Access Hollywood recently did a story about how Jessica Alba had once considered quitting acting. See, the trouble for beautiful people like Jessica and me is that no matter how incredible we are at what we do, some people just refuse to see beyond the Christ-like perfection of our physical features. Alba says the final straw for her came when Fantastic Four director Tim Story told her once, during a death scene, “It looks too real. It looks too painful. Can you be prettier when you cry?”
I’ll leave Jessica Alba’s claim that a director once told her that her acting was TOO GOOD alone for now, because the piece gets even more ridiculous.
The actress said she had a series of experiences where she was told to read the words on the page, exactly, that ended up knocking her confidence.
“Good actors… never use the script unless it’s amazing writing,” she said. “All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.” [AccessHollywood/Yahoo]
Ummm, really? Is this chick serious? What planet do pretty girls live on that an “actress” can take offense to being asked to remember her lines? “Here I am working at McDonald’s, and this A-hole comes up to me and asks if I can make him some fries. Can you believe the nerve? All the good McDonald’s clerks I work with, they just make whatever they want. Julie Reynolds gave a guy half a box of Tic Tacs once. She’s incredible.”
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She’d better learn that “good actresses” know how to flash tits and bush or else she’ll learn that “old actresses” need to say the goddamn lines as written (while flashing tits and bush).
Oh. Okay then.
*writes “Keep your clothes on” in all of her scripts*
If there’s anyone who knows good acting, it’s Fantastic Four director Tim Story.
There’s a reason Pete Hammond called it “A tour-de-fource!”
Armond White says reading directly from what is written is just acquiescing to the neo-fascist scriptocracy.
To be fair, it’s not like she’s done any movies with “amazing writing.”
Half a box of Tic Tacs, you say? Inspired! What nuanced service. Really gives weight to the transaction, weight that wouldn’t have been there without that special touch.
She sounds awful to work with.
Jessica: “The script says I’ll be saying, ‘Hi,’ but I’d rather say ‘Bye’ and walk offstage instead. It’d fit with my character’s gruff, no-nonsense facade (we’re filming a sympathetic gang rape flashback tomorrow).”
Writer that is me: “JUST SAY HI, GORRAMIT!”
Mel Gibson is a good actor, but he changes all the lines to racial slurs.
If she’s claiming to have worked with good actors, she may be funny enough to ad lib.
Lindsay Lohan is incredibly focused on her lines.
PS if Jessica is implying that Freddie Prinze Junior went off script when they filmed the ABC After School Special “Too Soon For Jeff,” she can fuck right off. FPJ respects his craft.
/His character knocks her up, so I hope he Stanislavskied that shit.
“Like, in Sin City, Bruce Willis had the line ‘You’re not safe here,’ but he kept saying ‘Damn, look at that ass.’ What a pro.”
Jessica is such a pro, she pretended to be attracted to a man named Cash enough to have his child.
“All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.”
Then they go on to say, “So you should stick to the script, sugar tits.”
Jessica Alba clearly has never worked with Sir Ian McKellen (from Extras): “How will you know what to say? Well the words will be in the script. And you will learn the words, you would not have the script on the night!”(http://bit.ly/cWRAl)
Does this mean that she is in awe at every monologue? How did Ian McKellen make that up so well? Amazing!
If she’s claiming to have worked with good actors, she may be funny enough to ad lib.
If she combines her mad acting skillz with some filthy witticisms, she could even be a formidable Drunkette.
A regular Alba Chino, you might say.
Little-known fact: in early drafts of J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek “reboot”, the future captain of the Enterprise was set to be a female.
Jessica auditioned for the role, and was soooooo bad that most of the crew walked off the set, and a lone Abrams was left to turn Alba Kirk-y.
*massages strained pun muscle*
I would like to see her boobs.
*yawns and stretches*
Sorry, it’s late, that’s all I’ve got.
Jim Carrey is allowed to ad-lib… out of his ass.
All good actresses dyke out with Natalie Portman.
I’m constantly telling girls I meet to look prettier when they cry.*
*OR ELSE THEY GET THE HOSE AGAIN.
“All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.”
You learn that on the set of Entourage, sweetheart?
All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.
MC Hammer says the same thing about the Addams Family.
I don’t think she can help being that stupid with an ass like hers.
After reviewing the comments in this thread, The Mighty Feklahr feels He can summarize the Filmdrunk position on this article:
“Dear Jessica Alba,
Just because you are pretty enough to dodge the porn bullet, it does not necessitate that you are any smarter or more cultured than girls who lick men’s hairy asses and routinely get semen in their hair. You might be a very nice person, but everything you say seems to sound as stupid as a mutt eating cat shit.
Sincerely yours,
Filmdrunk commenters
PS: Tits or GTFO ya dumb bitch.”
the Christ-like perfection of our physical features
Luke Walton is Jewish?
PPS: And bush.
Alba is actually incredibly smart and consistently comes up with the most amazing witticisms. It’s just that her mouth keeps changing the lines.
*reviews His letter to Jessica Alba, starts cutting letters out of magazines and newspapers*
If she’s claiming to have worked with good actors, she may be funny enough to ad lib.
Hey now! Show some f*cking respect! She has worked with Paul Walker. So there!
I think she’s confusing good actors with “actors” who bus tables to pay the rent.
So that’s why they always mix up my order!
I honestly think that Jonny-5 has touched on the truth: that she is confusing memorization with improvisation. The block quote states that she was told to “read the words on the page” not “say the words as written”. Dummy came to set ill-prepared and was the only one who had to have their script in their hands. Evidently, she was actually out-classed by Dane “Louis C.K.” Cook on Good Luck Chuck. He always memorizes what other people have written.
She’s so dumb, when she got to Hollywood, she slept with the writer.
Patty Boots says:
“To be fair, it’s not like she’s done any movies with “amazing writing.”
Obviously you’ve never seen “Machete”. The writing in that movies was exquisite. Tarantino, has a knack for intimate expressionism. A regular Charles Dickens, with just a hint of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Throw in some Sam Pekinpah and
voila, you have the quintessential Tarantino.