Michael Bay with his pet snow leopard, Kablooey.
Michael Bay has been going around telling anyone who will listen that the new Transformers is much better than the last one (I exaggerate very little here, I actually saw first hand him telling someone this, gesturing wildly like his South Park parody). One of his explanations being that the new one will be more serious, with less “dork humor” than the last one, which he points out was filmed during the writer’s strike. …Hmm, I don’t really have a transition here. Oh well. So it looks like one of the new robots will be a NASCAR bot with a mullet.
So says ToplessRobot, who found the above picture of “Topspin,” a Hasbro toy supposedly based on a character in the upcoming Transformers movie:
This is one of the Wreckers I posted in vehicle mode the other day. As an alien robot who’s alternate form is a NASCAR car, he of course has a mullet. I look forward to him speaking exactly like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel from The Simpsons, and making a joke about having sex with his sister Transformer.
Wikipedia describes him thusly:
Topspin likes hard jobs that leave him dented [LIKE YER MOM! -Ed]. He is very tough, but has below-average intelligence.
The obvious assumption is that white-trash Topspin will be the Caucasian foil to Mudflap and Skids, the so-called minstrel bots from the last movie, who talked street, sported gold teeth, and couldn’t read; the Miley Cyrus to their Flavor Flav. But let’s be honest, this isn’t an apology. That’s just your overeducated, PC brain playing tricks on you. These characters may seem based on hurtful racial stereotypes if you’re on your way back from your company-mandated sexual harassment seminar, but the truth is, they’re also real people that exist in the world. If you need examples, just look around you at a Transformers screening.
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“THOSE BLACK ROBOTS AREN’T RACIST ANYMORE BECAUSE THIS NEW ROBOT MAKES FUN OF POOR, UNEDUCATED WHITE PEOPLE OK THANKS BOOM.” – Michael Bay
You laugh, but Kenny Powersbot could seriously rescue this franchise. He’s better than everyone in the universe. Kiss his ass and suck his robodick, everyone.
I bet the trailer for this will be a double-wide.
So in this one instead of racist robots will it be siblings who are heavily implied to be fucking off screen?
Hell, why not on screen? After the automaton bukkake that was Transformers 2, why the hell not?
Although I can say, I don’t ever really remember watching the transformers as a kid and wishing they would act more like cartoon people. Because I was a kid, but I understood that THEY WERE FUCKING ROBOTS.
His favorite comedian is Larry the Cablebot.
NASCAR fans won’t mind as long as Topspin hates Jimmie Johnson.
I bet he has one of the scrotums dangling from his rear bumper.
That hole in the center of his chest must be where he keeps the spit cup.
What do you want to bet that he’ll spit oil that looks like tobacco?
Topspin is business in the front, exhaust in the back.
Topspin has a picture of Ned Beatty tattooed on his forearm.
If Bay wants Transformers 3 to be more serious, he’ll give Topspin expired Florida tags.
Topspin thinks Country Strong was robbed at the Academy Awards.
I am kinda surprised the NASCAR bot doesn’t transform into a truck so he can drag the black robots behind it.
Topspin: Sponsored by Skoal, powered by meth.
Bay’s rendering of Nascarbot will win this year’s coveted Stan Winston Cup.
Topspin is always late for Autobot meetings because it takes him a while to get off the cinder blocks in his front yard and to put his wheels back on.
Topspin’s hood is white.
Instead of an Autobot symbol, he will have a number 3.
During an exciting chase scene, a Decepticon is going to turn right, thus immediately outsmarting NASCAR bot.
Topspin wants to see a birth certificate because Optimus Prime is a terrist name iffn he ever heard one.
Topspin wants to make Bumblebee squeal like a robopiggy
$5 says he has a sidekick named Pitstop who transforms into a forklift with a French accent.
Can I nominate this entire thread to COTW? Because I can’t stop laughing at hillbilly robots.
Ain’t no daughter of Topspin’s gonna bring home one of them Jap cars.
Topspin has a bumper sticker that says No Fat Bots.
Autobots… Transform and Git R Done
Topspin already told you to shut up once with his muffler.
Topspin has a smaller robot that pops out of him that transforms into a Rascal Scooter named Teapartytron.
Topspin insists that the war between Autobots and Decepticons is really about states’ rights.
Topspin’s radio only plays Free Bird.
Topspin has a Jesus Fish emblem by his tail light.
Top spin stretches his headlights outwards and bucks his grill when making fun of Toyotas.
Topspin has a tattoo on his back of Calvin peeing on a Decepticon logo.
Topspin’s overbearing wife forces his daughter to participate in toddler car shows.
Topspin has a sponsor decal covering 80% of his front windshield. It’s dangerous and inconvenient, but he does love Fig Newtons!
Topspin doesn’t like all these new Autobots coming in from outer space. ‘Merica should be for ‘merican robots.
Topspin’s homophobic vitriol is just a cover to conceal his secret longing for the General Lee.
Topspin has a dual-clutch tranny cousin named Meatspin.
Oh thank God, I didn’t see the sequel and read that as menstrual Bots and assumed they were bitchy iron deficient scooters.
Topspin has a nice (gun) rack.
When Topspin was in middle school he used to beat up a smaller Bumblebee and call him Tailpipe because, “yeller is a queer culler”
Topspin placed a burning cross on Jazz’s front yard.
Topspin’s transformation sound effect is the dueling banjo theme from Deliverance.