Despite the fact that Transformers is the only toy movie that has come out and been a success, Hollywood is still going full steam ahead on this idea that toys or board games can be movies. (See also: Candyland, Monopoly, Oujia Board, Battleship, Bazooka Joe, View-Master, Stretch Armstrong, etc., etc.). I think this trend was something cooked up by the magic 8-ball, and I don’t mean the Magic 8-Ball toy they’re planning to turn into a movie.
The latest sign of the apocalypse is that Wham-O has signed with talent agency ICM. And still, your slutty sister toils in obscurity. It doesn’t seem fair.
Wham-O is the company that initially rode toy fads to success, introducing playthings such as the Frisbee, Hula Hoops and Super Ball to America in the buoyant 1950s and 1960s.
ICM will now look to package Wham-O’s unique products for movies, television, music and online content in the same vein as it did with Atari. So far, the agency has guided three Atari properties into the film realm: Asteroids at Universal, Rollercoaster Tycoon with Sony Pictures Animation and Missile Command at 20th Century Fox.
Equally as interesting are the toys and games that Wham-O developed but that never took off, such as a do-it-yourself bomb shelter (created during the time when backyard bomb shelters where de rigeur) and the “instant fish” idea that consisted of selling mud with eggs from a unique species of African fish (they wouldn’t mate in America). [THR]
Meanwhile, FilmDrunk was able to obtain this EXCLUSIVE copy of the treatment for HULA HOOP: THE MOVIE.
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Happy Fun Ball or GTFO.
And just a few hours earlier I rejected making a joke about Paul Newman starring in a Hudsucker sequel being more probable than Reid in Lebowski 2 because I deemed it too obscure.
A movie full of children gyrating their hips? Sounds good to me.
The agency is changing its name to ICBM, because that’s what the agents say whenever a new script is placed in front of them.
Gabourey Sidibe will star in the hula hoop movie, which is going to be called Belt.
*begins writing script for Ant Farm: The Musical!*
The Mighty Feklahr thinks Lince just makes this shit up to fuck with our minds. If this Klingon ever REALLY thought there would be a hula hoop movie, He would have to commit suicide in a lonely place with his Chicago bears teddy bear, Brian Grrrlacher.
I’m still waiting for a Log spin-off of Ren & Stimpy.
HULA HOOPS is gonna be better because Bill Paxton is gonna be in it.
The “Rollercoaster Tycoon: The Movie” brainstorming session:
Writer 1: Okay, so do we want to Jurassic Park this and make everything at a guy’s new theme park go wrong?
Writer 2: We could get Tim Allen as the befuddled theme park manager. Maybe throw in a government inspector who could be his love interest.
Writer 1: Is there a dog who reacts in human ways to things?
Writer 2: You better believe it.
Writer 1: Okay, but let’s have a family of fat people at the park too. I see Kevin James and that chick from Gilmore Girls.
Writer 2: We are gonna be SOOOO rich.
Writer 1: You know it. Up top.
Please, oh please let this be a movie about an anorexic tire named Roberta.
I thought about it for a while, but my own endearing brand of vile racism had nothing to say about this post. Let’s face it, Wham-O™ is just too ‘white bread-suburban-1950s America’ for me to taunt along racial or ethnic lines. If anything, I commend Wham-O™ for becoming a potent symbol of a racially segregated youth in the days of old.
Dreamworks Presents: Cup-and-Ball
I can’t wait for the sequel,”Frisbee”.
The Buoyant 50′s and 60′s? Because shit floats?
People who look at antiquated pieces of crap like this and get nostalgic need to be sent back there so that they can miss their cell phones, cable tv, and can peek out the window in hopes of getting a glimpse of a girl’s knee. The same old buzzards who long for hula hoops and frisbees aren’t out playing with one; they’re in their dens on the internet whacking off to videos of japanese girls dressed like sailor moon dropping their asses into custard pies while deep-throating a sausage.
God I love this century.
Patrons paying admission for this “movie” will receive complimentary orthopedic donuts. You know, for their assholes.
When my parents tell me about the good ol’ days in the 50′s and 60′s, they won’t stop talking about how buoyant the times were.
Isn’t there rule about using “package,” “vein,” and “Wham” in a sentence without mentioning “public restroom?”
My pitch for a toy movie. Hippity Hop: Bounding for Justice
Pure. F’n. Genius.
I got the idea after your mom stayed over last night.
I’ll be really stoked if they make a Jarts movie, because then they’d have to start selling those wonderful pieces of mayhem again.