american_psycho_Birthday-Dog

I hate musicals, not only because the music’s always awful and the actors always have that freakish pageant smiled frozen across their faces, but because you can make a musical out of anything.  I mean really?  Legally Blonde? But, hey, add Huey Lewis songs and a guy chopping up whores with an axe, and suddenly, a musical seems like A REALLY GOOD IDEA.  The American Psycho Musical idea has been around since 2008, but you’ll be happy to know that it’s getting closer and closer to reality.  (*flexes in the mirror while banging Japanese sex pillow*)

“Think Malcolm McDowell singing songs during ‘A Clockwork Orange.’” said Duncan Sheik, the new show’s composer, comparing his musical to a brutal attack scene in the 1971 film.

Sheik, who won a Grammy and two Tonys for writing the songs in the Broadway hit “Spring Awakening,” and playwright Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa signed on in February and have completed the first act, with a full draft expected by early next year.

“There are murders, and they are on stage in full view of the audience,” Aguirre-Sacasa said. “An ax and a chef’s knife will be used. I think there’s going to be a lot of blood.”

* Bateman lures business associate Paul Owen back to his Manhattan apartment. Bateman puts on a raincoat so his designer suit doesn’t get bloody and hacks up Owen with an ax.

* He bumps into “Tom Cruise” in the elevator of the Upper West Side building where they both live. Bateman refers to Cruise’s film “Cocktail” as “Bartender.” Cruise corrects him and points out that his nose is bleeding.

* Bateman and his yuppie friends compare business cards at a swanky Upper East Side restaurant. Noting his peers’ classier cards, Bateman becomes so jealous he finds it hard to breathe. [NYPost]

DAMMIT, BROADWAY!  I know I cruelly ridicule you on a daily basis, but please, for the love of God, just do me this one favor: Actor in a an ATM costume singing a song about wanting to be fed a stray cat. If not for me, then for yourselves.