Banksy Is Willing To Accept His Oscar
The Deschaneliest Morning Links

Everything Will Be Made Into A Porn

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.27.11
‹ Prev
Next ›
Use your ← → keys to navigate

"Kneel before Zod... seriously, kneel before we have to pay the fluffer for another hour."

"Kneel before Zod... seriously, kneel before we have to pay the fluffer for another hour."

Between Hustler, Vivid, New Sensations and Pauly’s Lusty Lowriders Productions, there’s not a porn company on the planet that isn’t capitalizing on the public’s literal and figurative boner for porn parodies over the past few years. The LA Times noticed this recently and visited the set of Vivid’s latest SuperXXXHeroes production, The Incredible Hulk XXX: A Porn Parody, starring Lee Stone and Dale DaBone, to discuss this fad, as well as Superman XXX, which will be released all over our faces and chests on Monday.

Vivid’s Batman XXX was recognized at this month’s AVN Awards with 7 awards, including Best Parody. But it was also praised for being the top-selling and most rented adult film of 2010, as millions of porn enthusiasts celebrated their favorite masked crime fighter by ruining their favorite socks. Additionally, Vince's favorite actor Evan Stone played the Riddler and was named Male Performer of the Year.

So what sets the Vivid line apart from the others, director B. Skow?

“There’s been lots of superhero parodies from other companies, but they always end up just parodying the character. I’m remaking [the ‘Hulk’ TV pilot] almost exactly, but with sex,” says the film’s director, B. Skow. “Instead of making it a joke, I’m trying to keep the drama of it.”

And nothing preserves drama like watching two girls double team the Hulk while he screams, “HULK! SAY! NO! TEETH!”

After Superman and the Hulk, Vivid will soon tackle Captain America, Spider-Man, Thor and Wonder Woman, which should have been the first in line based on the general male perversion over that costume. Vivid also plans to create the original characters Spread Eagle and High Beams, which will hopefully be accidentally played at many child birthday parties.

After the jump, I’ve put together a little collection of the porn industry's latest contributions to the parody game. While they’re just trailers and feature no nudity, heads up for language. I wonder if these porn stars kiss their fathers with these mouths. Well, I know Bree Olson does.

(I actually watched this, partially because I was curious about production value and what goes into these parody films, but also because I want to rescue Tori Black from this life and make her an honest woman. An honest woman who puts the Metrodome’s roof to shame, of course. Needless to say, DaBone’s quote in the LA Times article about really impressing someone? Don’t hold your breath, buddy.)

(If anybody ever wonders why I hate Evan Stone so much, it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s paid to have sex with some girls who are pretty hot and some girls who aren’t and all girls who make their fathers die early. It’s because… well just watch this clip. And for good measure, check out his performance as the Riddler in Batman XXX. Then you’ll understand.)

(At least this one changed the name in the main vein of the classic parodies. If you’re going to have fun with classics, why not go over the top?)

Begin Slide Show ›
TAGS: , , , , , , , ,
View Single Page
Pin It
submit to reddit
Share on Tumblr

[avatar]
Profile
60 comments
Ashley Burns posted

"Everything Will Be Made Into A Porn"

  1. 01.27.11 at 3:50 pm
    Mick

    Still waiting on This Ain’t Philadelphia XXX.

    /recycles old comments, rewatches Batman

  2. 01.27.11 at 3:53 pm
    martin

    I HIGHLY recommend Edward Penishands. No joke. Funniest movie I’ve ever seen.

  3. 01.27.11 at 3:57 pm
    Crapbasket

    The German porn parody, Shitinhers Lips sent people scattering.

  4. 01.27.11 at 3:58 pm
    Patty Boots

    Rule 34 ain’t just for the internet anymore.

  5. 01.27.11 at 3:59 pm
    Crapbasket

    Piledriving Ms. Daisey? Been done?

  6. 01.27.11 at 4:00 pm
    Burnsy

    I love you, Crappy.

  7. 01.27.11 at 4:01 pm
    Larry

    Yeah, “accidentally” played at child birthday parties.

    /I had to ruin that sock in order to save it

  8. 01.27.11 at 4:03 pm
    Larry

    My Super XXX Girlfriend couldn’t be worse than My Super Ex-Girlfriend. And yes, Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson are totally available.

  9. 01.27.11 at 4:04 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Don’t tell me there’s not an xXx XXX in the works.

