Glover
Andy Samberg
Bill Hader
Plaza stars as a nerdy (read: hipster; see also: Juno) high school student who vows to lose her virginity before she heads off to college. And as I wrote that sentence, a million pairs of skinny jeans just got a little bit tighter. Glover will play a lifeguard, which is ironic and therefore a part of the standard indie formula, and Hader will play a stoner. I wish he would play Stefon. Sad Burnsy in a skinny tie.
Variety also reports that the roles of a “gorgeous older sister” and Plaza’s “intimidating father, a conservative judge” have yet to be filled. And I will save them some time and go ahead and scribble Zooey Deschanel’s name in the sister role, and for the dad… Alec Baldwin. Maybe Tim Robbins. Either way, it will be someone who is a famous liberal mocking the conservative role. That will totally show the system. Or not. Whatever.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/1110/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Zac-Efron-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/Kick-ass-2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/trailer-for-inside-mindcharles-swan-with-charlie-sheen-bill-murray-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/indie-film-summer-league-features-a-cameo-by-one-of-our-own-150x150.jpg)
I look forward to disliking the soundtrack to this film.
Scott Porter is Jason “F*cking” Street. Wikipedia is a fantastic thing sometimes.
I’d react to the actual post but I’m still recovering from seeing “Burnsy” and “skinny” in the same sentence.
ugh since when is any girl getting her hymen stabbed a difficult chore? she could like walk outside and just like ask, done and done.
Funny, I look backward to liking the soundtrack to this film. Before they scored it.
@Doggie So is getting jokes.
@InkyP The Dolphins cheerleader almost got both arms around me.
@Burnsy: I’d react to your comment but I’m still trying to sweep up all this glass….
This is the last time I ever fill in for Vince on the fly when he’s at the urologist.
What, no Michael Cera?
[Rolls up in truck blasting Kid Rock, sporting 40" wheels, 24" body lift, trucknutz]
Sounds good to me.
[Sips Shlitz from brandy snifter with pinky in air]
So is this some kind of a medical heist film?
Patty, I assume Scott Parker is Michael Cera’s new stage name, because I clearly can’t find any information on him otherwise.
I just hate the thought of Cera moping down the street while sad Charlie Brown music plays because he got left out.
Scumbag Steve is destined to be in this movie as the guy who casually dismisses the leading girl as a prude.
The Mighty Feklahr was certain that Donald Glover was too old for this shit?
The Mighty Feklahr hopes this movie has a happy ending.
I was about to say that Donald Glover looks really young… And then I got it.
This is the last time I ever fill in for Vince on the fly when he’s at the urologist.
Next time just tell Vince, “Oh, sure…no problem Brovolone!”, then turn over the keys to the Klingon Empire! Filmdorshogha!
Dominic Dierkes, D.C. Pierson, Donald Glover
That’s all of the guys from The Mystery Team.
That movie SUCKED.
How about a contest to determine who in that cast will be least convincing as a high school student? Or teacher? Or handjob recipient?
Nerdy in a movie means hot chick in glasses. Nerdy in actual high school very much does not mean that.
I would call this movie a liberal piece of sheep shit, but that would be too predictable. Instead, I’ll call it a sweet, coming-of-age dramedy about offbeat teenagers struggling to fit in in middle-America.
@Leonard T. Pants *nodding*
This movie liked this movie before any other movies even knew about this movie.
@Dingus–this movie comes of age all over the dashboard.
/I think you meant beatoff teenagers
//snuggling to fit in Aubrey Plaza
For maximum indie cred, this was originally supposed to be performed live and in the fashion of a flash mob, but the producers were afraid to go forward without Franco’s blessing.
I sure hope they think Tom Waits is cool…
On International Women’s Day, I learned that chicks still only get paid 75% as much for hand jobs as men. That’s why fewer women seek hand careers.
The soundtrack to this movie broke up before it even recorded itself. I guess you should have seen this soundtrack at CBGB before it closed.
If this was a conservative movie, we’d all be talking about the ‘poophole loophole’ instead of handjobs.
If this was a conservative movie, it would be called Hand Jobs, Not Hand Outs.
Wait, so why is it called the Hand Job if the plot engine is her virginity? Is Aubrey Plaza’s character part of the Hand family? Is her father going to be Learned Hand?
Calling a movie about sex “The Hand Job” would be like calling The Natural “The Bunt”.
Is Aubrey Plaza likely to smile in this movie? Because I don’t think I’m ready to see that.
This chick, retarded or evangelical? Because any girl that thinks losing her virginity equates to tossing a dude’s paste with her hand, is bound to end up being one of those girls that don’t realize that they are preggers until they uber-queef a infant into the shitter.
If someone needs to level up to level down the pain on her vagina, I will die an awesomely ironic suicide.
Whoa! 36 comments?! This post is way too mainstream.
Rides off to Pete’s Coffee on streetboard]
[Comes back]
Wait, everybody’s gone. Retro hipster! I remember being at this post before it was ironically retro.
So this is a cumming of age tale?
The Fools! They should be wary of (Jesse) Eisenberg’s principal of diminishing coolness. It’s science!
Aubrey Plaza having trouble getting laid is like me having trouble wearing sweatpants. (hint: I’m a fat guy)
Is this an indie movie or a remake of Dance ‘Til Dawn?
I just hope Carey doesn’t make Samberg and Hader hand over their testicles before they step on set every day
Mae Whitman was ‘Katara’ in the greatest television series of all time, AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER.
She owns all your asses.