Director Julie Taymor has left her $65 million Spider-Man musical just a week before the official opening night, so that’s going well. No word yet on whether she quit or was fired, but she was definitely fired. Sources say that the producers are now considering pushing the official opening back until June, though they’ve already had a record 100, unofficial “preview” shows (which I guess is just code for “don’t complain if it still sucks”). The delay will no doubt add to the show’s runaway budget, but should be hailed as a relief to the area’s understaffed emergency room doctors, who’ve been swamped with victims of “the spandex plague.”
“Actors are only allowed to rehearse a certain amount of time while performing on Broadway, so if they want to make some serious changes, they’re going to need to shut the show down for a good amount of time,” said NY1’s “On Stage” producer Frank DiLella. “That brings up the issue of money. The show is grossing $1.2 million a week.”
The show costs about $1 million a week to produce.
Sources say with Taymor out, the producers are considering pushing opening night of “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” back from next Tuesday to sometime in June.This means the show would not be eligible for any Tony Awards this year.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
“It’s a shame. All that money wasted,” said one New Yorker. “And for U2, with the music.”
“I think the amount of money that’s been spent on this musical is obscene,” said another. “The whole thing is ridiculous. With the number of injuries, it’s just nonsense. Money should be spent feeding the homeless, taking care of the city. It’s a reflection of our culture and it’s an outrage.” [NY1]
Wait, I’m not sure how to feel about this yet, are there any more slack-jawed yokels nearby who you could ask for an opinion? Maybe a cabbie, or a hot dog vendor? Oh, local news, don’t ever change. “Eh, oh, I feel bad for da homeless, but especially for dat friggin’ Bono. Shame on you, Julie Taymor.”
Boy, who would’ve thought a Broadway musical about Spider-Man with music by U2 would turn out to be such a bad idea, huh?
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“Yes,” responded someone who is also a complete hippie retard. “We should stop using taxpayer money to fund these wasteful musicals and put that money to good use. Also, we should stop using taxpayer food to eat and taxpayer air to breathe. Feed the homeless, because then they’ll grow jobs from their assholes.”
If you ask Bono, preview shows are Even Better Than The Real Thing.
“This means the show would not be eligible for any Tony Awards this year.”
The cast and crew of all the musicals not about emo superheroes with feminist antagonists and over-the-hill rock star scores just breathed ENORMOUS sighs of relief.
I can’t believe businesses are spending money trying to make money, rather than taking all the money they have and giving it away.
I still wonder if this isn’t some elaborate Springtime for Hitler type ruse.
Giving the homeless the money instead of Taymor’s abortion is just changing which total fuckup has the cash.
Here’s an idea – use the homeless as test actors.
Or test audiences.
*chest bumps Stoney, pulls down LeBron’s shorts*
Or test subjects.
*farts into bicycle horn*
Those actors are a batch of hacks. Having your arial rig fail and plummeting two stories into the audience is no excuse for breaking proscenium.
They should get David Mamet to rewrite it and call it “Spider-man: Turn On the Snark”.
How about Spider-Man: Turn off the Cash Flow and Quit While You’re Ahead?
Imodium: Turn of the Shart
Vince I know you guys need to make money off this super important stuff, but ads with loud audio make it so I can’t go here.
Did any of these yIntaghs stop to think what a killer Robocop statue could have been built for $65 million?
“I think they should have spent the money on a story about a brave hero making the subways safe, and his pet squirrel.”
B. Goetz
On a serious note – who wants to write a Bernie Goetz musical with me. Someone in NY will pay for it.
In Julie Taymor’s Playbill centerfold issue, she lists the following personal trivia …
Turn-off: The Dark
Did not know there was a Tony Award for best use of wirework in a homicide.
I’m with Hammer, Vinky. Accidentally rolling over a Jackass 3 add and having Jonny Knoxcocks start yelling just as I’m talking to a vendor and trying to act like I’m too busy to give a shit about his spiel is… well, kinda awesome but not very professional.
mute as default, folks — the only way to slack.
Test audiences did not like the jazz hands with spider man web blaster silly string.
Firefox + Ad block = win.
“Spring time for Goblin and villainy! Winter for Spidey and Fraaaaance…”
Things this show has going against it:
1. The director has left.
2. The reviews are terrible.
3. It is over budget.
4. The actors are dropping like flies.
5. Glenn Beck thinks it is awesome.
I would rather money be blown on bullshit like this then spent on feeding the homeless to be honest… fuck ‘em.
I’m worried that no one’s more concerned that this is making 1.2 million a week. New Yoakahs, whatta buncha queeahs.