Robot Actress Makes Debut in Japan

"That's good, now lower..."

In an early test of what scientists hope could one day cure the scourge of child actors, an android made its stage acting debut last week in Tokyo.  Created by designers at Osaka University, the bot carried a $1.2 million price tag (just over half of Nic Cage’s budget for cobra venom).  But knowing Japan, they should be able to recoup most of that by selling its used panties.

Geminoid F – a robot designed to look and act like a human – played alongside a human actress, American Bryerly Long [did she move there to torture the Japanese by making them pronounce that name? -Ed].  Long plays a girl suffering from a fatal illness whose parents hire an android carer and then abandon her. The android, made to resemble a part-Russian, part-Japanese woman with long hair parted in the middle, recites poetry to her.

Her voice and gestures were created by an actress in a soundproof chamber behind the stage whose head and body movements were detected by a camera and replicated by the android. Microphones were used for her voice.

Wait, so the android plays an android, and it’s more like an animatronic avatar than a robot with full artificial intelligence?  Dammit, we’re never going to replace human actors at this rate.

Geminoid F was produced by Hiroshi Ishiguro, a renowned robot designer at Osaka University in western Japan, whose usual androids come with a steep $1.2 million price tag.

For the play, he modified one to give it only the bare essentials needed to preform the given acting, which cut costs to one-tenth of the usual. All the android’s movements were carried out with only 12 motors.

‘Androids can look very similar to human actors, but more than that, we can technically create a superior actor by featuring all the good techniques of human actors such as staring, moving and talking,’ said Ishiguro. [DailyMail]

Ha, a “superior actor.” Oh please, buddy.  When I see a true master like Paul Walker take the screen, I instantly recognize the flesh, the blood, and the undeniable life force coursing through him that could only have been created by the hand of our creator, not some scientist.  Every breath Paul Walker takes is proof of the existence of God.

On a separate note, I can’t stop thinking about dirty robot panties.  You think they have those?  I want to sniff them while I bang my anime fleshlight.