"Relax, it doesn't get better."
10) The Human Centipede*
I have no problem with horror movies and I appreciate extraordinary gore with a childish delight. That’s why I thought The Human Centipede was a disappointment. The idea was unique enough to draw me in, like a clown car crash, but the execution was pitiful. I know a lot of people who loved Centipede, and I suppose I would have liked it more if I had checked reality at the door, but I find that horror movies are at their scariest when I think, “This villain is way too real.” Dieter Laser had me laughing more than he had my skin crawling. More than anything, I refuse to believe that in 2010 we can’t find better actors for horror movies. In the 80s it was adorable, now it’s painful. Show me that the second-hand poop is disgusting, girl!
*Technically this film was from 2009, but it was released in the U.S. in 2010, so there.
"Oy guvna, I'm a poishan!"
9) Prince of Persia
Jake Gyllenhaal isn’t an action star, as much as Maggie Gyllenhaal isn’t a romantic leading lady. Jerry Bruckheimer has also completely lost his touch, if he ever really had it. This film was a mess from start to finish, incredibly boring, and at least 15 years late (what’s next, Excitebike?). Aside from the obvious, it’s the little things that really make me despise movies and in this case it was dialect. Look, I don’t expect this movie to be written in an ancient Arabic language, but I’m pretty sure it’s safe to assume that Persians didn’t have British accents. Jake said that he actually had to learn to speak with a British accent because the rest of the cast was British. This is a f*cking film about Persia! It’s Iran! Hell, even Channing Tatum and Tom Cruise have enough respect for audiences to not even bother with accents when they make period pieces. Jake might as well have talked like a Chinese robot. Admittedly, that would have been awesome.
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Alright, my curiosity is piqued from page 1: why the Empire Records hate, Burnsy? I’m genuinely interested. It was no High Fidelity, but it had its moments, IMO.
I’ve seen exactly NONE of these movies. That ten-month coma really paid off.
Sidenote: why does the spell-checker hate the word “movies”?
Or “sidenote”, for that matter?
Needs more Heigl hatred.
I really, really don’t understand the appeal of Eat Pray Love. And I’m a self-centered white woman who loves carbs and practices yoga.
I’m down with this with the exception of the grievous neglect of Little Fockers. A film which somehow found a way to raise the ante on the “nutshot in the trailer” truism deserves a place on this list.
Adam Sandler is like Dane Cook, he’s a better self promoter/buisness man than he is a funny film actor/writer. I’ve never understood the gross homerism of people to his films of the 90′s. Some had their moments, but were never very inspired. He cranked out some really funny comedy CD’s and I think many people just projected that afterglow onto those banal films.
Saw very few of Vince’s best, none of your worst, none of your unwatchables but spent the year in your dishonorable mentions pile.
No way to live.
ay, fuck you man, it’s rex manning day
I’m not saying I’m inspired by Burnsy’s ability to dish out hate, but I will say I just told my cup of hot chocolate to fuck off. And I love hot chocolate.
I got a quarter of the way through Grown Ups before I put that movie in my fucking rearview in order to look up the hot chicks in it on IMDB and J-off to their pictures.
Human centipede is the tits, and its because it much better viewed as comedy. The opening scene with the dr. looking at the pics of his “3 dog” in his car are incredible. You know what you’re getting into when you decide to watch a movie called Human Centipede. To think that this modern day Citizen Kane is too absurd is to think that Hobo with a Shotgun or Machete is too violent.
That was just an ool until those four got in it.
I loved Empire Records. I can’t see how that is the worst movie ever made. Lucas was a great character. Rex Manning Day ? Brilliant. The stupid ending, ok, I’ll give you that, but Empire Records spoke to a generation the same way The Breakfast Club spoke to another. The beauty of our society is that we don’t have to agree on everything, but you really can’t say Empire Records was worse than The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds.
And no “I’m Not Here” ?, that seemed like the biggest steaming shit of idea out of them all when it came down to it. I swear Netflix is a bunch of masochistic bastards for putting it on instant, its just daring me to come home shirfaced and watch half of it.
Or worse than Armageddon.
Flew into the US from Australia and had to sit through both Grown ups and Dinner for Schmucks on the SAME FLIGHT. So fuck you, United.
