Sony announced today that Frank Coraci (The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Click) has been hired to direct the Kevin James MMA movie (“Mixed Martial Farts?” “Paul Blart: Mall Cro Cop?”). I guess it could be worse, they could’ve gotten the guy from I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. Anyway, I doubt either of these “directors” does more than set up lights and head down to craft services while Sandler shoots the movie.
Deadline revealed the film when it first took shape last fall, with James playing a physics teacher who moonlights as a mixed martial arts fighter to raise money and save the music program his students love. He makes it all the way to the UFC. Sony was eager to be back in business with James after Paul Blart: Mall Cop turned into a sleeper hit, and Coraci’s The Zookeeper tested so high that Sony slotted the film for released on July 8, 2011.
So basically, Sony took a script by Allan Loeb, the worst screenwriter in Hollywood, based on an MMA-saves-the-rec-center idea I came up with in five seconds while making fun of Never Back Down three years ago, and THEY CAN’T GET IT INTO THEATERS FAST ENOUGH! MORE COCAINE! I imagine this will do for the UFC what Hulk Hogan’s Santa With Muscles did for the WWE.
If Kevin James doesn’t win at least one of his fights by farts and/or groin shots, everything I know about the world is wrong. “Winner by tap out due to… farts?”
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“Hey guys, I call this the kumquat kamura!”
*squirts fruit juice in eyes, yanks on arm*
“Now, who wants to see the ‘Chili-tine Choke’?”
*jacks off in Wendy’s drive thru*
Should’ve made him a sumo wrestler. That way, they could also make fun of those whacky foreigners.
Man, Vince Vaughan went serious method for the role of Fedor didn’t he?
And the only sponsor he can get is the Moonlight Wedding Chapel, who drops him after their heart logo he wears on the back of his shorts rips in two during an early embarrassing loss.
Want to know how to know your movie’s going to suck? When you write the plot around the sight gags.
Wait, he’s a teacher? That means there’ll also be the inevitable scene where he leans over to write on the chalkboard and farts loudly.
If there isn’t a point where James tries to posture up from the other guy’s gaurd and rips his fight shorts down the middle, exposing heart-print boxers, I will punch myself Kevin James in the nuts.
*Kevin James orders 10 Taco Bell Big Boxes*
“Say goodnight!”
myself
/damn html
“Winner by tap out due to… farts?”
I think the technical term is omo flata.
The chain is missing between Fedor’s ice-cream nunchucks.
When training for an MMA fight Kevin James is more worried about loose bowels than loose ligaments
Finally, the world will have the answer to that eternal question: What would it look like if Jack Black had filmed School of Rock and Nacho Libre as a single movie?
The first rule of Fight Club is you have to bring me a burrito to get in.
Oh shit, and he’s a physic’s teacher? So you know there’s going to be a scene where there’s all sorts of geometry and equations written on the screen to explain how such a tubby fuck can beat an idiot meathead.
That hat that Kimbo is wearing should have an ad for condomdepot.com on it.
Fight Club is the name of the sandwich KJ has before every match. Lots of hot sauce but hold the hilarity, it doesn’t give him gas.
Kevin James: “My enemy is my…inner me. The air in my inner me is my enemy. Enemy is air in me.”
*Farts* *Looks right at camera* *Eyes widen*
FLAWLESS VICTORY
Fedor eating ice cream in a jailhouse shower while watching Kevin James wash Kimbo Slice’s back…
“You scream!! I scream!! We all scream for Ice Cream!!… and bleeding anal rape!”.
Ah, one of those movies where an idiotic slob gets in over his head doing something stupid to help a group of innocent children, which is supposed to make it less stupid and more heartwarming! Awwwww. How sweet! How totally, already done 12,000 times!