  10. 01.27.11 at 4:04 pm
    Larry

    In Fantastic Fourplay they show a girl laying on a bed and claim that the invisible lady is going down on her. Thrifty!

    /XXX Men: Fist Ass is all you, Vince.

  11. 01.27.11 at 4:04 pm
    Crapbasket

    Butch Kassidy and the Cumdance Jig, starring Chyna and Brian Pumper.

  12. 01.27.11 at 4:05 pm
    Larry

    @Ace–Spike Lee is directing it after Malcolm XXX.

    /be thankful it’s not a Tyler Perry joint

  13. 01.27.11 at 4:05 pm
    Mick

    xXx XXX: State of the Hymen

  14. 01.27.11 at 4:06 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    For some reason, the sales of This Ain’t Big were mediocre at best.

  15. 01.27.11 at 4:08 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    ick, is that xXx II XXX?

  16. 01.27.11 at 4:09 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    I liked the way This Ain’t The Last Temptation of the Christ left a door open for a sequel.

  17. 01.27.11 at 4:11 pm
    Donkey Hodey

    I can’t wait until the Iron Man XXX where Vince bitches about not being able to enjoy it because one scene has an American flag condom referenced in the background for the upcoming Captain America XXX.

  18. 01.27.11 at 4:11 pm
    Mick

    ceRi, I believe so, yes. Vin Diesel’s work simply doesn’t lend itself to porn parodies, unfortunately.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to tug myself fast and furiously.

  19. 01.27.11 at 4:14 pm
    Donkey Hodey

    They should do an Inception XXX that’s really a porn parody of ‘Debbie Does Dallas’

    BRAAAAAAAAAAHM

  20. 01.27.11 at 4:14 pm
    Mick

    Fun fact: Vin Diesel wrote, directed, and starred in Multi-Facial.

  21. 01.27.11 at 4:16 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    CoCC fapped like a Klan possessed filed a complaint with the Advertising Standards Authority over This Ain’t For Coloured Girls.

  22. 01.27.11 at 4:17 pm
    Moose

    Sleeve It to Beaver will be the first fetish themed movie to take a jab at classic tv.

  23. 01.27.11 at 4:23 pm
    Donkey Hodey

    I can’t wait for ‘Aquaman XXX’

    -Hey man, why do you keep talking into my vagina?

    Sorry miss, but I thought I smelled an old friend in there.

  24. 01.27.11 at 4:23 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Sidenote: Looking up a half-forgotten title (Tugboat Annie) on imdb, I was delighted to learn of a Tweety Bird and Sylvester spoof called Tugboat Granny. The fetish porn, it writes itself.

  25. 01.27.11 at 4:32 pm
    Crapbasket

    Sleeping? Beauty! A roofie rhapsody.

    Obviously a Bob and Doug Mckenzie production.

  26. 01.27.11 at 4:37 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    I starred in our school play, Butch Janitor and the Cumstained Kid. We had to do a lot of dress rehearsals.

  27. 01.27.11 at 4:40 pm
    Erswi

    I take it nobody’s forming a line to see This Ain’t The Atom XXX.

  28. 01.27.11 at 4:42 pm
    Crapbasket

    Ms. Dick Pizza

  29. 01.27.11 at 4:42 pm
    Shop 101

    Enter Through the Gift Shop might appeal to some tastes. I’ve got a big, steaming gift for that Banksy.

  30. 01.27.11 at 4:43 pm
    Crapbasket

    Poonfire on the Veinies

  31. 01.27.11 at 4:43 pm
    Mick

    Anyone know when This Ain’s Nell comes out on VHS?

  32. 01.27.11 at 4:44 pm
    Mick

    *t

    Fuck it.

  33. 01.27.11 at 4:47 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the gay orgy romp A Few Good Men XXX but found it had nothing on the sheer balls-to-the-wall action flick Trading Gay Jizz.

  34. 01.27.11 at 4:48 pm
    Morton Salt

    I won’t bother to check if she’s of legal age or not, but I’m willing to bet the script for Hannah Mounts Anna is at least written, if not in production.

  35. 01.27.11 at 4:48 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    (Not to be confused with bukkake sensation Glazing Faces.)

  36. 01.27.11 at 5:00 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Completely meta:

    I note that Partner Post-ads are back. Whatevs, they’re still nowhere near as tit-achingly annoying as slide shows, and those plaid shirts don’t pay for themselves.

