"Nice Mac, f*ggot."
(*drifts up in Smart Car, commando rolls up to curb*) 5 Fast 5 Furious hits theaters in April 11th, so I hope you’re ready, Playboy! But do you think the producers are waiting until then to start talking sequel? OH HELL NAW! WE LIVE LIFE A QUARTER MILE AT A TIME! (*snorts line, puts baseball cards in spokes*)
HIT THE N0S, COLLIDER!
[Says producer Neil Moritz] “In Vin and my mind we already know what the sixth movie is, we’ve already been talking about it. Vin and I have had numerous conversations about what that might be. And we’re starting to get serious about it right now. We just finished the movie like 4 or 5 weeks ago and we just needed a break, and now we’re gonna start focusing on that.”
And if 6 Fast 6 Furious doesn’t grease your gear shift, there’s also talk of a spinoff franchise starring The Rock’s character.
Finally, when I spoke to Dwayne Johnson earlier this year, he told me that the goal was to branch off his character into his own movie. I asked if Moritz had already started getting a script together: “No we have not started, but we are about to.”
Wait, didn’t The Rock’s character just show up? That’d be like a Jersey Shore spinoff starring Dina (which would be preposterous, I don’t think I have to tell you). Oh well. I’m into it if they can get Parkour Dog.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Andrew-Garfield-Spider-Man-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/TheROck-underarmour-fast6_2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/trailer-for-the-300-rise-of-the-unnecessary-sequel-or-whatever-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Michael-Bay-Bike-crash-150x150.gif)
*injects steroids into dick, mounts rhinoceros*
I just don’t want to live anymore.
How does this stuff continue to get made? It has to be laced with something. Vin Diesel is White ‘Tard Heroine.
The working title for the spin-off film is “Never Going to Happen.” Co-starring Halle Berry as Jinx.
I am not believe this franchise is become more ridiculous
If they didn’t kepe this franchise going, Tyrese would be earning his coffee money a Quarter at a time.
“In Vin and my mind we already know what the sixth movie is, we’ve already been talking about it.”
“Not that we actually need to TALK about it … we totally share a mind. It’s like we’re each other’s unborn conjoined twins or something. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, the sixth movie. It’s gonna be a real pile of shit.”
*incoming transmission*
Guy’cha! Who in Kahless’ Krusty Kumsock is ‘Tyrese’?
*end transmission*
Ok, that vid after the jump just blew my mind. Seriously, film it in black-and-white (and have the girl get nude) and it’s a german film school thesis. “You zee, ze baby chicks represent ze reprezzion of our deepa zexual dezires, while zee pitbull in an Avatar mask evokes ze role of government in dictating our zocial mores.”
[Reads post title. Goes back to trimming pubes with hole punch.]
Set decorator: “Who the fuck is this?”
Idiot lackey: “Tyrese!”
Set decorator: “Tyrese? I fucking asked you to get TYRES!” **
(** yes, that is how we spell it in the Queene’s Englishe)
Wow, I totally attached the wrong video.
I can’t wait to go home and look at Marge’s blue pubes.
ɷ===> Fast ɷ===> Furious will be the gay porno spinoff.
The hexaquel will be entitled: “Going 6ast, For 6rious, Bro”. Don’t let that fool you though, they’re taking this one in a different direction: 90 minutes of super slo-motion color drained footage of Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel frotting in backseat of a Plymouth Duster. Soundtrack by Tangerine Dream.
I’m looking forward to the Fast and the inevitable Furious/XXX crossover. They can attach snowboard to the cars and throw them out of planes and I’ll work on getting everyone to buy tickets sterilized.