Noooooooooo!

Noooooooooo!

Achtung, Jews, I got you an early Hanukkah present.  L’chaim, it’s a new Uwe Boll movie!  What, don’t tell me you’d have rather gotten money, that’s so typical (haha, chill out, that’s just a little Jew humor I picked up at camp).  Fresh off that film where he plays a Nazi at Auschwitz (NOT a comedy) and that other one about the fat, Nazi-fighting half vampire where he plays Hitler (supposedly a comedy), Uwe Boll will soon be drinking shirtless Absinthe shots with Dolph Lundgren. That’s because Boll has reportedly cast Hitler’s ideal of perfection as… wait for it… a medieval war veteran who gets sucked back in time by ninjas.  Hey, man, don’t kill the messenger (Mel Gibson hates it when you do that).

Lundgren told blogtalk radio: “I play an ex-middle ages war veteran who gets f**ked up but he gets pulled into some sort of medieval power struggle, kind of gets a bit of a redemption for all his pains in service. It’s a role I just wanted to play. It’s fun to exercise my acting chops [sic] once in a while. I’ve got to get ready for ‘Expendables 2′.”

Speaking about the plot – which is set in the kingdom of Ehb – director Boll said: “It’s like contemporary, right now big city, and we have Dolph Lundgren basically being a cop or like a fighting coordinator working as this, and one night he gets attacked by ninjas in his house and fell with the ninjas into a vortex back in time.  [...] And then it turns out it’s like 50 years after the first part ‘In the Name of the King’ ended, and Ehb is destroyed and everybody is dead, Jason Statham and everybody who was in the first part, got wiped out.”

‘In the Name of the King 2′ is set to start shooting early next year in Canada. [Bloginity via LiveforFilms]

Uwe Boll has made three movies this year despite there not being a single plausible explanation for financing an Uwe Boll movie in the last 10 years.  I guess what I’m trying to say is, I know people say this a lot, but there’s no way this movie happens.  Just having Uwe Boll and Dolph Lundgren on the same set is enough to get the Anti-Defamation League so far up your ass you couldn’t see straight.

"I must break you," he said sadly to his tanning bed.

"I must break you," he said sadly to his tanning bed.