“Now he feeds his scabs to pigeons and buries herring in his garden to commemorate krystallnacht.”
You think that’s bad? I hear that the poor, brave souls who brought us Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax have gone so far off the deep end they have constructed a 700 foot tall statute out of emu feces and small animal bones in honor of their Messiah. Who is of course, Gary Busey.
Human Centipede certainly wasn’t good, but Heiter was the only part of the movie I actually bought; he at least kept me intrigued. I was expecting the movie to devolve to a horrendous gore-fest but was kind of pleased that Six chose to make it conceptually creepy rather than in-your-face creepy.
I wanted to see Grown Ups when I heard the song “All Over the World” by ELO in the trailer. I’d watch a snuff film if it featured that song in the background.
Hard for me to imagine a list like this without The Karate Kid near the top.
Can The Mighty Feklahr nominate the Excitebike dig for COTW?
If someone told me I had to watch Grown ups and Dinner for Schmucks back to back, I’m going for the exit, plane or no plane.
PopChopShop, Karate Kid was originally headlining a list of “Refused To Watch” because of my respect for my childhood.
thebigragu420, I totally agree about Centipede as a comedy. “I’m Not Here” was a total oversight.
I loved Human Centipede because of the over the top doctor. It was hilarious.
Empire Records would take me thousands of words to explain. Maybe today I could watch it again and change my opinion, and there are plenty of other movies that I have seen that are equally terrible, but that movie just rubbed me the wrong way. What rubs me the right way? Ask Chodin.
I saw
“I’m Not Here”I’m Still Here. The way they kept waffling on what exactly their film was supposed to prove was painful, pretentious film schoolery, but I don’t think it was totally without merit. They may have taken a totally wrong approach to the material, but I came away being incredibly impressed with J-Joaquer as an improvisational comedy actor. He’s amazing. The conversation with Ben Stiller where he’s making fun of the dog in the cast bit from Something about Mary? Pretty genius.The problem was them acting like that by getting the media to pay attention to someone who was ALREADY FAMOUS and acting like a psychotic, that they were exploring something about human nature. If Reese Witherspoon starts taking dumps on Leno’s desk, duh, of course people are going to pay attention. You’re not proving anything. You’re not exploring anything. But instead of having fun with it, they made a weird artsy montage.
PS: I’m Not Here was way worse.
What the krystallnacht guy said.
I’m totally getting shirfaced watching it now. It’s actually called “I’m Still Here”, if im not wrong again i think “I’m Not Here” is that bob dylan movie. The cover is amazing, waaay funnier now, only would be better if j-weezy was shrugging and you put in a ? mark.
Ahh Filmdrunk, apparently I’m not the only person who laughs everytime Krystallnacht is mentioned. I feel slightly less horrible about myself, damn you jewish guilt.
Lets not waffle around the real point to be made here: Why would any of you watch any of these movies? Shame on you for stepping in shit when you should smell it a mile away.
Except The Human Centipede. Once you hear the premise, you really are obligated to watch it.
I’m Not Here/I’m Still Here/Let Me In/Never Let Me Go/Let The Right One In///
*baseline concussion test FAILURE neurologic assessment FAILURE*
Rob Schneider is #1 on the all time list of: How does this unfunny, untalented asswipe still get work?
Burnsy – That makes sense on The Karate Kid. Seriously, what’s next? Maybe Michael Bay will remake Gleaming the Cube. We tend to watch this kind of crap specifically to help steer people away from it… sad that that’s kind of become our goal lately.
Alright then dicktuckers, who else is working today? Raise your hand!
I like Empire Records. It’s not exactly timeless cinema, but it’s one of the few 90′s teen movies that doesn’t completely suck. So, yay, nostalgia!
Blah blah blah Lost reference.
You watched Grown Ups twice? Please give me your address so I can send you my war medals.
The worst thing I saw this year was McGruber. Sadly, I just saw it yesterday. Painfully unfunny. When Chris Jericho is the best thing in your movie, you got problems.
I didn’t see any of the others mentioned. And I didn’t see Jonah Hex.
Has any A-list star been in more dogshit movies than Julia Roberts? Her imdb profile reads like a list of war crimes.
The Player* and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind are the only movies she appears in that could spare her the death penalty.
*not even listed.
