Arnold-Schwarz-Rio

FilmDrunkard Osky sent me this old video of Arnold Schwarzenegger checking out Carnival in Rio, and mother of God, I’m not sure a video could get much better than this.  That’s him in the banner picture, by the way, using his imaginary hand binoculars to get a better look at a girl’s butt. If you’ve ever seen his “in the gym I am cumming, backstage before a show I am cumming, everywhere I am cumming” speech from Pumping Iron, you know the man can be candid. But in this video, he delivers — while playing himself, mind you — what might be the most incredible line of dialog of his entire career:

“You know something, after watching the mulattoes shake it, I can absolutely understand why Brazil is totally devoted to my favorite body part: the ass.”

That, man… was my governor. (*plays “God Bless America” on Piccolo, streaming patriotic tears*).  I’m glad the submitter told me that the best part comes at the 4:30 – 4:50 mark, because after Arnold proclaimed his love for mulatto ass, made hand binoculars, roughly groped a girl in a thong, and motorboated another girl’s boobs inside the first three minutes, I would’ve assumed it couldn’t get any better. OH, BUT IT DOES. OH MY GOD DOES IT.

[NSFW disclaimer: there's no full-on nudity, but it comes about as close as you can get]

Can you say “FORCED CARROT STICK FELLATIO?”  You can now.  Let this be a lesson to you, guys: sometimes a girl will pretend she doesn’t like it at first, but if you just keep sliding it in and out slowly while talking to her in a smooth voice, eventually she’ll come around.  …Actually, forget I said that.  But there is a fine line between “forced” and “coerced.” A fine, sexy line.

Can someone bring me a bucket?  It seems my face has melted off.

[via FoundFootageFest, who always find the best sh*t.]

Arnold Schwarzenegger-Carrot-bite-rio