"Dicknose me, Franco. Dicknose me raw."
In addition to his class “Editing James Franco with James Franco” at Columbia College, getting his PhD in English at Yale (but no longer producing a student-run musical), staging real gang fights with Harmony Korine, becoming the next Perez Hilton, screening a 12-hour movie cut from a 90-minute movie, and God knows what else, James Franco has agreed to teach a graduate film course at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, on the subject of adapting poems into short films. Or as I like to call it, “Pixie Dust for the Modern Wood Nymph.”
Franco will start teaching a third-year graduate class on directing at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. A maximum of 12 students will be able to register for the course on adapting poetry into short films.
Oh, you’re only a first-year film student? Sorry, filming naked mens’ flopping penises while they play basketball is limited to upperclassmen. Until you understand shutter speeds and depths of field, you’re just going to waste miles of film stock on blurry dicks, and everyone will laugh at you. And that’s Professor Dicknose to you.
The 32-year-old actor and director is expecting his own MFA in film production from the school in May. “He’s here to teach because he really knows something about directing that he can share with our students,” John Tintori, chair of the graduate film program at Tisch, told the Post. “He’s incredibly prolific, and that comes from a real work ethic – and that’s another thing to impart to our students.” [THR]
Wait, you mean I can spend $46 grand a year to learn a useless skill from one of my classmates while living in the most expensive city in the country? That sounds awesome. They should change the name of this class to “F-ck You, Dad.”
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I attended the Late Show taping yesterday and he was the guest (airs Friday). It was a good interview, Franco seemed mildly annoyed at first because Dave only wants to talk about the Oscar bombing and 127 Hours. Anyway, he said when he’s done getting all of his masters degrees he’s going to get his PHD in English. Doctor Franco. I still feel like this is all a joke on us somehow.
Wait, you mean someone can spend $46 to learn a useless skill from one of my classmates while living in the most cited and fined trailer park in Eastern Iowa? That sounds awesome. They should change the name of this class to “F-ck You, Nancy Reagan, We Are Just Saying Yo!”
Physics for poets! Here there theater fags and english queers!
Hey class whats up, I am James Franco, but am I really, I mean, who is James Franco really? Anyways that is for another time, today we are going to be discussing converting poetry into film. For my example, I would like to show you my most recent magnum opus, very much from the Dogme hyperrealistic school of destructralized human narrative. Now some of you might recognize this piece as a certain “Green Eggs and Ham” but notice how through the use of film we are able to really get to the core of what is, really, a story about all of us.
What’s next? A lighting class with Robert Kincade and a Nacho Cookery class with Ratner?
There once was a dicknose in Paris
Selfcentered like a wheel of Ferris.
Determined to shock
He filmed lots of cock.
As dull as remaking Solaris.
The last good poem-to-film adaptation was “Sex-Starved Fuck Sluts #22: Stinky White Women,” which was of course based on Robert Pinsky’s “Ginza Samba.”
If I had to spend $46 grand to hang out with Franco, I’d ask for some camel raping amputee action. Just saying.
A dickish Parisian nose
Made films, mainly of hose.
The pretentious twat
Blew his own horn a lot.
“School’s in, so take off your clothes.”
A Poem for James…
Alive she smurfed
My Franco stiff within
Smufily I Francod with smurfy intent ’til dawn
Blue man gotta eat, Franco gotta smoke
Smurf you, mother Franco.
Thank you.
For Frankish girls who’ve considered Francicide when Franco is enough.
Franco: The Movie
Starring – James Franco
Director – James Franco
Screenplay – James Franco
Executive Producer – James Franco
Casting – James Franco
Editing – James Franco
Art Direction – James Franco
Catering – James Franco
Chauffeur – James Franco
Assistant to Mr. Franco – James Franco
Fluffer – James Franco
I DARE YOU! To…Give…James…Franco…A SEVEN!
James Franco half-assed a MFA at Columbia, half the time NOT showing up to class and sending his assistant, then graduated a year early, meaning he didn’t do his thesis. But that’s cool because he’s James Franco. Then he got to go to Yale, where he might have received his doctorate, but mocked everyone who actually puts in the full amount of work to get a doctorate. Same at Columbia. The guy isn’t a real scholar. He’s a hot famous idiot with a lot of money, collecting degrees, not actually doing the full work, or getting the full experience. NYU hiring him is no better than Rutgers using $32,000 in student fees to pay for Snooki to come speak at the school.
I never had any classes with Franco at Columbia, nor can I confirm his graduate status, but as far as his thesis is concerned, he did publish a book of short stories, which would’ve been more than sufficient for a thesis requirement in the fiction MFA program.
Whether or not those short stories were as deep and fulfilling as dog turds is another matter.