Japan enjoys a well-deserved reputation for all things batpoop loco, but India is headed to the top of the crazy chart with a bullet. Between bulldozing the Slumdog kid’s shanty like the villain in a Brendan Fraser movie, making a movie that makes Michael Bay’s movies look like cinema verité, and my personal favorite, hiring larger, more violent monkeys to control the population of smaller monkeys, India is easily my favorite story setting of the year. More to the point, today in wacky news stories, the popularity of Harry Potter (note: NOT Hari Puttar) has spawned an owl-trapping trend.
Indian Environment Minister Jairam Ramesh has blamed fans of Harry Potter for the demise of wild owls in the country as children seek to emulate the boy wizard by taking the birds as pets.
The hit books and films, which are popular in India, feature a snowy owl called Hedwig who is a feathered sidekick for the Potter character and used to deliver mail.
“Following Harry Potter, there seems to be a strange fascination even among the urban middle classes for presenting their children with owls,” Ramesh said Wednesday, according to comments reported by the BBC.
Researchers found that a growing number of owls were being trapped, traded or killed in black magic rituals. [AFP via AV Club]
My favorite part of the story is the way the modern effortlessly co-exists with the ancient, almost as an afterthought. “A western book about a boy magician has spawned a trend of pet owls among the urban middle class. Oh, and some actual sorcerers have also joined in, hoping to use the owl parts for black magic.”
Sidenote: This Indian guy would make Harry Potter his bitch. God knows what he had to do to make that sloth bear so happy.
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Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of an Indian Curry pop?
One, a-two, a-th– Oh my God get me to a toilet, I’m leaking brown water out of my asshole. The diarrhea, it burns.
Likewise, Twilight fans are being blamed for heat rash developing when they try to use stairs.
I figured they would be into dalmatians instead of owls. Dots, not feathers.
Wouldn’t them kids in India appreciate a more pragmatic gift…like rice or penicillin?
BRRRIINNNG
Rajnish: Tank you for calling Dell Tech Support, my name is Roger, how may I help you?
Me: Yeah, my computer has been crashing a lot lately.
Owl: Whoooo
Me: Uh, me, my computer.
Rajnish: Yes, of course sir.
Me: Anyways, it’ll start up and then after a few minutes, it just crashes.
Rajnish: This sounds like a software issue sir, I cannot help you.
Me: Well then who do I call?
Owl: Whoooo
Me: I’m asking, who do I call?
Owl: Whoooo
Me: Do you have an owl there?
Rajnish: Why would I have an Owl?
Me: Why would you pretend your name is Roger?
Owls they worry about, orphan boys enjoying the magic of the streets… not so much.
The only “black magic” The Mighty Feklahr wants to see be done with owls involves gettin’ them breaded and deep fried!
[A speeding car crashes into a tree. Crappy flies through the windshield and rolls into a covey of children waiting for a schoolbus knocking them about like bowling pins. He gets up and punches out the one child that did not fall]
That’s a fucking turkey bitch nuts!
If you line a bunch of Hindus up, their foreheads read ‘sssssssssss’ in morse code.
I can’t wait for Hedwig’s new album to drop. He’s an awesome raptor.
I’m not gonna lie, owls are bad ass. They throw up skeletons for fuck’s sake.
[In a far off forest, an aged and gimpy Woodsey Owl slowly rises from his earthen bed. He grabs a dusty AR-15 SOPMOD leaning against a branch and glances at a picture of him, Smokey Bear, and McGruff the Crime Dog taken during their last tour in the golden triangle. He jacks a round into the chamber.]
Time to get the band back together. Give a hoot motherfucker.
Did that spammer draw a dick with a cat’s face as the head?
That Indian dude in the photo sure is rocking a good what-the-fuck-are-you-looking-at? expression for a guy with a sloth bear on his back.
Just sayin’.
I will have roasted Hedwig for the main course but to start, I’ll have the fried Pigwidgeon
Dang Injuns probably usin’ them thar owl feathers in their head dresses.
Sorry, my mistake. Native Americans.
I like to imagine a gang of Indians taking after the clowns on Whale Wars™ and coming to America to sabotage the beef industry and release cows from ranches. That may be a totally random thought, but it is a thought nonetheless.