Director Christopher Nolan has officially put an end to our nerdy loin punishments by announcing that Tom Hardy will play the villain Bane in the third and presumably final Nolan-directed Batman installment, The Dark Knight Rises. And that is all the news there is involving this film today… tee hee… oh who am I kidding? ANNE HATHAWAY IS CATWOMAN!!!
*tears up restraining order, rips off ankle tracking bracelet, jumps out window*
Take it away, Empire Online…
“I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story,” said director Christopher Nolan in a press release.
“I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.”
Nolan didn’t divulge any plot details, but if he’s as brilliant as me it will involve Bane and Christian Bale’s Batman doing a lot of high-fiving as Hathaway pillow fights with Harley Quinn, played by just about any living female with a pulse. And I’m sure the nerd brigade is gonna come crash down the gates around my heart and tell me that Anne is a terrible choice, but blah blah blah, I love you Chris Nolan.
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OH YES PLZ, KLINGON EMPIRE WILL ORDER ELEVENTY.
I’m sure the nerd brigade is gonna come crash down the gates around my heart and tell me that Anne is a terrible choice
Lince, they will have to get through Fekky and the armada first!
*carefully arranges large selection of king-size vibrators and fleet of Lego Tie-Fighters/X-Wings around an apartment in San Francisco that reeks of Four Loko and shame*
DOR SHO GHA! Read the byline, Klingy.
Eh… I would have liked Hugo Strange
GAH SOQ’BE! Well, Bruns, you are going to have to settle for a batleth letter opener and several Gundam Wing models (of varying difficulty levels).
[Explosively exits Al’s armada drawer]
Who will play her not so well known side kick, Pussy female.
I would’ve preferred Marion Cotillard as catwoman but Anne does have awesome tits, so this is good news
Also, I am really not sure if I am actually not gayer for Tom Hardy being cast as Bane than Hathaway as Catwoman. If they consult the source material as carefully as they have for the other two Nolan Batmovies, Hardy has a legit chance of making this rendition of Bane stand on it’s own (even in the shadow of Ledger’s penultimate performance as The Joker).
on the other hand, Bane? BANEE? doesn’t he kind of suck? well I hope this bane is better than the one in Batman & Robin
ROFLKOTAL! Won’t Lince be surprised when he gets home?
In a drastic tonal departure from Nolan’s previous entries, Catwoman and Poison Ivy (Kate Hudson, with CGI de-aging) race to the Bat-altar to see who can get Bat-married first!
I’ve been a fan of Hathaway ever since she started showing her tits to strangers.
Fans can complain all they want; Anne is still vastly superior to Katie Holmes.
And, honestly, I’ll be interested to see this. Plenty of people had a knee-jerk negative reaction to Ledger as Joker, and that turned out awesome.
There was something about Bane actually being a very intelligent villain, and while I also would have liked the Hugo Strange idea… Havoc was a great movie.
@Dingus, I would even go so far as to say that without Hathaway’s cans, Brokeback Mountain would not have been a commercial success.
PROVE ME WRONG
Nolan obviously hired her because
she digs analshe’s easily fooled by millionaires with secret identities.Very, very Lee Merriwether, not so Eartha Kitt.
Me and Tyler Perry are gonna’ jaw on this when we
swap molestation storiescrossdressgo cosplaying this weekend.To get back at TomKat complaining about her SNL sketch Anne Hathaway will play Katie Holmes playing Catwoman
Bane in the comics was teh tits! The whole Knightfall saga was great. And Hathaway as Catwoman is great news. Catwoman needed universal sex appeal, and I think Anne Hathaway’s got it over the other possible candidates (Biel is a bit to masculine, Knightley way too thin, Cotillard too Gollum-esque).
Bex-Don’t get me wrong, DC shit Bane straight into a hole after his initial story arc, but there is enough good material from the early goings (particularly Bane’s time in prison and subsequent escape) that could be incredibly exciting in Nolan’s and Hardy’s hands.
If they make him even half as cerebral as Chuck Dixon (one of my all time fave comic writers) penned him, we could be in for a real treat.
Thanks Fek, thats all I wanted to hear
Would’ve liked Amanda Bynes and Lou Ferrigno, but I guess we can’t have everything…
QAPLAH!
Mmmmm… Anne Hathaway with 8 tits….
