Tom Cruise

Back in November, angelic unicorn whisperer Anne Hathaway hosted Saturday Night Live and the result was an episode that wasn’t necessarily terrible. And while I can sit here and break off into a 10,000-word rant about how terrible Jim Carrey’s recent hosting gig was, I won’t, because Vince won’t reach around if I do. What I can tell you is how Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are allegedly boycotting the Academy Awards because of Hathaway’s impression of Holmes from that episode.

Hathaway, who is as pure as a golden retriever’s smile, is hosting the Oscars alongside Filmdrunk favorite James Franco, so this news comes as a blow to the zero people who care about TomKat. As for the sketch and impression in question, for once I actually looked at Anne and thought, “Hey, she’s more than just an amazing rack and oddly pale hotness.” But Cruise and Holmes took the harmless impression as an insult and now they’re calling off their trip to the Oscars because they’re both terrible actors and will never be nominated for crap and would probably be left out of the “In Memoriam” montage at this point in their careers offended.

Jump on my couch, All Headline News…

A source told the Daily mail, “Tom and Katie don’t want to cross paths with Anne. They used to be friends and took Anne to a Tina Turner concert in 2008 when Anne split up from her boyfriend Raffaello Follieri.”

“Katie feels they were really supportive at a difficult time so she feels let down that Anne took to national TV to make fun of her.”

“Anne didn’t even warn her it was going to be on TV.”

The source added, “The whole thing has left a sour taste with Tom.”

Are you sure it wasn’t a bitter, salty taste?

Whatever, I’m sure the MTV Movie Awards will invite Tom as the winner of best actor for Knight and Day. He totally deserves it and thank Buddha there’s an award show that still gets it.