I’m glad there is other people out there that hate Julia Roberts as much as I do. She really should have been in porn. After all her biggest merit is that she can fit at least 3 cocks in her yapper.
this made me laugh out loud:
“If Brendan were a homeless person, this script would have been a cigarette in his coffee cup.”
“Alright then dicktuckers, who else is working today? Raise your hand!”
*raises hand*
Although I do object to the dicktuckers moniker . . . I only do that at work, and I feel like it ought to be hyphenated.
And it’s a shame because I enjoyed James Franco.
It’s understandable, Julia Roberts is a hag and you can always just recall those pictures of Franco in drag in order to pleasure yourse…
Wait, are we talking about the same thing?
Also glad to say I didn’t see any of these movies. Only movies I saw this year:
1. Sherlock Holmes
2. Toy Story 3
3. Inception
4. Expendables
5. Machete
Waned to see Jackass 3 but paying 20 dollars to see it on 3-D only is ridiculous, especially when it wasn’t real 3-D anyway.
Object to your heart’s delight, JD. There are only three types of people that frequent this site. Dicktuckers, dicksuckers and Burnsy (a hybrid combination of the first two).
Not to quibble (cause that would make me a quibbler, and I like the Harry Potter movies and all, but not like that) Erswi, but aren’t most dicktuckers also dicksuckers? That was the impression I got from ITuckDick.com, which I’ve never ever visited
Interesting point you would raise there, reNoT. Dicktuckers as a category are further subdivided into the subsets dicksuckers and non-dicksuckers. Buffalo Bill (the SOTL one, not the western gunslinger dude) was clearly a non-dicksucker while Burnsy falls squarely into the first subset.
Further investigation would reveal that I’ve now given this entirely too much thought.
Dicktucking gives me a nice clean line. Who doesn’t appreciate that?
(besides those looking for a parking spot at Walmart)
Did someone say Krystallnacht?
You know Burnsy, the Persians were originally an Indo-European people, which means all of their glorious history was created by white guys. However, Saracens from the south eventually befouled and corrupted their pure Aryan blood, which turned them brown and is the reason they’ve been so hopelessly fucked ever since.
I think we should give some credit to the makers of Eat Pray Loaf because they *must* have considered casting Gwyneth Paltrow. And that would somehow have made terrible way, way worse. Way.
Krystal Nacht = my guilty pleasure porn star
The whitest guy I know, re: Krystallnact–”Give it a rest. It was ONE night.”
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Krystallnacht would have been way less disturbing. Way.
Trivia: Krystallnacht is commemorated as a state holiday in Idaho. Since no Jews live there, they celebrate by chucking potatoes at liberals, even though liberals don’t live there either.
Re: Empire Records–you know that thing rehearses what he’s going to say to a girl before he talks to her? E.R. had the worst example of that ever. Haha record stores.
The wife was watching Valentines Day on cable and I looked at parts of it through a pinhole in a piece of cardboard. It was that bad, friends. It was that bad.
Julia Roberts is Krystal Nacht in Double Nostril 2: The Inhaler.
This time it’s post-nasal.
This list lost me immediately. The Human Centipede was one of the BEST movies of the year! On crazy concept alone it beats out 99% of movies released this year.
Also, the worst movie of the year was Suicide Girls Must Die, followed by 2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams and Meadowoods.
In response to PopChopShop, I want to see a Michael Bay helmed remake of Gleaming the Cube so bad it’s making my chest ache
“I believe in Kristallnacht–’cuz I believe in me!”
I always get thirsty when I watch that commercial, but when I actually drink that stuff, it’s disgusting.
You laughed at Billy Madison? Then quit whining about bad movies. You deserved to have had to watch each and every movie on this list. Seriously, you have to be functionally retarded to find anything humorous in that piece of crap.
My main problem with Empire Records was that every character was annoying and the movie sucked.
I saw both Yogi Bear and Marmaduke, and I have to say Yogi Bear was much more damaging on a spiritual level. Though the movie that I was this year that set my teeth on edge and had me cringing from the opening credits was Alpha and Omega. Bad, bad, bad and creepy, not in a good way.
@figsylebon: Maybe someone should shoot him an email, gauge his interest. If not Gleaming the Cube, maybe RAD.