My dark knight would rise for Anne Hathaway as well
/Someone had to say it!
If this comic book fan club meeting doesn’t wrap up soon Pajiba’s likely to come over here, pull the fire alarm, and bench press us all when we run out.
But… but… what about Cher?
Someone take away Sean Young’s belt and shoelaces.
Cher can play King Tut.
Oh I get it. The Departed was a future piece and the scene when Martin Sheen falls off the building represented Nolan’s career after making Catwoman. OOOOOOHHHHHH!
So Ledger is out this go around?
or Egghead.
Oh wait. This is all for the Dark Knight movie and NOT another Catwoman film.
Still.
If Nolan was willing to veer far away from the source material but closer to reality he would’ve cast Katherine Heigl as Bane
My apathy just shit the bed.
@ stinky Pete
Catwoman Knows Bruce Wayne is Batman but she into stealing shit and Bondage too much to give a shit about that because she can steal anything she wants and doesn’t need Bruce to buy it for her, like most skanks that billionares nail. the only way she could be more perfect is if her tits dispensed Four Loko
Beck-If you played DC Universe Online, you would agree that Heigl would be best suited as “Queen Bee” (an annoying cunt you want to kill).
Hathaway is somewhat cute, I guess, and Nolan is reasonably competent, but I still don’t see how they hope to be able to supplant Halle Berry’s definitive portrayal.
I knew I shouldn’t have worn mandals today, now I’ve got manningdick between my toes.
@ Ferrybear
So Tara Reid could be Catwoman?
Bannerpic is Hella Kitty.
But who’s going to play The Scoutmaster?
Sorry Fek but for me there’s only one Queen B
*stares wistfully at Lil’ Kim poster
No matter how hard they try, this will never be as incredible as a book full of magic eye pictures and a head full of acid.
i still assume Talia will show up. there has to be a surprise…
maybe spiderman’s web will be found between Catwoman’s ass cheeks…
Tom Brady is a Queen B.
*just trying – and failing – to establish some jock cred here
Anne Hathaway of making my pants fit funny.
If Hathaway channels Julie Newmar, I think all the dudes will be happy. Chicks will all be for Hardy being in the film as just about any character or inanimate object. As for Ledger being the penultimate Joker, I wholeheartedly agree. Cesar Romero was the ultimate, am I right people?
PS – a long time ago Eddie Murphy once said that he’d like to play Egghead…
GTFO: [www.freakingnews.com]
“Nolan also announced that Ed Hardy would be re-conceptualizing the costumes and The Hardy boys would be solving the crimes while Batman ‘thinks about his feelings.’ Also Robert Loggia will be playing Robin”
He said it on Conan, back when he was still hosting The Tonight Show, so naturally the tools at NBC pulled all of those episodes from their website. [www.sidereel.com]
So no Betty White Catwoman? Just because there’s snow on the roof doesn’t mean there isn’t a husband-killling vortex of face-melting fish stank below. That’s why the cats. See, origin written! That one’s free, Nolan.
Please, oh please, oh please Nolan go for an “R” rating for the final movie (TITTIES!)
They are wasting a great talent on a character that is like the hulk. A normal guy who when takes his “venom” becomes huge, a la hulk. I assume it will be cgi or another bigger actor thus cutting out his screen time. boooo :(
Anne Hathaway as Catwoman? My brain is saying “hmm,” but my boner is saying *guitar solo*
I’m very excited to hear this news; I mean it’s not like this makes me wanna jerk off. But if somehow later when I flog the scarecrow; this info streams into my consciousness…it’s certainly not gonna hurt the process.
Nolan is gonna showcase Selina Kyle as a wild child more so than plain criminal methinks; Anne definitely knows how to pull that off (along with her top.)
Bane’s being used as the opposite of the Joker.
The Joker serves chaos and leaves a trail of destruction; while Bane is a very logical villian and precise in his deconstruction of Batman.
Bane is a skilled fighter and (at least in the comics) powerhouse not to be fucked with. The Joker is a tricky fighter who relies on dirty moves (the kind your sister teaches.)
You know what; now that I think about it…this news does make me wanna *POW* *WHAM* *SMACK* *SPURT*
(Lights smoke)
I can’t wait for this fucking movie; to cum.
- this just in, apparently anne hathaway has been found dead in mary kate olsen’s apartment… too soon?