Vinnie’s Playgirl shoot is running longer than expected today, so I thought I’d take a second to make your lives better with the new teaser trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides, because I know that’s what you’ve been praying for all day. Here’s the thing – I know most of us Drunkards don’t quite care for the Pirates films (well, obviously the pornos, but I digress) but this one has Ian McShane in it as Captain Blackbeard. And I checked my Man Rules book and sure enough – Chapter 37: If It Has Ian McShane It Might Not Suck.
It also has sexy mermaids, unsexy zombies and Penelope Cruz yelling things in some sort of ancient language. Is that Egyptian? Mayan? Swahili? We may never know.
Interesting side note: “There’s the jack I know” is what I yell at climax.
Trailer after the jump…
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Interesting side note: “There’s the jack I know” is what I yell at climax.
Burnsy follows this up with, “Swab Me Poop Deck, Matey”. Vince told me so.
To which Vince traditionally responds “We’re taking cannon fire aft of the mizzenmast!”
The f*ck is a mizzenmast anyway?
You’ve misunderstood, swi. The word was clearly “Jizzenmast”.
Penelope Cruz makes Him launch hundreds of tadpole-like torpedoes! FIRE IN THE HOLE!
So does Blackbeard call it the Fountain of Youff?
If McShane were forcing Ray Winstone to come out of retirement to steal the McGuffin for him, I’d might be interested.
Or if he played a slightly shady antiques dealer with a heart of gold, trying to pawn a fake fountain off on some unsuspecting ne’erdowell.
McShane does a great impression of every dude I’ve ever encountered who smells of piss and sleeps face down on the pavement in broad daylight.
By Kahless’ Krusty Kumsock! After watching that baktag video, The Mighty Feklahr is certain the movie was pitched as, “Pirates of the Caribbean Four: Johnny Depp Turns a Trick for Mickey and Walt to Get a Paycheck”!
Wait until that little fucker finds out that swallowing so much Disney jizz makes you talk like Goofy. (Just ask the Jonas Bros!)
Mort, it bothers me to no end that that makes so much more sense now.
But Vince, don’t forget Chapter 38: If Ian McShane can’t use the word ‘cocksucker’ more than a minimum of 3 times per hour of film, chances of it sucking go up into the double digits.
Interesting side note: “There’s the jack I know” is what I yell at climax.
I heard that Jacktion! yells “There’s the Burnsy I know”
Huh. I thought he yelled “Mom? Mooom?”
People who get excited about teaser trailers for Pirates of the Caribbean movie would all like to know how exactly you get that little dot of light to climb the wall and how come when they trap it under their hands, it reappears on top of them?
I don’t know what you guys are talking about, that looked awesome.
We are talking about Penelope Cruz’s tits right?
Interesting side note: “There’s the jack I know” is what I yell at climax.
And “There should be a captain in there somewhere” is foreplay, right?
Only if Ufford is involved, in some sort of inter-Uproxx orgy.
Er, excuse me, I think I need to be alone with that thought for a moment.
The Playgirl shoot is taking so long because the pubes on Vince’s head are confusing the photographer.
It’s a good thing Disney owns Jim Henson productions now, or else there’d be lawsuits over Depps’ awful Dr Teeth impersonation.