In what might be the most hard-hitting piece of journalistic analysis I report this week, Spider-Man has been caught finger blasting a dolphin. (Side note: do you guys say “finger blasting” or “finger banging?” I prefer the latter, but lately I’ve been hearing people use the former, which always seemed a bit bellicose, in my opinion). Maybe it’s just me, but every time I look at this, I hear the Who intro from CSI Miami.
This would make the perfect Christmas present, especially if your draw in your office’s secret Santa exchange is Malcolm Brenner, Florida’s own world famous dolphin f**ker. Hey, man, let he who’s never thought about shooting off a little webbing in a dolphin’s blowhole cast the first stone. (That don’t make me gay, does it?)
Oh right, and also, Martin Sheen and Sally Field are set to play Scarfield‘s aunt and uncle in the upcoming Spider-Man reboot. Sadly, that story didn’t lend itself as easily to dolphin sex jokes, so I avoided it. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHhhhhhh……
[Superpunch via GreatWhiteSnark]
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That shirt is rated EEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE for Everyone.
Finger-blasting or finger-banging depends on the age of the receiver of the finger(s). Blasting anything under 14 is just bad form.
True story time kiddies!
I once watched a dolphin mastubate with a Frisbee.
How does a frisbee masturbate and who had to eat the biscuit afterward?
Scarfield gets a scare when he thinks his web shooter hits Aunt May’s legs! Turns out it’s just her bellicose veins.
Looks like Channing Crowder isn’t the only Dolphin taking shots to the face.
Well, look at it this way, at least it isn’t a picture of Violent J finger blasting Terry Schiavo and reminding kids to “Always eat your vegetables!”
I didn’t think Spider-man did it on porpoise.
Hanes holes always shrink : (
He’s just flippering her off.
I bet he softened her up by taking her to Sonic.
I could do a joke about sticking his finger in a fishy hole but I know I’m better than that.
I know dolphins are mammals, but I got to thinking, if mammal vag smells like fish, wouldn’t it stand to reason that fish vag smells like mammal? I’m going to assume that the answer is “Yes” and more specifically, wet dog.
Even worse, that’s an underage dolphin. Now Spiderman’s not allowed to be echolocated within 500 yards of any schools.
*wishes groups of dolphins were called “schools”*
She’ll give him hermit crabs!
Wanna come back to my pod?
You were a good fuck, but I’ve had betta.
All these puns are carp.
If you’ve got a fat dolphin bitch and aren’t sure where to stick it, just roll her up in flounder and aim it for the dry spot.
Finger banging, unless you have repulsor rays on your hands… then it’s finger blasting. Just ask Tony Stark’s secretary.
Hey, this is just one of the fringe benefits of working a Starkist fishing boat. You do what ya gotta do when the Bugle ain’t buying, Aunt May has medical bills, and Mary Jane is raggin’.
I fingerbanged this dolphin slut once, but she couldn’t keep a secret, so I had to “The Cove” that bitch.
Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit into the wind, don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger and you don’t interrupt Spider-Man while he’s fingerbanging dolphins.
Aquaman swears he just fucked that pig to get even.
In Sweden, the act of forging a career in shitty action movies even though you hold a master’s degree in chemical engineering is known as Dolphin’.
What you didn’t see is Spiderman pushing the little retarded kid off its back beforehand.
Did no one ever tell him you won’t find happiness at the bottom of a bottle-nose
When you are a normal person it’s finger banging, when you are a superhero it’s blasting. Hulk get mad, Hulk finger blast Betty White, Betty poof into smoke like Roadrunner!
It isn’t fingerbanging, it’s a little of the old dolphin-out.
That dolphin was asking for it. She puts the c-word in Sea World.
Are you sure it’s a dolphin and not just a black comic in a gray fat suit?
My grandma wears a sweater of Spidey finger banging Dolph Lundgren.
Ironic bitch.