The dark sunglasses disguise his eyes while staring at your sandwich.
A few years ago, Russell Crowe took an Australian reporter on a brutal, 12-mile bike ride to punish her for writing an article making fun of him for eating three tacos and smoking cigarettes after working out with his personal trainer. After a recent appearance at a charity cricket match in New Zealand, he’s going to need a lot more bicycles. On the plus side, those little cycling hats with the upturned brims are a perfect place to hold your taco while you smoke a cigarette.
The 46-year-old seemed to have packed on the pounds when he appeared at a charity cricket match in Wellington, New Zealand, over the weekend. And as he took his place in the line-up at the match – in aid of victims of the recent earthquake in Christchurch – he was looking decidedly portly.
(*star donates his time for charity*) THE PRESS: “Haha, look at the fattie! Hey, fattie! Look over here so we can take your fat picture! Whoa, back up, lard ass, I’ve only got one camera! Haha, look at him wheeze while he picks up that legless orphan, he’s all out of breath from the fatness!”
The actor has in the past confessed to gaining weight for roles, having put on over 60lb to play a CIA chief in the 2008 film Body Of Lies. He said at the time that he indulged in burgers for breakfast as well as cupcakes to pile on the pounds for the role.
CROWE: “Oi, Ridley, you said all CIA chiefs are super fat, right?”
RIDLEY SCOTT: “What?”
CROWE: (*mouth full of sausage roll*)
The actor recently finished filming the action drama The Man With The Iron Fists and is also rumoured to be taking the lead in a remake of the 70s hit Westworld. [DailyMail]
The Man with the Iron Fists, incidentally, is a Kung Fu movie written by RZA and Eli Roth, and one thing the world needs more of is Kung Fu movies directed by RZA.
In feudal China, a blacksmith who makes weapons for a small village is put in the position where he must defend himself and his fellow villagers. [IMDB]
I admit I’m no expert on feudal China, but I’m thinking any role that isn’t the inventor of gravy is going to be a bit of a stretch.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Emma-Watson1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/11/LesMisJackmanHathaway-copy-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/trailers-for-man-with-the-iron-fists-rzas-kung-fu-movie-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/Noah-Crowe-full-s-ze-150x150.jpg)
Has he been studying with Kevin “Bacon”, har har har?
Russell Crowe is… The Fattyator.
and one thing the world needs more of is Kung Fu movies directed by RZA.
That film’s going to suck harder than Russell Crowe after slamming a didgeridoo into vat of vagemite.
Can you blame him when he sees all the plum roles going to guys like Kevin James, Jonah Hill and Zack Galifragilisticexpialadocious? To work in Hollywood these days you have to either be like them or wafer-thin like Cera and Eisenberg, and that’s just not happening.
He’s so tubby the recursive function computing his mass causes a stack overflow.
I’m assuming that’s accurate, the IT monkey just said that about me.
Damnit man, I thought you said Chocolate Covered Cricket Munch! Gahhhhh.
Oh, please. I work out just so I can eat stuff like burgers and cupcakes without going up a dress size. Am I right, girlfriend?!
He could be the mayor of Bellington, New Zealand.
He looks like a pig with a wig.
He should be apologizing for causing the quake in the first place.
I kid,I kid.
He will next be appearing in Sizzler.
/how long til he gets Kevin Smithed by Qantas?
“What do you drink to prepare for a role?”
“Yoohoo. Serious.”
He will try his hand at comedy in The Naked Gunt.
His fat collar with the fat white stripe for his fat shirt can’t be put down because of his fat neck.
He’s in complete denial about his weight gain. He’ll eat hamburgers, he’ll eat cupcakes but he won’t eat Crowe.
He’s preparing for a roll alright… and a danish, and a bagel, and donut, he he he
Crowe went from Body of Lies to Body of Lard
How bout doing an article on Hulk Hogan next. Or Hoax Hogan to be more precise. Eating the f*cking wedding cake with his bare hands while singing Obla-f*cking-Da!
My avatar is totally nervous.
By the looks of it, he’s on the same diet as Val Kilmer.
[Whips up in '83 Ferrari Testarossa sporting a massive 'stach and a black sidekick]
I think he’s got an awesome angle there. I’ma use that shit!
No, no, no, I’ve gained 4 stone not because I’m married and don’t give a shit anymore, love to eat shitty food, drink like it’s the cure for cancer, and landed a posh desk job. Certainly no. It’s because I’m preparing for my role as Tubby McFuckwagon in the community theater production of Fuddlefuck: A Love Story.
Westworld was a 70s hit? Oh yeah, in the alternate universe.
Now starring in GladHeAteHer!
I’ll show myself out, thank you very much.
Crowe prepares for rolls by tucking his napkin into his collar.
[pokes head in door]
You can be my buffalo wingman!
No? I’ll just be out here a little while longer.
Brunner’s gunman > Schwarzenegger’s terminator. Fact.
When asked about the entire sow he’d just consumed, Crowe said he was glad ‘e ate ‘er.