C-Pan

Channing Tatum, the hardest twerkin’ man in show bizna$$, is set to star in yet another film incantation of the classic story of Peter Pan. The project, tentatively titled Peter Pan Begins *nudges Chris Nolan, rolls eyes* will be produced by Joe Roth and written by Billy Ray, whose name got that terrible “Are You Jimmy Ray” song stuck in my head. Thanks a lot, jerk.

This is Tatum’s first foray into the fantasy genre, but Roth is no stranger. He seems to be quite the expert at taking old ideas and turning them into new versions that destroy our innocence a little more each day.

Roth produced last year’s billion-dollar grossing adaptation of Alice in Wonderland, is in the casting stages of Oz, the Great and Powerful, which is set up at Disney with James Franco and Mila Kunis starring, and has Snow White and the Huntsman set up at Universal with Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron in the leads.

While no one has made any bids, the Peter Pan package is attractive. (Via Hollywood Reporter)

Added Jenna Dewan, “Attractive, but burnt.”

As always, my good friend C-Tates was more than happy to give us a little insight into his latest project…

Yo girl, check it, member how I told you dat I’m a fly boy, right? Now I’m like all literal cuz I’m Peter Pan, dat fruit boot playboy done climbin’ in yo window like dat Antoine Dodson girl. But check it, I’mma like fly in yo window and sh*t, and be all like, “Yo boo, I be a child, right? But like, I ain’t growin’ up cuz I’m all from Nurrnurr Land, legit.” And dat Wendy chicken gonna be played by some bangin’ sliz wit a booty like a apple. Wait no, my bad, son. Dat’s dat Snow White sh*t. Yo Informer was my mutha f*ckin’ jam, playboy. But yo, ain’t no Julie Roberts playin no Tinkerbell, ya heard? I need a proper fairy, so I’mma call ya boi Nick Cannon. OH SNAP, SON! YOU JUST GOT PETER PLAYED, BEEYOTCH! Fo real tho, respek yo self.

Editor’s Note from Vince: I suggested that C-Tates’ gritty, dong-burnt reimagining of Peter Pan should be known as “MC P. Pan.”  Burnsy adds that the title should be changed from “Peter Pan Begins” to “OPP (Other Peter Pan).”