Danny_Trejo_Melissa-lee-williams

I know Danny Trejo probably thinks he’s happy with his current old lady, but I guarantee she could never please him like Melissa Lee Williams of West Virginia here.  Danny Trejo is a passionate man.  It only stands to reason that Machete should marry the kind of lady who demands cunnilingus at knife point.  Oh yes, you read that right.

According to investigators, Williams–who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 Motor Inn–showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my p***y.” At this point, Williams “commenced to undress herself,” reported Deputy Ross Mellinger.

While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Watson, understandably, “declined to proceed any further.”

Poor girl. That would never have happened with a real man like Danny Trejo.  As he likes to say, “Eef ju don’t wanna get escratched, stay out of el gato’s cage, ése.”

This is when Melissa Williams allegedly “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my p***y or I’m going to cut your f**king throat.” [Yeah, try pulling that sh*t with Crocodile Dundee, see what happens.]

When Deputy Mellinger arrived on the scene he observed Williams–who, like the two men, appeared to be intoxicated–nude from the waist down. After pocketing a knife that was on the coffee table in front of Williams, Mellinger arrested her for domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon. [Sounds like she was brandishing two, but who's counting.] |via TheSmokingGun|

I’m surprised this happened in West Virginia.  I wonder if she went to the same finishing school as the Juggalo Jack Handle Ninja.