Charlie Sheen is still doing interviews, and mother of God, it just gets better and better. I don’t even know what to add to this. Let’s just get quickly to the quotes, because this man is on fire. Some of the ordinance dropped to the ground from the F-18 of his brain include:
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’” It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
Charlie is far too humble to come right out and say that he has a magical space brain, but the implication is clear. Duly noted.
“Some are saying that you’re bipolar.”
“Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING.”
Don’t be humble, Charlie. Bi-winning implies he only has two ways to win, when in reality, the methods are infinite. Charlie’s space brain allows him to win infinitely in four dimensions. Oh sorry, I already beat bipolarity 600 years ago and have been partying with hotties and dinosaurs on my yacht. Winning. We murder people. In the infowars.
Tell me about the last time you took drugs.
I probably took more than anyone could survive. I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go.
How do you survive that?
Because I’m me. I’m different. I have a different brain, I have a different heart… I got tiger blood, man.
TIGER’S BLOOD! I ARRIVED HERE ON AN ASTEROID AND WAS NURSED BACK TO HEALTH BY MICHAEL BAY, WHICH GIVES ME SPECIAL DRUG POWERS! I HAVE THE HEART OF A SHARK THAT I REMOVED WITH MY BARE HANDS AND TRANSPLANTED MYSELF!
Dying’s for fools.
Are you worried you’re going to relapse?
No. Not going to, period the end. I blinked and I cured my brain. Can’t is the cancer of happen.
LOSERS ARE THE CANCER OF WINNING! I DESTROY THEM WITH TIGER’S BLOOD MIND CHEMO FROM ANOTHER REALM! MY WINNER CELLS SNORT LOSER CANCER LIKE COCAINE!
“The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, look like droopy-eyed, armless children.”
I wank dismissively in their general direction, shouting, “I bet you wish you could do this you no-armed f*cking losers with your guts hanging out begging for water.” Then I napalm their beach so I can surf there. I literally napalmed Frank Sinatra’s beach to death and surfed on his corpse. WINNING. Ba-bye.
I expose people to magic. I expose them to something they’re never going to see in their otherwise boring lives. And I gave that to them. I may forget about them tomorrow, but they’ll live with that memory for the rest of their lives, and that’s a gift, man.
Can’t… keep up… with Charlie Sheen’s awesomeness…
Oh, look, here’s another, even crazier interview:
AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and adonis DNA.
Come Wednesday morning, they’re gonna name it “Charlie Brothers,” not Warner Brothers, DUH. Winning. And it’s not convincing anybody. It’s like guys, it’s right there. IMDB. 62 movies. A ton of success. I mean, come on bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. Wasn’t even warm.
I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
Just to recap, Charlie Sheen will melt your face, explode your body, is bi-winning, has tiger’s blood and adonis DNA, will be the namesake of Warner Brothers, won best picture at 20 for a movie he didn’t write or produce, makes Mick Jagger look like a droopy-eyed amputee, can cure disease with his brain, and is magic. The things that come out of the man’s mouth… All I can do is write it down. Sheen even took a urine test that came back clean . He talks a big game, but he backs it up. He may go down in history as the Muhammad Ali of coked-up Hollywood A-hole stereotypes.
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I take this to mean that Charlie Sheen won COTW? I can’t wait to see him wearing his FilmDrunk T for his mug shot.
I think we can shut the internet down now. Nothing can possibly top this
If it’s true that you are what you eat, then Charlie Sheen has clearly eaten a huge bowl of awesome.
These quotes are starting to sound suspiciously like the famed FilmDrunk Gary Busey Facts.
Johnny Depp is currently living in Sheen’s basement, doing a character study for this generation’s Fear and Loathing.
I would feel just as awesome if Ducky was my co-star.
Take a look around, everybody. Remember where you were when the Internet hit its peak.
I’ve got nothing. I just can’t add to this. Holy shit he is like a supernova of winning.
Yeah, I’m looking at Charlie Sheen but I’m still hearing Corey Feldman. This ends in a filthy basement with Rick Ducommun and Brother Theodore.
Notable celebrities that smoked 7 gram rocks of “Charlie Sheen”:
-Corey Haim
-Heath Ledger
-Kirk Douglas
-Evan Tanner
-Brittany Murphy
-Nick Nolte
-Charlie Sheen
The real reason that dinosaurs are extinct? They foolishly tried to keep up with Charlie Sheen while partying on his yacht with him.
Charlie Sheen is live right now.
[www.tmz.com]
He’s obviously bipolar and on a manic upswing. I actually believe him when he says he’s not on drugs too, as when you are manic you don’t need drugs. Your brain gets you high naturally.
I’ve been really hating on him the past few days, but now I kind of feel bad for him. It’s kind of exploitative of people in the media to keep giving him interviews when he’s obviously not well, as they are no doubt just doing it for the “rubber necking trainwreck” appeal.
The Mighty Feklahr imagines that Charlie Sheen has a gigantic vault full of cocaine and hookers that he can swim through like Scrooge McDuck. WINNING!
Charlie Sheen’s lucky crack pipe is a elephant-tusk vuvuzela. Bring it!
Yikes Pauly, I could’ve used a rickroll. There goes the afternoon.
He’s channeling Dr. Gene Scott now.
Hail Caesar!
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’” It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh . . . this terrestrial realm.”
In related news, a spokesman for the Church of Scientology was quoted as saying, “Umm, yeah, we don’t know him.”
Surprised Jim Morrison didn’t make Sheen’s list of rock stars that he’s partied harder than. Oh yeah, that’s right. Morrison was a pussy. He OD’ed.
He just said he lived on stale piece of bread for three days. That’s what I call WINNING. I wish it was Alex Jones interviewing him again. In the infowars, of course.
Anybody else get a “Network” vibe out of this?
Yeah, but does he have a cobra snake for a necktie?
Somewhere Chuck Norris is envious.
Someone needs to get Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey in a room with a stack of paper and a box of crayons. The ordinance that would be dropped out that plane would destroy the world and rebuild it into some kind of gnarly gnarlington that we have yet to experience.
Bah. Charlie has a long way to go before he achieves Busey-lightenment. Busey and Nolte are reviewing the tapes and scoffing “Fucking amateur!”
How does Charlie Sheen top this? Easy, From now on his interviews will include a light show and pyrotechnics.
“The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, look like droopy-eyed, armless children.”
I don’t that last one is about Keith Richards. I think he’s actually saying the women he’s with now make Denise Richards look like a droopy-eyed, armless child.
He looks like he just got old fast. Was it the Two and a Half Men crew that was keeping him preserved?
Since the very first interview that unleashed Charlie Sheen’s rambling, I believed he was going through some kind of drug withdrawal and was saying anything to anesthesize himself. I have been through this myself, what he is feeling, and the awful things that are running out of his mouth. Burning bridges, saying the unforgivable, may be part of changing or stopping chemicals. For me it was prescription antidepressants and stopping xanax without permission. The only difference is this guy has family and money and friends. Also he is not apologizing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also had some mild form of tourettes. It is so wrong for him to be quoted or even ask him for permission to air some of the footage if it was off the record. They are taking advantage of someone during a meltdown, though he won’t ever admit it probably. None of the things he said should have ever been made public. NONE! Vultures! Ratings! Now he can’t back up and anyone offended by his comments that he was once close to were hurt not because of Charlie Sheen, but because he was interviewed when he shouldn’t have been.