Meet-Monica-Velour-e

[Check out the obnoxiously non-embeddable video that I wrote a whole post about before they disabled embedding on here.]

In Meet Monica Velour, Sex and the City‘s Kim Cattrall plays a washed-up slimy old dirty trailer-park prostitute like your mother, so this should be right up your alley.  Through a chance encounter, her life becomes entertwined with the awkward dork who’s her biggest fan.  In this clip, we learn that aging porn stars are a lot like salty 20s longshoremen in their steadfast refusal to pronounce G’s and conjugate.  Mmm’yeaaah, see, Kim Cattrall’s gonna give you’s a good talkin’ to, see?  Mm’yeaah.

“It’s not often a guy stands up fa me.  There’s certain things a girl just don’t wanna hear no matta how old she gets.”

“You’re a dream.  It’s like you popped outta the movie to sit on the couch with me.”

“You get a lotta ass talkin’ like that?”

Man, how much better would Sex and the City have been if they’d just talked like this the whole time?  “Hey, sweethaht, wax much?  M’yeah, see, that hairy cooze a yoahs don’t just need a barbershop, it needs the whole quartet, see?  Ha ch-ch-cha cha cha.  You bettah tighten up those gams lickety-split if ya know what’s good for ya.”