Today I’ve got yet another sad story about our country going down the crapper. A woman in Idaho was giving out free breast exams in bars, and what did she get for such selfless commitment to public service? Some brown shirts from the Fascist League of Mini-Hitlers had her thrown in jail. Journalists have already dubbed her America’s Aung Sang Suu Kyii.
An Idaho judge has set bond at $100,000 for a Boise woman police say posed as a physician and duped at least two other women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs.
Kristina Ross, 37, remains in Ada County Jail in Boise on two felony counts of practicing medicine without a license.
She didn’t find any mysterious lumps, but then again, she never checked my pants.
Police say Ross introduced herself to victims — one at a downtown Boise bar and the other at a nightclub in a Boise suburb — as a plastic surgeon named Berlyn Aussieahshowna, a name that turned out to be bogus.
The two women told Boise officers they believed Ross was a physician because of her apparent medical knowledge, and they agreed to undergo what they thought were breast exams, which happened at the bars.
Holy sh*t, that worked? Where are these bars again, specifically? I need it for, uh, my notes. (*draws curly line on finger, holds up to lip to make mustache*) “Well hello zair, ladies, I’m Doctor Hamburg Von Weimar, za board certified p*ssy inshpektor…”
As part of her ruse, Ross gave the women the telephone number of a real licensed plastic surgeon in Boise, the state capital, authorities said.
Staff at that medical office became alarmed at the number of calls they received from women in recent weeks attempting to confirm appointments or surgeries with a Berlyn Aussieahshowna, according to charging documents.
Medical workers on Tuesday alerted Boise police about the pattern, and they later arrested Ross.
The suspect’s gender is unclear. Idaho court records show that Ross was arrested for petty theft in the spring and that the arrest warrant was issued to a Kristoffer Jon Ross. [Reuters]
Jesus, Idaho, it sounds like you’ve got some lax standards when it comes to strip searching your inmates. Are you sure it wasn’t Jeff Ross, the famous insult comedian? Getting a sex change seems like a long way to go just to be able to grope strange titties, but I guess that all depends on the quality of the titties.
Friday Free for All is the time of the week I reserve for all the things I really wanted to post that might not be strictly movie-related. So please, do not ask me “Dude, how is this movie related?” It’s not. If you didn’t want to hear about fake boob-groping doctor, you can just shove off, capitan. Send your tips to email@example.com, but only if they don’t suck.