Voice of the movies Don LaFontaine died back in 2008 (and was then snubbed at the Academy’s In Memoriam, but that’s another story), and movie trailers haven’t been the same without his husky baritone. There other movie voiceover guys, but they’re basically the Candlebox to his Vedder.
Well look no further for his replacement because I think we’ve found him. The Columbus Dispatch recently found this homeless guy on the side of the road (that’s like 80% of the job for rust-belt journalists), and it turns out, he’s got a voice as beautiful as Susan Boyle and twice the f*ckability. Also, his name is Ted Williams. Seriously, watch this, it’s incredible.
Ted Williams here could definitely use a job in voice over, so let’s make that happen. In the meantime, I think it’d be just as fun to hear him use that voice on the more traditional hobo phrases from my neighborhood. “10 o’clock, top of the hour, Ted Williams here on your morning drive. This just in: a squirrel told me you’re the antichrist. And coming up, we’ve got traffic, weather, and the aliens who crapped my pants while I was sleeping. So keep it locked to 98.3, Banjo, Heidi, and the Beav.”
[thanks to Burnsy and Dom for the tip]
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“a squirrel told me your the antichrist,”
That’s what I hate about hobos, always using the wrong homonym when speaking.
This bum is taking his talents to South Beach.
Tina Turner has some pipes, no doubt.
I’m just impressed you managed to log in and comment in the 45 seconds between the time it took me to proofread my own post and correct the grammar errors.
He’s got a face for Radio though.
Not the short-wavelength form of communication, the retard played by Cuba Gooding Jr.
I thought Teddy Ballgame’s head was in a bucket in some cryo-lab in Arizona?
That’s the magic of IE 7, Vince.
Dang! They really needed to put Ted’s head on ice. Nice to see they found it though.
If I give him a sandwich, will he stand there while I have sex and do color commentary?
Aaaaand I’m beat to the punch by some Dingus.
Proofread, eh? I might look into that.
@Homo
(*Bows – Pulls pants down*)
That’s great. But can he read?
Excellent story, excellent find but he has the wrong skill set. He looks too small and weak to kill my wife.
I think we found the escapee from a Morning Zoo.
Vince Vega: So you’re gonna be a bum.
Jules Hobo: No. I’m going to go out into the world and do incredible voiceovers. Like Cain in Kung Fu.
VV: No Jules, you’re going to be a bum. Without a home, a job, or legal tender, that makes you a bum.
JH: Just because you can’t believe that the world needs me to walk the earth and give expository dialogue to the goings on that I see, speak with eloquence to an invisible audience, and generally disturb all those around me, doesn’t make me a bum.
VV: We’ll continue this later. I gotta take a shit.
JH: NOT IN MY PANTS YOU SONOVABITCH!!
Wolfman’s got card.
15th caller gets the corndog I stole from a dumpster rat. And now, an update from our traffic helicopter. *helicopters dick at traffic*
So, uh…no one has noticed that this man looks like President Obama? I mean…holy shit.
Don’t you try add steele my shitick Burnsy you qwat!
This guy seems to use the royal “we” a lot. Quit puttin on airs, Boo Radley.
/Ted and Busey share an agent. And a dentist.
Drugs, alcohol *and other things*? You need to be more specific yo.
Looks like the offspring of Sammy Davis Jr. and the guy that played Nick on Family Ties.
Look at that chin- I see more John Kerry than Obama.
But does he know what a frotcast is?
Why is this narrated by a gay Kenny Powers?
He is exactly what I picture Armand White Hammond to look like.
In my experience you do not want to see a hobo’s God-given gift.
That warmed my heart…
*bursts into crack den
…AND WE’RE BAAAAACK
He looks like he escaped from The Island. And Don Imus WANTS THAT FUCKING KIDNEY!
When reached for comment, Mr. Scream said “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Ted Williams walks in to a bar, the bartender says “Why the long face?”
Then the bartender says “get the fuck out, bathroom’s for payin’ customers only.”
I’m just impressed you managed to log in and comment in the 45 seconds between the time it took me to proofread my own post and correct the grammar errors.
The Mighty Feklahr will try harder next time, master! We swears! We swears on the preciousss! *caresses Four Loko*
“Watch the Hobo Play Doh Factory, live in 10 seconds from this very alley!”
*turns milk crate upside down, sits down, and takes a shit through it*
I can see this guy on Conan.
Not announcing on the show, I mean actually raping Conan O’Brien.
Get this man a job Hollytards and make your very own American Splendor.
For this guy Home/Box/Office means something quite different than it does to you or I.
Will Smiff will portray him in his biopic, The Pursuit of Yappyness.
Look, all I want to know is can he give me the morning traffic news and blow me at the same time?
His comebacks for when someone throws a cigar butt out the window towards him when he approaches are truly fascinating.
To not hire this guy would be stupid, he’ll work for cigarette butts and a few empty soda cans.
First 20 callers each receive a pair of sweatpants I’m currently wearing
And now we check in with our Z100 Mobile Mystery shopping cart stacked with worthless wooden paletts for a traffic report:
“Well Jimmy it seems some cracked out clueless asshole is really jamming up traffic with an overstuffed shopping cart he’s trying to shove along through a snowy street while also screaming into a Fisher Price wallkie talkie GAHHHvernment ninja tossin fiery rhino shit at my Mona Lisa sketch save us Emilio Estevez! Emiliooooo!”
Good report Phil seems like it’s another tame day out there as usual. Now we check in with a piss stain on my snuggie resembling the blessed virgin Mary for the sports report. Miraculous piss stain, any news on Marvin Lewis’ contract extension?
Opie from Opie and Anthony just posted on the Youtube hoping to hire the guy. Good for him.
[quote]This is Opie from the Opie and Anthony show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio. I want to hire this guy to be the voice of my channel! How do I get a hold of him? Thanks![/quote]
Get thee to a dentist!
When Lindsay Lohan finally does her porno, she should be blowing this guy while he reads sports scores…. the Internet demands it!! This guy’s bass now belong to us.
And Boooooooooooooom goes the dynamite!
I thought he was wearing a Halloween mask at first. He looks like he dug up Patrick Swayze, cut his face off, put it in a tanning bed for a week and stole Gary Busey’s best pair of false teeth.
Here’s another hobo with a golden radio voice!!!
[www.youtube.com]