Thanks to TheShiznit for creating this masterpiece, the Nic Cage Matrix.
MORNING LINKS
Why The Cape is the best worst show on TV. |Uproxx|
Burnsy ponders, what’s so wrong with being obese? Yeah, Burnsy WOULD wonder that. |UproxxNews|
McBain: The Movie. Stop talking crazy! |WarmingGlow|
Did you know Elijah Wood was in Back to the Future? |TheDailyWhat|
GOALIE FIGHT! |BostonBarstoolSports|
Mila Kunis fisting herself gif. |HolyTaco|
Here’s a grainy sh*tty picture of Captain America’s sidekick that’sbeen going around. |ScreenJunkies|
10 Rappers I Once Swore By |TheSmokingSection|
Blind Guy Drives Car For 1.5 Miles, Avoids Obstacles & Punchlines (Video) |GammaSquad|
Drunk Guy Attacks Pucky The Whale. |WithLeather|
12 things made better with rainbows. |Buzzfeed|
Batman X Star Wars = |Unreality Mag|
Ever wonder why students in the US are behind most other countries in science and math? This explains that. |Fark|
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YOU ARE!
Nic Cage should hit the lucky crack pipe, then look at the the steel wool in it and freak out: “HOW’D IT GET BURNED HOW’D IT GET BURNED!?!?!” Then he looks into the future to see himself lighting it again.
Think “Groundhog Day”, but only the same 75 seconds repeating themselves over and over. Oh, and he can only break out of it by shooting a little girl. A little Romulan girl.
In the Nic Cage Matrix, Agent Smith is played by bees.
and in the Nic Cage Matrix, Keanu Reeves would NEVER be sad.
Morpheus: The Nic Cage Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside a movie theater, you look around, what do you see? Cops, prisoners, Michael Bay explosions(TM), receding hairlines. The very roles of Nic Cage we are trying to save from himself. But until we do, these roles are still a part of that system. You have to understand, Nic Cage is not ready to be unplugged. And he is so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that he will buy Albino cobras to protect it.
its-Mc: That was tight. Qaplah!
I argue that sometimes he is so bad and so insane it becomes brilliant. Wicker Man is my exhibit A.