
Trailer for Hanna, y’all:
Raised by her father, an ex-CIA man, in the wilds of Finland, Hanna’s upbringing and training have been one and the same, all geared to making her the perfect assassin. The turning point in her adolescence is a sharp one; sent into the world by her father on a mission, Hanna journeys stealthily across Europe while eluding agents dispatched after her by a ruthless intelligence operative with secrets of her own.
So basically, the chick from Atonement/Lovely Bones — Saoirse (“SIR-shuh”) Ronan — is raised in the woods with Eric Bana, who turns her into a PERFECT KILLING MACHINE. My favorite part was when she was riding in the undercarriage of a car like Cape Fear. I wish she’d also had a knife between her teeth and was screaming YOU CAN’T RUN FROM SAOIRSE, MOTHERF**KERS!
Then in the next scene, someone’s looking at her DNA tests marked “ABNORMAL.” I’m telling you, if this chick turns out to be a secret dwarf hooker, I might pass out from glee.
From director Joe Wright, previously of Atonement (puke), Pride & Prejudice, and The Soloist. Opens in April.
Additional note: I think a good scene would be Saoirse Ronan and Dakota Fanning slowly circling each other, tossing a knife back and forth between each hand.



[BASE jumps into room slamming Monster with one hand and playing guitar solo with other]
I always have a Saorse after burrito night. :(
The trees made the words disappear!
And right before she completes her kills she exclaims, “Finnish him.”
Me: “Saoirse”? Country of Origin
Judge Jacques Bailey: The country of origin is Pretentioustan.
Me: [Exhales] “Saoirse”, S-a-o-i-r-s-e “Saoirse”
Judge: [long pause] Correct!
me: SQUEEEEEEEEE!
Dad: Tell me child, how will you kill Haufen Skordgardon?
Killer Kid: I will put him in a sack. Fill the sack with rocks. And throw him in a fjord. Then He’llsinki.
Jesus, Saoirse – Rose McGowan called. She says “Get a tan, bitch!”
Do you know what Eric has in his back yard?
…A Bana hammock.
The Bourne Infancy? A bit of Kick-Ass, a bit of Salt; I’d Lap this up.
Jesus, Scandinavia* has come a long way since Heidi.
*some people say Finland’s not part of Scandinavia. I say I don’t give a shit.
I passed out from Glee, woke up with a coconut in my ass.
Pictured above: Lindsay Lohan demonstrates how to hit the bars while in rehab.
The Bourne Puberty
Fuck you, Br0nze.
@ Burnsy-
*eyes widened with shock*
That’s no coconut. That’s a human heeeeeaaaaaaaddd!
More of a dick graze than a step, Ace. I’m still gonna rub some ointment on it, although I was actually going to do that anyway.
“Rose McGowan called. She says “Get a tan, bitch!”
The girl had a tan, once. She gutted it with a sharpened reindeer antler and left it in the woods to die.
Nic Cage: “A father who turns his young daughter into a deadly assassin? Wasn’t I in that movie?”
*Gets lost on own IMDb page for three hours, still not sure*
This is nothing. Bet she couldn’t mess with BeBe’s kids. The baby with Tone Loc’s voice could beat her ass by himself.
Yes, because a Finnish shut in raised in the woods and trained to be a killing machine would sooooo easily fit in and be able to gallavant about Europe unnoticed.
Meanwhile in a bunker somewhere in Argentina, Hitler just smacked his forehead.
This movie looks like Saoirse Ronin.
Oh, you better put some ointment on it, Charlie, ’cause I’m going to graze on your dick all night.
No, wait.
Spoiler Alert: At the end of the movie she hunts down the killer Santa Claus deep in the Finnish forest, fights him to the death, skins him alive and makes a nice lampshade out of him as a Xmas present for her father.
More like someone is teabagging dead Hitler’s eye socket. Yeah! Who wants some of that action!?
Then in the next scene, someone’s looking at her DNA tests marked “ABNORMAL.”
Yes, I remember fondly when I was looking into genetic science programs back in high school, I couldn’t wait to lay some restriction enzymes down on the electrophoresis gel and then it would make “bleep bloop blorg” noises and spit out a printout that says “ABNORMAL”. Because it works that way.
If she’s from Finland all she’s learned to do is drink like a fish. And I bet she’s like a super fast texter, but that’s it.
I hope Saoirse has an innate and uncontrollable desire to have Cate Blanchett’s babies. Then this movie would be kind of like an Orson Scott Card book I read. Except in that book Cate Blanchett’s character would be played by an alien blobbish-looking parasite called a Wyrm.
Wait a second…
I saw this movie in a sneak preview last month, it was pretty badass, while adding some scenes of character development to not make it all for guys.
I’m pretty sure ‘Saoirse’ is actually pronounced ‘Sore-Arse’