49-year-old cake maker Cathy Ward from Reading, England recently dropped 14 dress sizes, and to celebrate, got a 22-hour Twilight tattoo job covering her entire back. No word on what her cakes taste like, but that muffin top looks delicious. (Sorry).
She was desperate to get almost the whole cast of blood-sucking characters on her back because she claims they helped her lose five stone. [70 pounds]
Despite working in the cake department, she ditched calorie-laden foods in favour of getting stuck into the popular books and movies– and dropped 14 dress sizes in just six months. Mrs Ward said: ‘A friend of mine got me the first film on DVD because I was feeling low. Once I started I just couldn’t stop myself. I had to go out and buy all the books and films. I got hooked. It became my way of rewarding myself.’
Wait, so she used Twilight as a way to NOT eat junk food? Damn, you see a lady with a Twilight obsession and a framed picture of a cat in her house and think you have a stereotype all figured out…
She plans to save £2,000 more to spend another 12 hours under the needle as she eclipses her whole torso with the gothic tribute.
There are still a few bits to do. I am going to get my arms done before my 50th birthday in summer. I love Robert Pattinson. I want to tone up so I can get his character Edward Cullen on my stomach.’
You know, I think Jacob had that same strategy. (*crack of the bat, watches ‘obvious gay joke’ sail over the centerfield wall*)
Despite her obsession with heart-throb Robert Pattinson childless Mrs Ward has not got it in the neck from husband Francis, 52.
‘Francis thinks it is hilarious. He just laughs at me and lets me get on with it.’ Cathy, who has been married 18 years, hopes to meet the films’ stars in the flesh so she can flash her portraits with pride. [DailyMail]
‘Got it in the neck?’ What does that even mean? Be honest, you British people don’t even know what the hell you’re saying anymore, do you.
Oh, ‘the childless Mrs. Ward.’ I bet everyone calls her that.
[thanks to commenter Stone Soup for coining the term 'Fangsta']
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‘Got it in the neck’ means being kidded. And probably being bitten by a vampire. Hooray for British journalists! INAPPORIATE COMMENT ALERT: When her poor husband is screwing her, do you think he tries to come in Edward Cullen’s face?
so that’s what Michelle07 looks like
Francis had better be under surveillance because there’s no way that his sexual urges are satisfied through the barren, sterile desert that is Cathy here. My money would be on him decapitating garden gnomes and shoving their heads up his ass.
I guess she really didn’t want to lose that weight, because as soon as it was off she found a way to ugly up her body again.
If this lady and the Avatar tattoo guy got it on, the mass of writhing flesh would resemble a people’s choice award.
Interesting comment rating system on the Daily Mail website. Could spend all day hitting that red, down arrow.
*Does some Bladerunner style picture enhance wizardry and through the images of various reflective surfaces can see Francis ‘bating in the can, whilst leafing through a Decorative Garden Ceramics catalogue*
Called it!
I would say that she’ll regret this at some point, but if she doesn’t know better by now, then she never will.
So what’s the over/under on how many cats this broad has? 12?
Well she’s unlikely to land a part as an extra in a concentration camp shower scene now.
All that tattoo and I still can’t help but see her ass crack…
All that weight loss, and I still can’t help but see her flab.
Her haircut isn’t too clever either.
How has no one mentioned the fantastically awesome needlepoint above the mirror yet?
aaaaand it’s right there in the post.
It’s nice to see Diablo Cody’s mom getting some attention too.
Awesome! [galacdavis.tumblr.com]
Far be it from me to actually want a woman to gain weight, but if she puts those 70 pounds back on, Edward’s going to look like Elvis just before he died.
Edward’s sullen mug will be a perfect tattoo for her stomach. He always looks that pissed off when he has tits in his face.
Christ, you actually remember that Stoney coined Fangsta? What, do you have a laminated cheat sheet ala NFL coaches with the entire Filmdrunk lexicon on it?
Entry 3a: Durst – coined by JHC circa 2009.
She even got the geography right. In Forks, Oregon, all of those characters live just north of a big crack as well.
The Mighty Feklahr still awaits JohnnyR’s inappropriate comment.
Her whole back is a broken metaphor for the inability to see the big picture. I can’t see the forest through the queers.
I didn’t think there were any cake makers left that didn’t have a TV show.
I once got a Fullback Twilight tattoo.
It depicted Tom Rathman beating the shit out of Edward Cullen.
@Erswi–”Durst” predates January 2008. As does “Erswi”:
[dirtyhairy.blogspot.com]
Despite working in the cake department, she ditched calorie-laden foods in favour of getting stuck
into the popular books and moviesin the “urinal cake and cow pie inanity” of Twilight!FEKSED!
Imagine my delight when I saw that this was still the top story this morning. I know you hate us, Vince, but this picture is an eye holocaust.
OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE MY BLOG?
I apologize for the holocaust reference, now that I remember how comparatively tasteful concentration camp tattoos are.
“Should ve tattoo ze Twilight on ze prisoners?”
“Nein, das ist too cruel.”
If you can get her to show you five inches below the bottom of that tattoo, you’ll see that she also has Dakota Fanning represented.
You make the call: Mere coincidence that she has Edward’s face tattooed directly on her Me-punch spot?