    But I’m intrigued: Do you think they added the typo’s on purpose to make the ad copy seem more authentic and bloggy?

  37. 01.27.11 at 5:15 pm
    Donkey Hodey

    Trust me, you don’t want to see the German porn remake of ‘True Grit’.

  38. 01.27.11 at 5:15 pm
    spazmodic

    Ace, what did you think of I Like to Watchmen? I thought the lack of tentacle-porn at the end was a real anti-climax.

    Illiterally.

  39. 01.27.11 at 5:16 pm
    Donkey Hodey

    If they’re going to start doing TV shows too, then they lost out on their chance for an awesome ‘Veggie Tales XXX’ when they let Terry Schiavo slip under.

  40. 01.27.11 at 5:25 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    True, spaz, that was a bummer, but in that vein, I thought the enormous blue dong* tied the whole thing together nicely.

    *Heh, The Watchmen ended with a bit of a Blue Man Group, amirite?

  41. 01.27.11 at 5:26 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    (Spoiler alert: Irong.)

  42. 01.27.11 at 5:32 pm
    Crapbasket

    Peanuts: A Porn Prody will be the new TwoGirlsOneCup.com.

  43. 01.27.11 at 5:33 pm
    Crapbasket

    Urine Cowboy

  44. 01.27.11 at 5:38 pm
    Crapbasket

    Since Upproxx(xxxxx!!!!) has been fucking with me all day I’ll just toss these into one pile;

    Scary Kootie
    A Pox of Dick Wow
    Joe vs the Volcan Blow
    Win Herbs Bone
    127 Whores
    Alvin and his Chin Bumps
    Guess Who’s Cumming at Dinner
    Bridget Jones’ Mamaries
    Greasy A
    …etc, etc

  45. 01.27.11 at 5:39 pm
    shanedugg2000

    Forrest Hump: Stupid is as.. Swallow My Cum

  46. 01.27.11 at 5:41 pm
    Erswi

    The German produced This Ain’t The Wire XXX is a top notch scheeeeeeeisse porn.

  47. 01.27.11 at 5:42 pm
    openwideforchunky

    Da Pork to Lips Now had a better ending than the original.

  48. 01.27.11 at 5:43 pm
    spazmodic

    This Ain’t Uproxx XXX is actually a blog-site with no ads, quick-loading pages and free porn for all.

  49. 01.27.11 at 5:46 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Truth be told, sometimes it’s the ads that provide the most interesting reading. The Google Ads at the top of the page is trying to interest me in a ‘Personal Security Remover’ to ‘Detect and Remove Personal Security’. Sounds good!

  50. 01.27.11 at 5:51 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    This Ain’t What Tyler Durden Would Do features beautifully-lit scenes of gentle lovemaking set to a soft jazz score.

  51. 01.27.11 at 5:51 pm
    The Reverend Skeleton

    How about “Superman”?

    (I’ve never been very good at this kind of thing.)

  52. 01.27.11 at 5:55 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Pagina XXX is like this.

    (NERDS! SLAM POETRY! SLAM NERD PORNERY!)

  53. 01.27.11 at 6:01 pm
    Moose

    The Poonies follows a group of horny youngsters and their search for One Eyed Willie’s massive lode. Starring Evan Stone as Sloth.

  54. 01.27.11 at 6:08 pm
    Ace Rimmer

    Mature scat porn enthusiasts everywhere greeted In Depends Day with a grunt and a warm welcome to Earff.

  55. 01.27.11 at 6:09 pm
    Michelle07

    Everyone will watch the Watchmen do it.

  56. 01.27.11 at 6:09 pm
    spazmodic

    This Ain’t Green Lantern XXX is about an anthropomorphic torch-shaped sex toy. And it’s pink.

  57. 01.27.11 at 6:14 pm
    spazmodic

    Thith Ain’t Thor … But You Will Be. Starring Nick Ring.

  58. 01.27.11 at 11:58 pm
    The White Beaner

    Movie parodies are getting old. They need to move on to video games.

    First up is Brian Pumper’s “Call of Booty: Black C*cks”

  59. 01.28.11 at 9:04 am
    LaFavre

    There’s a new gay porn movie coming out called, “Doing John Malkovich.”

  60. 01.28.11 at 11:50 am
    Spambot

    *Watches A-Team porn parody trailer, smokes cigar.*

    I love it when a plan cums together.

Comment on this post:

Sign Up

Follow Us